$1 Million for a handjob from my three year old daughter (8828 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.69 on 139 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by shandythedog (View user info) at 2004-08-26 00:59:07 EDT
You know that film indecent proposal? well, i'm facing a dillema because a very good friend of mine just made an indecent proposal to me.
We had been down at the pub having a few quiet ones. I'd been talking about how, when I have a bath with my three year old daughter Natashia, I sometimes have to direct her away from my genitals.
"sometimes she tries to grab my cock, or even kiss it. there's no sexual intent of course, it's all just harmless fun as far as she's concerned. my usual tactic is to distract her with something else, like her rubber ducky. i don't want to tell her 'NO, you musn't touch my cock' because i'm afraid it might give her some kind of complex"
my friend got very animated when this topic came up and started a long spiel about sex and morality.
"...so in fact, there is nothing intrinsically bad about a three year old girl voluntarily giving an adult a handjob" was his conclusion.
As a professional logician, I had to agree with him. voluntary penis rubbing is intrinsically a harmless activity, and if you accept that pleasure is good, then it is a good activity.
the key word of course is 'intrinsically'.
we live in a society. the intrinsic nature of things is very often irrelevant if there are social consequences. a friendly pat on the head is not intrinsically a bad activity. but in certain societies it is considered a very bad and rude thing indeed.
in out society, three year old girls rubbing adult men's penises is considered very bad. therefore, even though there is no logical or intrinsic reason for it, the consequences of three year old girls rubbing mens penises can be expected to be very bad. therefore, wishing no bad things to happen to my daughter or to me, i do not permit her to rub (or kiss) my penis.
my friend of course also understands that when deciding how to behave, social standards sometimes outrank logic.
so i was suprised when he offered me a million bucks (he is very wealthy)if i would let him have a bath with natashia and let her rub his penis if she wanted to.
"Look Jamie" i said "i know we've established that there is nothing intrinsically or logically bad about natashia rubbing your cock. in fact she would probably like to rub your cock. i know she likes you. but for god's sake man, haven't we just agreed that such an activity could harm her, due to the laws and customs of our society???"
"Yes yes of course" he said impatiently "but the key point is that the cock rubbing itself won't hurt her. Only society can hurt her. If i can come up with a proposal demonstrating social harm risk minimization strategies, will you at least consider it? After all, the social benefit to natashia and to your family of a million dollars would be very significant"
I told him i would read his strategies, but warned him that even if they were very impressive there was still no guarantee i would accept his offer. "who knows what unforseen problems might turn up" i told him.
still, a million dollars would be rather nice.
User Reviews
Submitted by Thored (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:59:23 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:56:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-03-09 06:43:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Everyone should read this and http://www.ubersite.com/m/56725
Classics of the UberWorld.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-01-14 23:28:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
<looks horrified>
I dont know how to rate this
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2005-01-14 13:12:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-27 17:30:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:04:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
... When did actual or fictitious examples of pedophilia become acceptable?
so are you saying writing about pedophilia shouldn't be allowed?? Murder, torture, drug abuse, rape, war atrocities, etc etc etc can all be written about in fiction and debated from different perspectives with different solutions suggested, but pedophilia and child abuse cannot? in my view, this attitude only makes the problem worse.
-------
I agree. I was reading about Nelson Mandela's son who recently died of complications from AIDS and how Mandela is crusading for awareness of the illness, a contrary stance to their president who claims to have never known anyone who died that way.
A dubious claim, considering that 5 million of 45 million south africans have either Hiv/Aids
I see pedophelia as revolting and think with all the diseases available today it just isnt a good thing for children to be having sex with other children either. I know I rarely used condoms in my early teens and if I had lived in another land, could have easily aquired the sickness.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-03 19:06:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Could I pay in installments?
I'm thinking , $1 a year for a million years.
Let me know so I can have my accountant draw up the paperwork. And I am saving up a big batch- only spanked it twice so far today.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-12-03 18:57:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:13:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
that's sad man, that you have to actually think about that. It's bad enough that you let your daughter do that, but to even entertain the notion of letting someone else "pay" you to do that. That's just sad. Your willing to pimp your daughter, you shouldn't be allowed to have her. Your a sick, twisted fuck.
---------------------------------------------------------
-2 die
Submitted by MrPrickle (user info) at 2004-09-30 06:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks stanyscy, that should be very useful to shandy i'm sure
Submitted by stanczyk (user info) at 2004-09-29 12:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Kant: Can accepting a handjob from a three year old be posited as a universal law?
