Road Rage (346 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.17 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <cadchick.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-26 22:23:21 EDT
Imagine this, if you will. Rush hour traffic, 5 PM Thursday afternoon. I take the same way home everyday, and deal with the same 7 lanes of traffic merging from all directions onto a 3 lane bridge. It's a shitshow at the best of times and today was worse than usual. You could see the bad moods written on the cars, everyone driving a little too close and accelerating a little too fast when traffic moved forward. There is a merging lane off to the right, just before the bridge. This lane is generally a little used lane as it is merging off a lesser used highway. When traffic is extra nasty, assholes cut out from the general highway lane into this merge lane to get themselves slightly (maybe 30 cars) ahead. If you ask me, it is hardly worth it. It pisses off everyone in the right lane, as they then have to let these jack-offs in when the merge lane ends.
Well today I broke tradition, and almost got my ass kicked in the process. My car has been acting funny lately, it took a couple of tries to get it to start. So I'm feeling a little panicky, what is wrong with my Stella? She never misbehaves! I decide to take the longer, less traveled highway back, in case my car died. This way, I'd be doing everyone a favor, I wouldn't be one of those losers stalled out on the side of the road holding up or distracting traffic. Stella behaved well, so I'm merrily cruising along, head bobbing to the sound of my super mix 80's CD when I realize traffic is stopped ahead of me. The first thing I thought about was the fact I'd have to merge in using that dreaded right hand lane, and everyone is going to be calling me a cunt under their breath for being a sneaky bastard line jumper.
Oh well. I continued crawling along waiting for my turn to merge. I had my blinker on like a good little commuter, waiting for someone kind enough to let me in. I could see it wasn't going to happen, I'd have to take off my nice hat and just get in there. A large black truck in front of me decided that wasn't going to happen. He deftly swung his vehicle into my lane, essentially blocking me from going any further ahead. What the fuck? I swerve around him, but not quite as deftly, he again moved his truck over further, blocking me again. I can sense the road rage and know why he's pissed, I'm a line jumping bastard and have to learn my lesson. I had every right to be in the merge lane, and I am building the anger inside my head as we continue this little cat and mouse game down the highway. I get up on his bumper and actually think of ramming it Dukes of Hazzard style, but then I realize I drive a Hyundai and he has a truck, bad idea all around. Damn me and my fuel economy! People are honking like mad from behind, and I'm thinking to myself, serves you right, you line jumping fuckers!
Finally, I get to the boiling point. I'm shaking and furious. I throw my car in park and get out to pound on asshole's window. Asshole gets out and at this point I should have just ran back to my car, locked the doors and sat there. He was irrate. He had a blotchy, red, sweaty face. I could see the rage pouring out of his ears. He sticks his finger in my face and starts ranting about line jumping cretins and how we should all rot in hell or something to that effect. I don't even bother explaining my right to be there, but I do grab his finger and twist it. Bad idea. Asshole wrenches his finger back from my grasp and pushes me against my car! I'm stunned at this point and have no clue what to do, so being the bright girl I am, I push him in return. He didn't go far. This guy had 6 inches and at least 80 pounds on me. I don't know what I was thinking, rage and adrenaline were fueling me. It was at this moment I wish I had taken Karate, or carried mace. Oh the joy I would have felt in macing that cocksucker! A quick Matrix sequence runs through my brain, I'd need a lot more than just one of me to bring his guy down. I didn't have to think about what to do next for long, for even better than 10 karate trained Erins, out of the blue, comes my guardian angel. Asshole didn't even see it coming, a beautiful right hook to the chin, and asshole was down on the dirt! He got up, took a look at my angel, and realized this was not worth it. Sure, he can pick on a 5'8" girl but when it comes to a 6' guy, his balls retreat back into his body. There were a hundred witnesses all watching the drama unfold, he knew he was outnumbered and the jury would be on my side. He hurried back to his truck, got in, and peeled back into the traffic, swearing out the window. Relieved, I start giggling away. I always laugh in the most appropriate situations. I should have been crying with relief, instead I'm standing there, snickering like a crack addicted retard.
Once I gathered my composure, I gave my guardian angel (now introduced to me as Todd) a big hug and thanked him. This should have been enough, right? Well it wasn't, he asked for my phone number. How do you say no to a guy who just saved you from a potential ass kicking? So I gave him my number. I might have switched a couple of digits around though... Oops. He really wasn't my type, chivalrous or not.
User Reviews
Submitted by cadchick (user info) at 2004-08-27 01:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"d) and you don't even give him a thank-you-blow?"
Comeon now, I gave the dude a hug at least!
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-08-27 00:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Milkman (user info) at 2004-08-27 00:37:18 (#)
Ranking: 1
my friend's grandma had cancer, but they found out she just died of old age
Buh?
Submitted by Milkman (user info) at 2004-08-27 00:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
my friend's grandma had cancer, but they found out she just died of old age
Submitted by poorfit (user info) at 2004-08-26 23:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-08-26 23:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
so let me get this straight:
a) you drive like an asshole
b) you physically abuse someone who was only lecturing you on driving like an asshole
c) a third party knocks him the fuck out for you
d) and you don't even give him a thank-you-blow?
what the fuck???
stillf unny...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-26 22:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i can relate.
Submitted by AvrilLaPete (user info) at 2004-08-26 22:45:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I wouldn't have let your ass in either. Learn to fucking drive, and quit being such a bitch.