I'll be the one....... (631 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.43 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by AlahAckbar (View user info) at 2004-08-25 22:13:30 EDT
I pretend like I'm doing great, and like I'm over you. I pretend like everything is wonderful, like my life is going exactly according to plan, and I even agree with you when you say that separating was the best thing for us. I sit on the phone, listening to my son, who is closer to your boyfriend then he is to me. I listen to you side step things, trying to be nice and not tell me how happy you are without me. I don't blame you, I'd be happier without me sometimes too.
I call, exactly like I am supposed to call: Like someone who is busy, who has other things to do then call his ex. But I really don't.
I generally sit around, either here, or someplace else, and wait until I think it is ok to call. Sometimes I get you. Sometimes you're out.
Your mother loves it when I call and you're not at home. I call, and she says "OH! I'm sorry! She's not home right now. She SHOULD be back later tonight. Can you call back?"
It's the only time she sounds happy to hear from me. She says those things, but she means "Ha ha, you hurt my daughter. You caused my daughter to feel pain. Now she is out with some other guy, and he is cuter, smarter, and gets paid more then you do. Ha ha, I hope your heart is dropping into your feet right now, and I hope you curl up and die, you worthless pile of shit."
At least that's what I think she means.
Your dad on the other hand......I'm not sure. He says the standard things, but it's almost like he is afraid of saying it. Like he is worried about me. I don't deserve his concern, this I know. But he hesitates every time, and he treats me like a wounded bird: I can sense he just wants to take it all away, and make things better. I wish he would stop, and just treat me like dirt. That way I can hate him like I hate your mother.
I've always hated your mother, do you know that? Since the day I met her, and she looked at our small loft apartment, and said "This is no place to raise a family! You need something bigger!"
Fuck you, bitch. It is our home. Was our home.
I pretend like things are just peachy over here. I act like things are great, like I'm excited about school, like I am having the time of my life. Like I have something to get up for every morning, which I really don't.
I pretend like when I call, and the phone is busy, that I don't care. That I'm not jealous, that I'm not dying inside because my gut tells me who you are talking to. Because my gut tells me that you are happy now. I should be glad about that. I really should. I love you, and I should want you to be happy.
I don't. I want you to be miserable, and I want you to realize that you still love me, and that you want to be with me, and that you want to make things work out between us. I know it's horrible, I know that it's wrong, but I'm being honest. I won't lie to you, at least when you will never hear it, or never read it.
I pretend like I'm happy for you. I pretend that I don't care. I pretend like I'm worried about school when you ask me what's wrong. I tell you I have a headache when I'm upset. I pretend like everything is great.
You're coming up soon. I don't know what to expect.
We have been through this before. You told me you wanted to see other people. It crushed me. Two months later, after we had given each other sometime, you came up. Within a half hour of you being here, we were kissing. By the end of the weekend, we were making plans for the future. Plans to take our son on a cruise next summer, to visit often. To work this shit out.
You went to Australia, to visit family. You came back.
And we were over again. Just like that, a 100% switch from loving one another, to not being together. Hell, you even told me you loved me before you left, and when you came back we were seeing other people.
Half of me wants you to come up here, and see me, and fall in love with me again. See how much I have changed, both emotionally and physically. And just like that, just like before, fall in love again. Part of me wants to work this out still.
The other part is terrified of it. Terrified you will hurt me again. Terrified you will turn around and crush my hopes and dreams, one more time, just for old times sake. Terrified you will come here, and we will make the same empty promises, the same empty lies......
And two weeks later it will come crashing down around me.
If it happens, if you come here and want to work things out again, I don't know what I am going to do. Who knows? Maybe when you crush me yet again, I'll send you this and say "Don't feel bad! I saw it coming!"
Maybe I'll take it in stride, and say "Hey, nothing ventured nothing gained." and brush it off with a simple "Meh" and a shrug of my shoulders..
Maybe I'll flip out, and yell, and scream, and cry, and ask you why you did this to me again. Why you hurt me again.
Then again, maybe I'll just cut it off right away. The second I start seeing that look in your eye, the one where I know you love me, where I know that you want to work things out, maybe I'll kill it right there.
Maybe I'll just tell you no. Maybe I'll say that I am not going to let you hurt me again, and I am not going to put up with anymore bullshit from you; that we are either together, or apart, and you need to make the decision before you leave.
I know what decision you will make though. It's not the one I want, but it will prevent the inevitable breakup.
But it will still hurt.
No matter what happens, if you fall in love with me, if you hate me, if we agree to be apart forever, I'm the one who loses. It's like this for over a year: On again, off again, on again, off again. I'd like to say I've gotten used to it. I'd like to say that after all this time, I've gotten over you, that I'm seeing someone else, and that I am falling in love. But I can't. I don't know what is going to happen when you come, but I do know the outcome.
I'll be the one who is hurt.
User Reviews
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish_ (user info) at 2004-08-25 23:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&q=%22eric+rice%22+%2B+%22resume%22
Then click the first link.
;)
Thanks, Eric.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish_ (user info) at 2004-08-25 23:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-25 23:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
now now, it's my own fault.
Maybe not in the eye. Maybe in the liver.
;)
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-08-25 23:12:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well written.
Submitted by UrbaneMischief (user info) at 2004-08-25 23:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very very good
makes me want to stab her boyfriend, her mother and her in the eye with a fork that's coated in hot sauce
Submitted by AlahAckbar (user info) at 2004-08-25 22:36:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-25 22:30:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
THANKS! :)
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-25 22:30:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-08-25 22:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Link whore !
http://www.ubersite.com/m/42919
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-25 22:27:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, I try not to feel emotions so this sort of shit doesn't happen to me. Good times.
Submitted by deadSurfer (user info) at 2004-08-25 22:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good