Apparently there is a time and a place for urination. (17797 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.74 on 88 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Apollo (View user info) at 2004-08-27 05:36:22 EDT
Drink, drink, drink, drink, stop. Sleep, sleep, sleep, piss, sleep.
Wake.
Oh fuck, I've pissed the bed. Fuck, fuck, FUCK.
Sleep.
"Move over!"
"Mmmph."
Morning has broken. Blackbirds have spoken etc.
I've pissed the bed, the bed I am sharing with my girlfriend. She is awake, in the night I must have pushed her into the wet patch. Her face was like thunder. Loud and scary. So I put my dick in her mouth and punched her in the kidneys. In my head. Externally I whimpered and stuttered. Then an entirely unexpected turn of events occurred. She spoke. That in itself was only mildly surprising because I expected a shriek. It was more the actual words that she used that astounded me.
"I'm sorry. I can't believe it, I have never done anything like this before. I am so embarrassed." She said.
"Huh?" Was the best response I could come up with. I am nothing if not quick witted.
"I think I have pissed the bed. I don't know what happened but I wouke up and I was all wet and so were the sheets, I don't think too much of it went over where you are though. This is so embarrassing." She said blushing.
YES!!! YES!! SHE THINKS IT WAS HER!!
"Well, it is a bit gross." I said, brain finally kicking into gear. "I suggest you get this mess cleaned up."
"Okay. I'll just get a shower first."
"No, I think I will get the first shower, it is after all YOUR piss on me!" I said feigning indignance.
"Okay, I'll get the sheets in the washer." She meekly replied.
I was loving it, 'meek' was most certainly not the word I would use to describe her usually. I milked this for all it was worth, breakfast was made, I could watch Soccer AM without worry of her nagging me to turn the TV over from Sky Sports. Marvellous.
I am evil.
Every now and then I would bring up 'her' embarrasing story.
I told my brother and sister this story over beers a few months later.
My sister was quite friendly with my ex-girlfriend.
This was a tactical error. Guess what happened readers? Go on guess? Ding ding ding. We have a winner! What have we got for him Johnny??
My sister told my girlfriend.
She took it calmly as I am sure you can imagine, took it all in good humour. Oh how we laughed while I was in the emergency room waiting for treatment. I couldn't laugh too hard as it hurt my testicles too much but it was all good fun.
They have just about got back to normal size now.
User Reviews
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2005-11-16 07:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The funny bit is that a year later Apollo plagerised himself.
OH THE IRONY
Submitted by yuvalset (user info) at 2005-11-16 07:43:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't imagine how anyone could rate this -2. This is one of the pieces that are actually good
Submitted by parzival (user info) at 2005-10-18 18:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-07-14 06:44:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are such a plagairising cunt
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2005-06-14 09:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You stole this from tuckermax
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2005-06-05 06:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
quite funny. Loving the little Uberdrama bit.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-01-31 18:04:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Of course you didnt plagiarize, I never said you did. It's just basically the same story with the same punchline. Your writing style and Tucker's are completely different. I know this wasnt plagiarized -- it never crossed my mind. It's just very similar.
I didnt know, though, that this was posted earlier than his. I must have picked this off of the MRR list, not the main one. I thought I was reading one of that day's posts. I'm sorry for that, at least.
Regardless, I thought the post was hilarious, written by you or Tucker. It doesnt matter. You still got a +1 from me in the first place, so obviously I thought it was pretty good.
Thanks for spamming me with +2's...I've never seen that before.
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2005-01-31 16:48:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by williamson (user info) at 2005-01-31 08:47:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-01-31 08:39:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-31 08:24:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MY REBUTTAL TO THE COMMENT BEFORE THIS ONE.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-01-31 08:24:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:51:29 (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.tuckermax.com/peeblame.html
I see, though, UlfGabe already posted the story in its entirety.
It's a great story, but I've read it before. Tucker wrote it first. +1 """
NO HE FUCKING DIDN'T
CHECK HIS SUBMISSION DATE AND MINE.
I SUBMITTED/WROTE/POSTED THIS SOTRY FUCKING 3 weeks BEFORE HE DID SO FUCKING APOLOGISE TO ME RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING PRICK I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS.
IN FACT IF YOU DON'T APOLOGISE I AM GOING TO SUE.
look !! my original rebuttal.
seriously though, apologise.
"""Ulfgabe,
This is apollo88 from ubersite/pulsehead here.
Just to inform you that your groundless, ill-informed and rude
accusation of plagiarism is not only without foundation it is
insulting.
You may or may not like my writing but I can assure you that I have
never, ever, stolen anyone elses work and never will. It has happened
to me and it is not nice.
