<Your Title Here> (530 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.79 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by vodka7tall <vodka7tall.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-26 11:33:45 EDT
Jagged and abrasive, the blood meanders. Drenched with liquid fury
slowly oozing through the wound.
Clinging desperation.
It steals slowly from the palm, burning, marring, engraving it's name in the flesh.
Such a bitter delight the return of a familiar companion.
The fear is insurmountable.
A resounding inability to retreat into that nameless depth. The beast swallows
and flicks a spiny tongue. It's menacing jaw awaits. A lucid dream?
My soul lies stifled. It cannot be roused, for nay it sleeps.
Hallucination.
The stench of his breath strangely sweet,
exhaled affection. It comforts and lulls me.
A luring temptation diseased by apprehension. It festers,
bubbling with puss.
This is no monster, yet he manifests as such.
Hold fast, cling tight. Do not relent.
Agony translated. Solace is my drug. Rationality finds no home
in the workings of the mind.
Death is life.
The wound is healed, but still it bleeds.
The scar cannot be seen, for the flesh has not been damaged.
It waits in shadows. Weakness is it's object.
Patient, angry.
Unsuspecting. He reveals himself to me, but too soon I have forgotten.
I cannot let go.
------------------------
So?
Looking for title suggestions for the above. Feedback as well. This is my first attempt at writing something other than an anecdote. Tell me what you think, and please, be as cruel as possible.
Thanks!!
User Reviews
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-03 11:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Vodka, I accept your apology and apologize for retaliating. You have earned my complete respect and while that may not amount to a mountain of beans, you've done it anyway. If you are competing in Ubermadness, good luck to you. Unless, of course, you're competing against me, in which I wish you best of luck.
God, did you see the size of that guy's ego? I'm just playing. Have a wonderful holiday weekend and be safe. It is noted that vodka is in your handle...
Terry
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-02 10:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't think that you would care. It just gets pretty obnoxious when noobs (yourself excluded) spam posts that you work on with -2's and someone of substance (because I have read most of what you have written here) negatively rate you without having read the material.
You don't like what I wrote. Great. You think that I am full of myself. Fine. I just ask that a serious writer, such as yourself, not rate me negatively after saying "ah, didn't read it. Scrolling was annoying."
Sorry for that negative rating. I actually like this post. I'm done whining.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-30 14:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't recognize this to be poetry. It read quite well.
I'm afraid you'll have to come up with your own titles, however. That's part of the burden of authorship.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-08-30 13:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Sorry, I didn't read this. Pretty annoying isn't it.
Submitted by onejupiter (user info) at 2004-08-26 16:57:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i'm not a big fan of poetry, but this was good
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2004-08-26 16:48:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
how about " The happist day of my life"?
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-08-26 12:11:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not a big fan of poetry Vodka, but I thought you did a nice job here.
I also think that writing in a different voice (like you've done here, as opposed to most of your other work), and succeeding...shows real talent. Keep it up.
Don't ask me for a title, though. Your interpretation of wha this is about is much more important than mine.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-26 11:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please categorize as poetry so I can avoid this kind of crap.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-08-26 11:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
more emo-esque poetry
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-08-26 11:38:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
forever damaged
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-26 11:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lubricant.
I just read Tiger Lily's post