Zeno: An infinite number of moments must elapse between strokes, so nothing like an three-year-old-induced orgasm is possible.
Heraclitus: All things are constantly in flux, including the foreskin, which renders handjobs from three-year-olds reundant.
Schopenhauer: Hegel is a charlatan, an metaphysical monkey-grinder, and an accepter of handjobs from three-year-olds
Abelard: I swear she said she was sixteen!
Hume: When the skeptics had concluded that skepticism was the true philosophy, they nevertheless did not accept hand-jobs from three-year-olds.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-30 19:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my karma tells me to -2 this.
fuck karma.
Submitted by Mr_Asshat (user info) at 2004-08-30 19:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jeebus forking chrysler that's sick.
Submitted by tech-junkie (user info) at 2004-08-30 16:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
pimping your 3 year old daughter... what a sick sick world we live in
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-08-30 15:50:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumy!
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-08-30 15:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwlllllllllllllll
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-08-30 14:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MORE STORIES LIKE THIS...PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE ??
<for scientific research of course...you sickos>
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-30 14:57:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mickginny is pwned by shandy.
pwned.
intellectually and morally.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-08-30 14:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Then you are left with the image of you innocent little girl rubbing this sicko's shaft.
--
Whew! That did it for me! Off to the men's room. Back in 5.
Submitted by Cryopaul (user info) at 2004-08-30 14:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by al <alanpower69.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-30 10:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dear Sirs/Madams, this thread has come to our attention, and we are currently forwarding all relatrive information to our collugues in #### ###### police department. We would appeal to anyone with any additional information to come forward, so we can prevent this and other henious crimes.
Submitted by digitalKRONIC at 2004-08-30 07:04:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If I was in your situation, I would have had my fist down this guys throat a long time ago. A million dollars may seem like it's worth it until you've blown it all on porn and asian hookers. Then you are left with the image of you innocent little girl rubbing this sicko's shaft.
I have a hard time believing you have a daughter, I cannot imagine someone valuing his daughters innocence so little.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-30 05:25:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does she swallow?
Submitted by Goulash (user info) at 2004-08-30 05:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by briancte (user info) at 2004-08-29 16:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just let her do what she wants. You will both have fun with it right?
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2004-08-29 16:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pancakes!
Submitted by atz (user info) at 2004-08-29 01:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You sure are thinking outside of the box. When incest and pedophilia are legalized, you will be long remembered as a pioneer for freedom (after all, that's what America's all about, right?).
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-28 23:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No.
Submitted by Wish_I_Were (user info) at 2004-08-28 19:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:08:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a good thing I'm atheist, because I'd go to hell for this +2 otherwise!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-28 05:51:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not that it matters, but i forgot the middle part to the story that i gave two parts to below:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/15723
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-28 03:54:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
one final remark for the time being (i have something more important to write at the moment):
the current climate concerning child abuse has lead to the situation where teachers in australian preschools have been officially directed NOT TO CUDDLE CHILDREN.
to me, as a parent, that is one of the one of hte most shocking and disturbing things i've ever heard.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-28 03:43:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, if this was an attempt for most heated.... its interesting you would even discuss it. its interesting that uber is worth sticking your neck out that far for legally.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-28 03:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whiskey, here are some longer posts if you are interested (i'm afraid they are not essay style examinations of the issue, i don't really like writing in that way, and i try to combine the issue of pedophilia with other social and human observations):
http://www.ubersite.com/m/15658 continued in http://www.ubersite.com/m/18580
and
http://www.ubersite.com/m/18333
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-28 03:25:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mckinny says : "pedophilia can be explored for 1000 year it won't prevent it happeningg"
the facts show very clearly that the current attempts to stop pedophilia (ie pedos are evil monsters who must be exterminated)are failing miserably. its widely agreed that most child abuse never even makes it to the attention of authorities.
now, my purpose in writing about this topic is not to provide a miracle cure to the problem of pedophilia. i like to write about the society i live in and things about it that seem odd or inconsistent or comical. our attidtudes to sex, as i mentioned a couple of comments ago, are interestingly inconsistent. and i make no apologies for finding it amusing. there's a funny side to most things.
however, although i am not on a crusade to end child abuse, i will say again that i think open discussion of the issues might help. it could lead to more honesty, and if certain facts about adult and child sexuality were more openly acknowledged, perhaps people would be better able to understand and deal with their unacceptable sexual urges, or be more willing to seek help.
