Wanker! (319 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty Humorno reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Liam Duffy <liamduffy606.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-26 02:26:02 EDT
The other day I was walking down the street and I accidentally bumped into someone and he called me a wanker. Now being me this pissed me off so for the rest of the day I followed this guy and remained shadow distance away from him when he got home I made sure to get the address before I went home and planned my assault on him.
I arrived home and immediately started planning on how to teach this guy a lesson, then it hit me I will eat his parents. So this guy being the townie he is was out every night.
I had waited in an alley that had a perfect view of the guys house all the nest day and when he left I knocked on the door and pretending to be an employee of British Gas I walked into the house ran into the kitchen grabbed a carving knife and I sliced the woman's throat and then as the man tried to attack me I threw the knife straight into his face (I'm such a good shot). I walked out into their shed and picked up a chainsaw, with it I dismembered the bodies and put them in a bin bag and headed home.
I got home I looked on the internet for a cannibals cook book and I found one. I mixed the people into a lovely stew with steamed vegetables (I'm such a bad ass cook).
The next day I saw the guy outside his house crying, feeling not the slightest bit guilty I went over and asked "Why are you crying?" and he said "I'm an orphan. My parents have been killed" I bust out laughing which made him cry more and made me laugh even more. After the half hour laugh fest I had I found out where the Orphanage was. Before he went to it, I went there and bribed everyone there to make his life hell, and they did, whenever there was an 'outing' for them I would all ways find a way to keep him behind. Eventually after about 2 months I went up to him and told him that I ate his parents and it was because of me he has not been able to go out any where and I was the one who made everyone hate you.
He went crazy and tried to strangle me. So now I'm really pissed off with him because so far he's called me a wanker and tried to strangle me, so I punched him in the face and decorated the wall with a colour called 'Hint of blood'. Before I left, I pushed his bed out side and handcuffed him to it naked. I went up to his room and pissed in all of his clothes draws and did a shit in his shoes. As I left he said sorry to me so I punched him in the face and he was kicked out of the orphanage. He currently lives under a tarp held up by sticks, he is still looking for some new clothes.
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