don't take your vagina in for servicing....you will get screwed (1249 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialRating: 1.46 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by screaney (View user info) at 2004-08-26 17:08:46 EDT
Vaginas, for the most part, are reluctant to be serviced. Nowadays, the competition is literally stiff, with all sorts of technicians offering the finest in the latest tools, accessories and techniques to fully ensure a satisfied vagina. But since a vagina needs frequent maintenance, most vagina owners will opt for self-service, implementing some tricks of the trade as well as some pointers they may have acquired from friends or other acquaintences. Unfortunately, a qualified professional should always be on-hand to offer guidance and support during service; otherwise, a vagina may be caused irreparable damage through neglect and mistreatment (see removal of foreign objects).
The problem is that when a vagina does decide to 'go-out' and seek professional help, a lot of unknown variables come into play. "Who can provide the best service", "can this technician use his tools correctly", "is he aware of all my vagina's working parts", "will i be satisfied with the work or will my vagina be glossed over like so many other in-and-out customers?"
These are some tough questions for the new owner of a fully functioning vagina. If a vagina just wants to be taken in for a quick tune-up at high RPM's, a general diagnostic and hands-on part check is usually adequate. For a more detailed exchange, a vagina needs to research and invest more time in finding a trustworthy technician. This usually involves a quick stop at the body shop for re-outfitting, stripping, and a test drive. Then, with a change in gears and a tighter clutch, the vagina may need to be stacked, realigned and balanced, accept plenty of bore reaming and then finally, undergo an exchange of fluids. A vagina may notice afterwards that the timing was off due to the piston's misfiring; however, this can usually be avoided with more experienced technicians.
Vaginas may want to sample more veteran servicemen, all in an effort to get the best deal; but let's face it, these vaginas don't get much of a bargain. Sure they may get a discount on labour costs, but that's only because the technician skips a lot of the preliminaries and cuts right to the chase. A vagina almost always gets screwed on parts and services, finding that the parts used were of shoddy manufacture and the service was too fast and unfriendly. Another problem is that vaginas run the risk of being damaged during service. This is like a vagina signing a unilateral contract with the labourer who can renege on it at any time. Meanwhile, the vagina is upheld to the technicians creed of: i screw you but you don't screw me.
There are also more complications that arise from improperly servicing a vagina. While being serviced, a vagina may inadvertantly be outfitted with a new transmission. This is dangerous, eventually spawning a whole new life of problems for the vagina owner. This is the ultimate mistake made by the serviceman, occuring when he doesn't suit-up before work detail on the vagina's gear box and crank case while straightening up the drive shaft. When this happens, both parties are usually screwed, although there exists a tacit, consentual understanding that the vagina should admonish the craftsman of his negligence and stipulate and/or provide the appropriate work protection. One sure-fire way around this is to have a vagina in for service when one or more of its fluids is leaking. This tends to happen once every month or every 2500 - 3000 mL of urinations. Eventhough the job can be messy, regardless of vagina's model or make, (although older models stop leaking at some point), no gloves are required. And in the end, when the work is done, both parties will feel closer and wholely satisfied with the entire lube job.
So my advice to all the young vaginas out there: don't be taken in by all the blandishments of these so called vaginal-experts. They will surely rip you off. Instead, come on by to my place for all your vaginal needs. Est 1979, you will find that I have 25 years experience with just the right tool for the job - I am particularly proficient with the torque wrench. No appointment is necessary, new clients are always welcome and you can find my ad in the Pink Pages under "Genital Mechanics".
User Reviews
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2004-08-27 18:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAR HAR.
Submitted by screaney (user info) at 2004-08-27 18:33:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Inseminator (user info) at 2004-08-27 18:25:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. Jaines, you are a fucking genius. This +2 is for the first sentence alone. Oh what I wouldn't pay to have thought of this!
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
hey thanks inspeminator, but i'm not daniel jaines. although, i wish i could be him. xoxoxo
Submitted by Inseminator (user info) at 2004-08-27 18:25:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. Jaines, you are a fucking genius. This +2 is for the first sentence alone. Oh what I wouldn't pay to have thought of this!
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-08-27 00:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
beauty.
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2004-08-26 21:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i am afraid to read it. it is probably good, but i liked the title too much to have the moment ruined by potential mediocre slurring. i will read it later.
did i mention that title kicks ass?
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-26 21:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done.
Submitted by ToxicNarcotic (user info) at 2004-08-26 18:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
so confused
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is great.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:35:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for the title.
Submitted by ginger_in_mpls (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"One sure-fire way around this is to have a vagina in for service when one or more of its fluids is leaking. This tends to happen once every month or every 2500 - 3000 mL of urinations."
Are you fucking kidding me? Are you seriously trying to say you won't get a woman pregnant if she's on the rag? And you're 25? I call shenanigans on you being experienced.
Ginger
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-snicker-
It was funny. However, the real clicher is that it's listed in 'buisness and financial.'
Submitted by screaney (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
koolmang, why you little!!! this is an original piece bitch!!
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking great! A super-duper multiple paragraph analogy. Well done.
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-26 17:14:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Copy/paste!