i certainly dont' believe raising the issue in the way i have done could do any harm. i find it absurd to think someone would read a post like this and then decide, 'hmm, i might go and abuse a child.' if you believe that, you would have to condemn all stories in which violence and murder take place in a moraly ambiguous way, stories where drug use appears cool, stories where youth paint grafiti on public property, etc etc etc.
there seems to be a view that i should be ashamed of writing about this topic, and sideburns even seems to wonder whether it's legal or not. just for the record, i've submitted material to a University of Canberra frelance writing class on this topic, and my research for that included a one hour interview with a detective from the Australian Federal Police child abuse squad. i also submitted other creative-writing work to the university on this theme, which would probably be regarded as more 'sick' that this post. It received very high grades, and academic staff considered including it in a publication of the best of the students' work for that year.
One academic told me she thought it was quite brave of me to write on this topic, as alot of people who don't understand much about literature would probably assume i was a pedophile myself.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:59:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I want to -2 this so bad, that's every ounce of wrong.
Seeing as how you made this public, I'm sure that it's illegal in some shape or form. I'm not 100 percent sure. I haven't caught up with the lawbucks about oral sex with three year olds.
+1 because--
I'm Sideburns, when do I ever give -2s?
Rarely.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:58:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"so are you saying writing about pedophilia shouldn't be allowed?? Murder, torture, drug abuse, rape, war atrocities, etc etc etc can all be written about in fiction and debated from different perspectives with different solutions suggested, but pedophilia and child abuse cannot? in my view, this attitude only makes the problem worse."
No. I am not suggesting the subject of pedophilia should be disallowed. I am suggesting that creepy shit like this only gives sick bastards encouragement for their depravity.
Don't try and throw it back on me that my attitude makes the problem worse. Look at yourself for writing something that may push some fucker who may be fighting his urges to commit an act against a child.
"if you read my comment linked to below, you will also see that this post is of course a hyphothetical case:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/42947#756563
and that i am interested in thinking philosophically about issues like the social contruction of 'good' and 'bad' and how it applies to human sexuality."
I stated that i did not think this was factual. Does a hypothetical case make this trash ok?
"i'll tell you one thing for certain mckginny - your attitude of refusing to explore these issues (MENTALLY, with our brains) will ensure that no progress is ever made in reducing the problem of child sexual abuse."
Again you try to push it on me. Pedophilia can be explored for a thousand years. It wont prevent it from occurring. As rape murder or stealing will never be prevented from occurring. Furthermore I don't want to know what would make someone rape a child. As far as I am concerned once someone crosses that line there is no coming back for them.
My greatest hope for you is that your father in law reads what you posted. Then you can explain to him how you were just trying to "explore the issue".
Submitted by whiskeyjack (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:16:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
it's not that your writting about child abuse it's how you did it, you told of a specific event and that is why some would call you a perv. And if this is how you talk about child abuse then you need just suck. If you want to talk about child abuse, then write a post about it(somewhat large) and include your positions, an opposing positions and facts and other reasons to support both. All you did was talk about a few events that took place and threw in 3 or so paragraphs about some conversation you had with your extremely creepy rich friend.
by the way you and your friend are perverts.
Submitted by shandy at 2004-08-27 22:29:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what also interests me is the contradiction in modern thinking
50 years ago in puritanical times sex was a bad evil thing that should only be done to procreate, wanking made you go blind, etc etc. during such an era, it was consistent to say children should be banned from sex. obviusly they should, sex was bad!
but now in our wonderful open times, when sex is lovely and beautiful and natural and good, when girls can write posts on the internet about findnig their g spots and be cheered on, sayng that children can't participate in sex is actually, if you think about it, something of a contradiction.
doesn't anyone else at least find that interesting - without jumping to conclusions about what else it might mean?????
Submitted by shandy at 2004-08-27 22:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and how would 'shooting people like me' help?
i'm not a child abuser. as i said below, i find the idea icky.
Submitted by shandy at 2004-08-27 22:12:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the hot burner v. penis comment is exactly my point!
penises generally do not cause burns.
social rules and laws of course do.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-08-27 22:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
um.... no!
Submitted by Smithstudd (user info) at 2004-08-27 21:51:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I know how we can reduce sexual abuse against children in this world.........start by shooting people like you......another thing,as the human race evolves,we gain a better understanding of human nature itself.Its a proven fact that if you were abused as a child you are much more likely to become a predator of children yourself.A child has not,reasoning capability nor the emotional capacity to make the decision to have sex.........If your child decides to touch a hot burner on the stove,she will get hurt what makes you think your penis is going to be better....