If you check the submission dates :
The Pee Blame (Released: September 17th, 2004) -- A funny story about
Tucker living through something he put another girl through earlier.
(pasted from tuckermax.com)
Apparently there is a time and a place for urination. (1747 hits)
Rating: 1.78 on 63 reviews (Rate this item) (View all ratings)
Submitted by Apollo (View user info) at 2004-08-27 05:36:22
Notice anything about the dates? I released mine 3 week earlier than him.
You owe me an apology and a plus two !
Easy mistake to make and I hate plagiarism as much if not more than you.
Regards,
Jamie. (apollo88) """"
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-01-06 14:51:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.tuckermax.com/peeblame.html
I see, though, UlfGabe already posted the story in its entirety.
It's a great story, but I've read it before. Tucker wrote it first. +1
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-11-20 08:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-31 17:57:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stupid shithead
Submitted by letpandasdie (user info) at 2004-10-07 13:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
we've all heard that joke before, and we are all sick of your linkwhoring, so.. here it is back at ya.
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Want a laugh? Check out http://www.letpandasdie.com
Submitted by Amy (user info) at 2004-10-06 00:57:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-10-06 00:45:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this?
This is like, my favorite post on Uber. EVER.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:42:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
putting it on the uber board is not linkwhoring.
Submitted by Naplander (user info) at 2004-10-04 10:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Loki <evil_anarchy_boy666.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-10-03 11:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
All right seriouly dude you don't have to put this shit ON EVERY PAGE we don't need to be interrupted while reading reviews by your chain of links so u get a -2....BAD MONKEY!
Submitted by Patrick <heightzguy.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-28 22:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for posting this shit all over the damn place.
Submitted by Walrus_King (user info) at 2004-09-28 08:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your story made me laugh, your link whoring didn't.
What really made me laugh was the Tuckermax story which you got accused of plaguraising.
personally if you've gotta go you've gotta go, but run to the fucking toilet first.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2004-09-28 05:21:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I missed this...
I once had a boyfriend do this to me...
Slightly different in that he rolled on top of me and I thought, hey hey! hot loving here I come, but all he did was sleep on top of me until I rolled over onto his sopping wet side of the bed.
To this day he claims that it was a can of beer that he'd fallen asleep holding...
But then, he woke one morning and pee'd on our cat, so Im not sure if I believe him.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-28 04:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In case he doesn't read his yahoo address.
Ulfgabe,
This is apollo88 from ubersite/pulsehead here.
Just to inform you that your groundless, ill-informed and rude
accusation of plagiarism is not only without foundation it is
insulting.
You may or may not like my writing but I can assure you that I have
never, ever, stolen anyone elses work and never will. It has happened
to me and it is not nice.
If you check the submission dates :
The Pee Blame (Released: September 17th, 2004) -- A funny story about
Tucker living through something he put another girl through earlier.
(pasted from tuckermax.com)
Apparently there is a time and a place for urination. (1747 hits)
Rating: 1.78 on 63 reviews (Rate this item) (View all ratings)
Submitted by Apollo (View user info) at 2004-08-27 05:36:22
Notice anything about the dates? I released mine 3 week earlier than him.
You owe me an apology and a plus two !
Easy mistake to make and I hate plagiarism as much if not more than you.
Regards,
Jamie. (apollo88)
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-28 04:30:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The Pee Blame (Released: September 17th, 2004) -- A funny story about Tucker living through something he put another girl through earlier.
Ha! You cunt!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-28 04:28:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
JSUT SEEN TUKER MAX STORY
IT SAYS RELEASED ON THAT SITE ON 17TH SEPTEMBER.
That is nearly 3 WEEKS AFTER ME.
So who is copying who???
Hmmmm???
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-27 17:53:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
right, you followed me pulsehaed with this accusation as well.
you obviously do not know me. this happened to me years ago and i wrote it up the other day.
with all the drunk lads in the world it is bound to happen to just more than one.
i have never, ever been to tuckermax.com and i most certainly have never copied anyone elses work.
you people know me, as if i plagiarise anything. this is in the style of all my work.
so fuck you. seriously.
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-09-27 05:40:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by wtf at 2004-09-27 00:09:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
horrible
Submitted by MisterCeltic (user info) at 2004-09-25 11:12:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you're going to shamelessly link whore to a post, make it a good one. This was marginal writing at best; zero worthy, no more.
literary content = 0
link whoring = -2
Write better. Link less.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-25 08:49:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by UlfGabe (user info) at 2004-09-24 22:18:47 (#)
Ranking: -2
Are you accusing me of something?
Submitted by Drunken Bum at 2004-09-24 22:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Time:4:43 PM, Place:Subway car next to guy in suit.
