My Steamroller Thievery (and a camwhore debut!) (1625 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.56 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Boogiefevuh <cowpower.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-26 15:00:08 EDT
It all happened one fateful Thursday night (one week ago.)
I found myself at a friend's house that his parents had recently bought for him. Spoiled son of a bitch, I know, but that's a different story. We had other business that night. The business of getting wasted and starting trouble. Business as usual!
I started out drinking an Irish Car Bomb (glass of guiness, pour in one shot of Irish whiskey, then drop an entire shot, glass and all, of Irish cream in, and chug the whole thing. Quite delicious!) as two of the heavier drinkers filled buckets with 6 beers each, and had a "Bucket-O-Beer Guzzling Contest."
A few more hours of this heavy assault on my brain cells and my poor, poor liver, and I had a happy smile on my face. Phase one: drinking, was complete. Time for Phase two: calling EVERYONE in my phone book!
As it would turn out, most people don't like to hear from me while drunk, nor while they are trying to get to sleep for work the next day, so Phase two was cut short.
Suddenly, I was hurled without warning into Phase three: Doing something incredibly stupid and/or dangerous, or simply, "Starting Trouble." Before heading back inside, right after my last phonecall was made, I spot three people from the party running across the street. Naturally, I give chase, waiting to see what they were up to.
**Interlude: Now, as luck would have it, there was a construction yard across the street from this friend's house. As more luck would have it, this one guy at the party, nicknamed Coggswell for some reason or another, worked at a construction yard in northern Jersey.**
"What are you guys doing?" I barely managed, still quite intoxicated.
"I have a CAT key! I have a CAT key!" Coggswell giggled back at me. "It's a universal key that works in all CAT branded construction equipment. We're gonna go steal something!"
At that point, I began drooling as profusely as Bart Simpson upon getting his hands on the Police master key. Ohh baby...
But there was still something in our way...those damned makeshift construction yard fences! They're basically chain linked, but with no poles to steady it. Our every attempt to climb it would result in the fence folding over on us. Finally someone, I forget who, got the idea to run into it full force. The fence bent in half, then attempted to right itself, flipping him head over heels into the soil of victory on the other side. Ignoring his moans of pain and scrapes of, uhh, pain, we followed his path, being equally flipped and soiled.
Everyone seemed to split up once we got inside the yard, just climbing on this, swinging from that. Every so often a car would pass, and we would hit the dirt. Yes, a few times a cop car drove by, and yes this wasn't the brightest thing to do. But when you stand before a steamroller, and you have the keys to it in your hand, you tell me how easy it is to just walk away.
User Reviews
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-10-02 17:53:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww, did I hurt Shitfuck's feelings?
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-10-01 19:23:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Sorry, but you're ugly.
Die.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:34:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ohh man...I knew it'd be ultra heavy, to balance out Damnation...I can't wait for that! And as for the label dropping them...God damn it!! That totally sucks!
But I must say, it's so rare to find another Opeth fan...nobody seems to know about them. As you said, it's always good to meet another fan.
And Sideburns...I'd love to, uhh...Burn your Sides...¿ Call me :-*
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:04:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep.
I'm Shadows Skulk.
There's really not much certainty about the new album because Music for Nations dropped them, and until they get another contract, any estimated album arrival times are just guesses.
The new album will be probably the heaviest yet, and, as Mikael says, "bordering on black metal."
Always good to find another Opeth fan.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 02:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't mind rolling my steamroller over your concrete.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-09-13 02:14:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-09-12 05:44:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Opeth forum
---------
Holy shit man you post there too? What's your name there? That's fucking bad ass.
...and any news on the new album? I'm completely lost on that.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-09-12 05:44:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Opeth forum
Submitted by Midnight_Laydee (user info) at 2004-09-08 07:27:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Class. Gona try those Irish bomb thingies at next possible opportunity!
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-08-28 00:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes, yes I would..
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-08-28 00:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:08:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Picture made me laugh, not sure why. Someone shoot me.
----------------
You'd laugh harder if you knew I was trying to run someone over, screaming "Yeeeeeaaaah Baby!"
...wouldn't you?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-26 19:21:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Dino (user info) at 2004-08-26 19:18:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-08-26 19:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Picture made me laugh, not sure why. Someone shoot me.
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-08-26 16:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Irish Car Bombs are the Devil!
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-08-26 16:06:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hat is off. Waaay off.
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-08-26 15:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
almost a -2 cuz i thought you stole someone's pipe, but this kind of steamroller thivery gets a +2.... hope you don't go to prison.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-26 15:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for camwhoring. if you are on aim come over and say hi. don't be a stranger!
munkeypants1
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-08-26 15:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Same thing happened to me once. Except I discovered that somebody left a key in a bulldozer.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-26 15:20:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for hilarious drunken AIM convo that took place on this night.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-08-26 15:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice story.
+1 for Irish Car Bombs
+1 for the pic
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-08-26 15:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh. Is this in the "science and environmental" catagory because you plowed down some trees and woodland creatures during your drunken escapades?
I remember a Calvin and Hobbes comic in which Calvin and his lovable stuffed tiger stood next to a backhoe and Calvin said, "I can't believe they're bulldozing this nice forest to put up houses! What if a bunch of woodland creatures met up, bulldozed houses, and put up trees?"
The proverbial light bulb appears above their heads, and in the next frame, we see a disappointed Calvin sitting in the backhoe's driver seat. "No good. They didn't leave the keys."
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-08-26 15:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent...here's to drunken tomfoolery
Submitted by ginger_in_mpls (user info) at 2004-08-26 15:10:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I just have to tell you this - I know some people who went to prison for doing EXACTLY the same thing. Be careful.
Ginger
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-08-26 15:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is true, ask Lojope. I was talking to her right before and after this happened.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-26 15:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wrote something similiar but mine was a little more random. And true.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/42004