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-27 20:26:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whiskeyjack - i refer you to my response to mckinny, immediately below your comment.
also, there certainly are societies in which sexual contact that you would regard as sick is regarded as good and normal. for example, in some native american tribes a crying baby was soothed by licking its genitals. in parts of mongolia, a dad roots his virgin daughter prior to her marriage - the theory being it's nice to be introduced to sex by someone you love and trust so much. the ancient greeks, heroes of democracy, liked nothign better than buggering young boys. and to repeat myself, in chimp society anything goes.
now, i'm not suggesting that just becuase these things are or were accepted in certain societies they should be accepted in ours. anymore than i would say that just because something HAS NOT happened in other societies it therefore should not happen in ours. progress sometimes involves doing things that have never been done before.
i just think it is interesting, and worthwhile, to ponder and discuss the norms and taboos of our society in an open minded way. why do we have these taboos? what is their purpose? are they good or bad?
Submitted by whiskeyjack (user info) at 2004-08-27 19:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
first why don't you WEAR A FUICKING BATHING SUIT if you don't want your daughter to jerk you off, second it not wrong just because society says it wrong, society(all societies) says this is wrong for good reason, they don't go against this just for fun. The child would eventually see this as being sexual but having already done it might think it ok. This could lead to attempts at further things and you being a dirty pervert would probably go along with it.
your a sick fuck and your rich friend is worse
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-27 17:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:04:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
... When did actual or fictitious examples of pedophilia become acceptable?
so are you saying writing about pedophilia shouldn't be allowed?? Murder, torture, drug abuse, rape, war atrocities, etc etc etc can all be written about in fiction and debated from different perspectives with different solutions suggested, but pedophilia and child abuse cannot? in my view, this attitude only makes the problem worse.
if you read my comment linked to below, you will also see that this post is of course a hyphothetical case:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/42947#756563
and that i am interested in thinking philosophically about issues like the social contruction of 'good' and 'bad' and how it applies to human sexuality.
i'll tell you one thing for certain mckginny - your attitude of refusing to explore these issues (MENTALLY, with our brains) will ensure that no progress is ever made in reducing the problem of child sexual abuse.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:04:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't know where the fiction or non-fiction is located here. There may be no elements of truth at all. Although that is very unlikely because a story is usually based on some fact sometimes loosely, sometimes on mark..
Whatever the case, it is inconsequential to the fact that you are fucking asshole. And the rest of you who compliment this asshole are the shit that falls from this asshole.
When did actual or fictitious examples of pedophilia become acceptable?
If I took a guess, I would say that 95% of this post is bullshit from the sick imagination of a creep.
Garbage like this is what propagates the abuse of children.
so,
FUCK YOU SHANDY THE DOG
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-27 12:06:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
therefore, wishing no bad things to happen to my daughter or to me, i do not permit her to rub (or kiss) my penis.
---
sick fucker
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-08-27 10:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-08-27 02:53:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"so i was suprised when he offered me a million bucks (he is very wealthy)if i would let him have a bath with natashia and let her rub his penis if she wanted to."
No. Hell no. If ANYONE asked me if my three year old daughter could rub their cock, I'd fucking kill him. No question. The end. Dead.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-27 02:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I say do it for no other reason that the money. Children do not retain memory's before the age of 5 it is a scientific fact. and for all of those that think they remember shit you just remember it because someone told you a story about it and it went into your sub mind. anyways do get the money and run or whatever.
Submitted by Hairsphincter (user info) at 2004-08-27 00:03:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Print this thread out, save it for 18 years, and post it on the wall at her 21st.
I dare ya.
Submitted by HarryFeltersnatch (user info) at 2004-08-26 23:50:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So uhh, what are you going to tell her when she's 18 and asks how you paid for her college tuition? ;)
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-26 22:33:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:18:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:10:44 (#)
Ranking: -1
Why don't you stop taking baths with your daughter?
....................................................................................................
I think that it might be about time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But then who will rub and kiss his penis?
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-08-26 22:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm... Jamie is a scary scary man.
So is the person that wrote this review:
"WTF IS WRONG WIT U PPL"
Is it bad when 4 out of 6 of the "words" in a sentence are not real?
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-08-26 21:23:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for child molestation! Alright!
Submitted by Slovin (user info) at 2004-08-26 21:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone who -2'd this deserves to be permanently banned from the site, as they are the humorless morons everyone is constantly complaining about.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2004-08-26 21:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds a lot like jamie!
you sickos
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2004-08-26 20:17:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was just talking to a friend of mine before about influence of society... and as disturbing as the actual idea behind this post was, the reasoning and thought was great. Nice twist on things.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-26 19:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the question of what constitutes inherent good and bad IS just too tricky. however, i will attempt to tackle it in due course.
meanwhile, another dillema has come up. demi moore has just called me in a rage:
"i've shaved off my designer pubes, i've deflated my designer tits, and now your saying there will be NO handjob in the movie???? NO chance for me to weave my sexual magic in the role of a three year old?????
I'LL SUE YOU FOR EVERY PENNY IF YOU DON'T INCLUDE A HANDJOB SCENE IN THE FILM"
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:55:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This reminds me of the other day when I got back from buying some notebooks and pens and such for school. As I walked through the garage I heard the garage door creak and wondered if it just fell and crushed me to death what my parents would do. Would they return the notebooks?
Submitted by deevee (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Next time I need a professional logician I shan't be patronising your shop.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"...so in fact, there is nothing intrinsically bad about a three year old.."
Then again, nothing is. If you value your own, and probably your daughter's psyche, your probably better off not doing this. The only real 'bad' and 'good' that can be attributed to any kind of interaction IMHO lies in the question if it a) increases the chances of succesfull offspring b) decreases the chances of succesfull offspring c) does nothing to those chances. The fact is much of our social structure and social 'rules' do in fact increase our chances of spreading our genes (evolved that way).
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a good thing I'm atheist, because I'd go to hell for this +2 otherwise!
Submitted by bubba69 (user info) at 2004-08-26 16:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
son-of-a-bitch! somebody get this fucker's IP address and report him to the FBI. a 10 year stay in a state prison will enlighten his ethical lightbulb
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-08-26 15:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is it customary to bow before sheer genius?
Submitted by Jeriko2k3 (user info) at 2004-08-26 14:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the hell are you doing taking a bath with your 3 year old.
Submitted by ohlookasquirrel (user info) at 2004-08-26 14:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You...wow.
Submitted by screaney (user info) at 2004-08-26 14:35:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what the hell is a millionaire doing at a pub trying to pick up three year olds? doesn't he know that he can order one from thailand and they come fully trained?
Submitted by redzone (user info) at 2004-08-26 14:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you shouldn't need time to think over whether or not to pimp out your own daughter.
If she starts getting familiar with the cock now chances are she'll be all over it when she's older
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-08-26 13:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I... uh... hmmm...
This might just be society speaking through my purple hair, but no... definitely not an acceptable thing for a man to ask of your three year old daughter.
I get the willies just thinking about it, kinda makes me want to puke actually.
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-08-26 13:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if you're from Australia, need help: http://www.ubersite.com/m/43005
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2004-08-26 13:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can laugh when a kid gets hurt. These two brothers on my block were once circling this stray german shepherds with their bikes and pelting him in the head with rocks. The dog finally had enough, knocked the older brother down, and tore open his rib cage. The kid died. To this day, I still snicker (the dog got away). Even so, your post wasn't amusing... or even clever. You and your friend should both be pimped. To someone with AIDS.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-08-26 13:35:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:16:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
you people just don't appreciate the twisted genius that is Shandy. Revel in it. He is your new messiah.
-----------------
His genius isn't really that twisted.
I can't make up my mind on this dilemma. Very interesting debate, though.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-08-26 13:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pimpin' aint easy.
Submitted by DanJaines (user info) at 2004-08-26 12:04:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.
I MUST agree with the rubbage. BUT AS I have painted out in a early posting to this place, one can get that please sure from the Oriental female hand, small like that of the child, exciting to the seed and yet LEGAL!
I must find a message parlour now. I have thoughts.
Submitted by lollytolly69 (user info) at 2004-08-26 12:00:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wtf is wrong wit us....altho this was hella funny "At 3 years old, you're supposed to stop bathing with your daughter...until she turns 14. "
but seriously money cannot make you want to prostitute your kids man WTF IS WRONG WIT U PPL
Submitted by UlfGabe (user info) at 2004-08-26 11:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmmm. . . i suppose you should just drown your daughter and get a new one. Less perverted that is.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-08-26 11:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dear lord
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-08-26 11:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this gave me wood
Submitted by acrog (user info) at 2004-08-26 10:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
there is something very wrong with this post, even is it's presented in a joking matter.
no sir, I don't like it
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-26 09:40:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thats okay shandy she can sit on my knee.
and be knee i mean of course cock.
4inches indeed! that is english inches though. 1 english inch = 6 aussie inches.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-08-26 09:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At 3 years old, you're supposed to stop bathing with your daughter...
until she turns 14.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-26 09:06:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Apollo, how am I supposed to cater to the poor dear's ego if you keep calling him names?
Shandy, I'd love to call you Daddy. I would. But I have this morbid fear of being pimped out to your friends. I'm a lot more comfortable with 'you drunken hairy twat' as an endearment.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-26 08:54:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well apollo, i gather that although your wee-wee is of four-year old boy dimensions, the rest of you is more along the lines of an ox, so my lovely satanic bride might find it hard to fit in the tub with you.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-26 08:46:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha.
can i bathe with satan?
circe, shandy is a fraud!
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-08-26 08:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I...I...just don't know how to react to this. I liked it. But should I have?
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-26 08:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my wife often bathes with our 4yr old son. apparently he's always tryign to grab her tits
Submitted by dasteve (user info) at 2004-08-26 08:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Genius. The post and the comments.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-26 08:38:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:36:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Shandy, you're the nearest thing to a hero/genius/psuedo father figure in a really unhealthy Freudian way/undisputed Lord of all that is written and spoken I've ever known.
would it be asking too much for you too call me 'daddy' in future??
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-08-26 08:35:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stop taking baths with your daughter. She'll probably remember trying to grab your cock when she gets older and become grossed out by the thought of it, and feel shameful later in life.
You have a wife or something? Do you talk to her about shit like this?
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-08-26 08:24:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Absolutely brilliant writing.
I guess taboo subjects are too much for some people to handle.
Submitted by Midnight_Laydee (user info) at 2004-08-26 08:02:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was gonna comment on this earlier but work happened so I'm mightly relieved at your last update. I do think this was an unusual conversation and arose from something quite harmless but there's one thing that keeps popping back into my thought:
Dude. Get. New. Friends.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-26 07:49:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, some of you might be relieved to hear that james has just contacted me and said the deal is off. he can't think of a risk minimization strategy that would work.
obviusly rachel is too young to understand the logical side of it all. so the only way would be to tell her 'this is a special secret you must never tell anyone etc etc' and obviusly that would be very bad psychologically. unless we used grog or drugs or hypnosis so she would have no memory, and that too carries dangers for her.
i was glad though that one reviewer praised the discussion of an issue such as this.
in all seriousness, i think child sexuality needs to be openly discussed in non-conventional ways. the current situation is clearly a disaster. talking about it, and admitting that prohibited currents of sexual energy do indeed exist in ordinary people, seems healthy to me.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-08-26 07:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Normally, I'd give this kind of subject an automatic -2.
But FUCK, man... you have me befuddled.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-26 06:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-26 06:23:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-26 06:13:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
I see the point of this but what you have to remember is you are also a product of the social conventions we all adhere to.
Therefore intellectually this could be sound but emotionally I doubt it.
i just said all that ja... er, apollo. scroll down you cunt.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-26 06:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn
read the ratings first fatboy.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-26 06:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-26 06:11:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
conclusive enough for me, you limey twat """
hahahahahahaha
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-26 06:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I see the point of this but what you have to remember is you are also a product of the social conventions we all adhere to.
Therefore intellectually this could be sound but emotionally I doubt it.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-26 06:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
conclusive enough for me, you limey twat
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-26 06:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
some suprisingly interesting comments on here
random joe's point about the meaning of 'intrinsic' is a good one. could it be said, for example, that there's nothing intrinsically bad about pain or suffering or death, that we are just taught by society that these things are bad? unfortunately, the direction this kind of question leads in is beyond me. too tricky for me.
as for acting out this hypothetical case in real life, of course i wouldn't. (well probably not, anyway). you can't act against social laws and taboos without consequences. and also, i am actually, though some of you may doubt this, a product of this society and so actually share the same revulsions most people would feel at the thought of their toddler rubbing (or sucking or whatever) soemone's cock.
but if i was in a different society, where sex was regarded by everyone in the same way we regard, say, a back massage or shaking hands or playing tennis, then of course it would be no problem. no reason my daughter shouldn't get some money for gving someone a back rub, likewise a cock rub.
and don't assume such a society will never come to pass. there are anthropological precedents of sorts, and of course the chimps are the most promiscuos cunts on earth.
50 years ago poofterism was illegal in australia, now millions of them march around syndey every year showing off.
the idea of a society where all consentual sex is completely freed of all taboo status is a very interesting one to me. on the one hand, i think it could actually be a very good thing and would solve many problems.
but it's a bit like the arguments for decriminalising nudity. its easy to see there is no logical reason for making us all wear clothes, and that in a way its a form of repressive madness that makes us miserable and hung up. but the thought of everyone walking around naked is just icky.
likewise the thought of people wanking and roooting in public, giving your old granny's clit a bit of a lick to cheer her up, bum rooting your son becuase you felt a bit horny, etc etc etc. its quite repulsive, even though logically licking gran's clit doesn't seem any more significant than playing bridge with her.
This was a very good point too:
"Yes judge, he owes me a million dollars for getting a hand job from my toddler! I demand justice!"
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-26 05:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hardly conclusive method!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-26 05:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Yes judge, he owes me a million dollars for getting a hand job from my toddler! I demand justice!"
hahahahaha!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-26 05:34:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-26 05:27:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
I want a g-mail account bad style.
can someone invite me?
please??
jamiek88.at.tiscali.co.uk
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-08-26 04:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Using the same logic couldn't you justify having her do a lot more...say put chocolate syrup on his 'cock' and see what she'll do. 'Only if she want's too' = absurd and offensive.
Shandy is clearly not suggesting playing on this slippery slope in real life.
Right Shandy?
It would be interesting seeing him trying to get his money if his pal didn't come through with his end of the bargin.
"Yes judge, he owes me a million dollars for getting a hand job from my toddler! I demand justice!"
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-26 04:10:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you know that if you google 'shandy the dog', you find out that he is, in fact, a character in a rather dull piece of homoerotic fiction? And the name of the site it's on is the Apollo Network?
Apart from that, the question of right and wrong in this scenario isn't really that difficult. There's a difference between innocent exploration and selling a child for sexual gratification. Which is what it would be. The amount of money isn't a factor; if you feel it'd be wrong, or base, to sell a child's sexual favors for ten dollars, then it's still wrong to do it for a million. And a three year old girl is old enough to have a sense of modesty; being encouraged to bathe with men would probably do something undesirable to her psyche.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2004-08-26 04:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Any parent can spot the problem immediately: you've just wasted however many precious hours of your lie teaching her not to do something... then you're going to change the rules, and you'll have to do the whole goddamn thing over again. No amount of money is worth that kind of aggravation.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-26 04:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Apollo, you're jamie, aren't you.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-26 03:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your friend Jamie?
Jamie sounds like a sicko, I would steer clear of him.
He has sex with dogs as well I heard.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2004-08-26 03:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-26 03:13:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
what i fear is that if i refuse the offer, in thirteen years time when natashia is of age my friend jamie will probably have his way with her anyway (he's quite charming as well as wealthy).
i dread natashia screaming at me: "dad you stupid cunt!! i was just pulling jamie's cock and he said to me 'you know natashia, if you'd done this 13 years ago you would have earned a million dollars' Fucking hell dad, how could you have turned down such an opportunity????? I could have had those piano lessons, i could have gone to a good school, i could be in paris now, blah blah blah"
drking, thanks for those interesting comments and advice, i will respond a bit later on, must rush out now
===================================
The thought of this is just as good as the post, i mean it's pretty stupid to turn down a million dollars for something that very well may happen regardless. That's just irresponsible parenting to not take the million i tell ya!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-26 03:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Look, the question is really 'what is intrinsic?' And, how the hell can we determine what is intrinsic or not? AND what kind of effect that has on anything, if anything?
In some cultures, it could be perfectly acceptible for there to be sexual contact between family members. Like, say, Ancient Egyptian aristocracy...but we don't really know enough about their psychological makeup to determine what the effects of this theoretically intrinsically harmless activity is.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-08-26 03:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
nasty
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-26 03:13:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what i fear is that if i refuse the offer, in thirteen years time when natashia is of age my friend jamie will probably have his way with her anyway (he's quite charming as well as wealthy).
i dread natashia screaming at me: "dad you stupid cunt!! i was just pulling jamie's cock and he said to me 'you know natashia, if you'd done this 13 years ago you would have earned a million dollars' Fucking hell dad, how could you have turned down such an opportunity????? I could have had those piano lessons, i could have gone to a good school, i could be in paris now, blah blah blah"
drking, thanks for those interesting comments and advice, i will respond a bit later on, must rush out now
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-26 02:54:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your daughter is a fish? how can she kiss your cock when its under the water?
Submitted by replicate (user info) at 2004-08-26 02:42:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Definitely worthwhile.
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-08-26 02:41:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Freud would have a field-day with this
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-26 02:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your daughter is a fish? how can she kiss your cock when its under the water?
Deepthroat?
Submitted by booj (user info) at 2004-08-26 02:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Disturbing - but honest - I love it when political correctness is put to one side so that wrong shit can be explored.
Submitted by Smithstudd (user info) at 2004-08-26 02:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Another -2 for you........I read about this shit in the paper all the time........ I dont find it funny nor genius....Its sick to even speak of your daughter in that way
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-08-26 02:22:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's worth it.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-08-26 02:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats interesting and a little funny.
Its probably fiction and i hope so, still all the same if its not.
Now, if you end up accepting it, im coming back to -2 the hell out of you.
I agree with him that its pretty much harmless, BUT
-He isnt you. As far as you know that would do it for him, and thats sick. Why would he pay a million dollars for it?
-Youre selling your daughter and what she would probably later regret, which isnt your right cause you arent her. Being rich as a child dosent benefit her very much in the long term and you would get most of the advantages.
Harmless or not, its just fucking wrong if you accept that.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-26 02:19:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shandy I am under no misapprehensions and I thought the story was kinda funny (I would be very worried about your friend though).
At three years old I still think it is probably time to not be bathing with your daughter.
Apart from anything else it could be misinterpreted by someone if she mentioned it, and then there could be serious side affects for you your wife and daughter.
It does not take much for an over intentioned do-gooder to turn innocent peoples worlds upside down and inside out.
As a parent I think you get my drift.
Hell I have to remind myself all the time to not touch people I am close to, or talking to, or instructing. Our society has allowed twisted political correctness and overly zealous concerns to become very dangerous weapons indeed.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2004-08-26 02:05:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
More than a little bit creepy.
Submitted by pakifier (user info) at 2004-08-26 02:01:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder how people can read this sort of thing and not notice the complete and utter prevariction of the entire thing. No one in their right mind would post such a thing if they were in actuality doing it.
Read the story for its merits not what it is saying.
Excellent story and a great twist on logic.
P.s. Prevarication for those that can't understand it is better known as falsehood
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shandy, you're the nearest thing to a hero/genius/psuedo father figure in a really unhealthy Freudian way/undisputed Lord of all that is written and spoken I've ever known.
That said, you're a mentally unstable twisted shadow of a man.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:30:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
in other exciting news, i just got a call from demi moore.
(i sent this in the form of a movie pitch to steven speilberg, and apparently he got straight on to demi)
"my cunt is already shaved shandy and i'm willing to have my tits deflated if it means getting the lead role"
frankly, demi thinking she couild play a three year-old girl seemed a bit vein to me. but i was nice and polite on the phone, as i know she has a lot of clout in hollywood.
Submitted by Smithstudd (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
With a sense of humour like that Ill bet your the only one who touches your penis ...................you sick fuck
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Disturbing. Yet with a twisted logic that I found appealing.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:22:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well put method
as some of you seem to be under a misapprehension, let me state again very clearly: "i do not allow my daughter to touch my penis, in the bath or elsewhere"
Submitted by wijormiclat (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What Method said.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:18:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:10:44 (#)
Ranking: -1
Why don't you stop taking baths with your daughter?
....................................................................................................
I think that it might be about time.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you people just don't appreciate the twisted genius that is Shandy. Revel in it. He is your new messiah.
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:15:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:13:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but
but
I'm calling the law
This is not acceptable
Bart Bart, i command you to ban this jerk
GO BEARS WOO!!
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
that's sad man, that you have to actually think about that. It's bad enough that you let your daughter do that, but to even entertain the notion of letting someone else "pay" you to do that. That's just sad. Your willing to pimp your daughter, you shouldn't be allowed to have her. Your a sick, twisted fuck.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Why don't you stop taking baths with your daughter?
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:10:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't belive I'm +2ing this.
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
shit. dude. shit.
Submitted by Cam (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
a little disturbing.....
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-26 01:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a sick fuck, and I love you for it.