Submitted by UlfGabe (user info) at 2004-09-24 22:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
www.tuckermax.com
The Pee Blame
by Tucker Max
When I lived in Austin, I met some of the guys in a frat at the University of Texas. They were pretty cool (read: they worshiped me), so one weekend I accepted an invite to a party they were throwing.
Let me pause here for a moment to explain something to all of you out there who didn't go to college. The easiest place to get laid on earth (without paying) is an American college campus. And the easiest place on a college campus to get laid is a frat party. You don't need ANY game to get laid at a frat party. You generally don't need much game to pick up 18-21 year old girls anyway, but college frat parties are ridiculous. It's like a clearance sale in the pussy aisle at the hook-up store; Everything Must Go! No Reasonable Offer Refused!
One girl in particular drove this point home for me. Towards the end of the night, I was walking to the bathroom to urinate, when I saw a girl I had been talking to earlier. I called her over to me and explained my problem, "I'm drunk and can't undo my jeans. I need to get them off or I'll pee in my pants."
I fully expected her to look at me like I had just told her to kick a kitten into a wood chipper. I mean come on—who would buy that stupid line?
A drunk college girl at a frat party, that's who.
She laughed, remembered my name from earlier, told me I was cute, and undid my jeans for me. Well...fuck me, it's time to push it. After all, the only way to see how far she'll go is to ask, "Will you hold it for me; I'm going to pee on my hands if I try to do it."
She laughed again, led me into the bathroom, and though she declined to actually hold my penis while I pissed, she did stand behind me, hold my hips and say, "I'll stand here and be a spotter for you."
Tucker being Tucker, I decide to test her spotter skills. I pissed on the wall to the right side of the urinal, and she laughed and said, "Move left." I shifted all the way to the left, and pissed on the wall to the left of the urinal. She giggled and kind of nudged my hips so that I peed in the urinal. Meanwhile, she checked out my package the whole time; I guess this was her idea of foreplay.
She then zipped my jeans back up, being considerate and observant enough to make sure not to catch my penis in the zipper, and we got another beer together. I honestly don't remember what I said to her over the next ten minutes, but it ended with, "Let's get out of here," and her following me home. I only lived like a block away from the frat house, so this worked out well, as my driving skills at this point would have been about equivalent to a narcoleptic chimpanzee with palsy.
At my place, clothes come off and fucking starts. I am completely shit-housed drunk AND wearing a condom...yeeeah, Tucker is not coming tonight. I had a hard-on, but Jenna Jamison on prison quality crystal meth wouldn't have had enough energy and skill to get me off.
I started to slow down because I wasn't going to come and I was tired and drunk, but she was into it, and told me to keep going. What? Fine, I go for another 5 minutes, get bored and stop...and AGAIN she tells me to keep going because she is close.
Well thanks bitch--I'M NOT.
I start pumping again, but the situation quickly becomes intolerable: I can't feel anything, the latex is chafing, and I am so drunk I am about to vomit. Without anymore options, I do something I have never done before, and honestly didn't even think guys could do:
I faked it.
I swear to all I find holy (i.e. open bars, hot women and money I don't have to work for), I pumped real hard for ten seconds and then collapsed. She kind of let out a sigh, and said she wished I had kept going because she was almost there. I started laughing, "Yeah, well my penis has a mind of it's own." We both pass out, me giggling to myself about how sneaky I am.
Fast forward to the next morning:
I wake up completely covered in urine. I know it's urine because it SMELLS. I know it's me because my side of the bed is soaked, and she is on the other side of the bed and only slightly wet on her side, not her crotch.
The irony of this is revolting. Not even two months earlier, a girl did this to my bed, and I made fun of her ruthlessly for it. Yes, the gods of alcohol obviously have a sense of humor, and yes, they are using it to mock at me.
My bed is completely fucked up. There is piss everywhere. What do I do? Do I just accept that fact that I am some sort of incontinent buffoon who wets his bed?
No. I decide to stand against the gods, to deny them their pleasure at my expense and to change their bankrupt prophecy. Tucker Max does not bow to fate.
I get up and change my clothes, throwing my piss stained t-shirt into the washer. I delicately roll her onto my side of the bed, the urine-soaked side, and then pour some lukewarm water on her crotch. As I do this, she starts waking up, so I shake her to confuse her and yell, "Wake up. WAKE UP!"
She slowly wakes up, looks around, and is obviously still drunk. Before she can even process what is going on I tell her to look down. She sees the massive dark stain and feels her wet shirt (Ed note: We both had shirts on, as we were too drunk/horny to fully disrobe before fucking). I help her out in case she is still confused:
Tucker "You fucking pissed my bed. You PISSED in my BED."
Girl "What?" She reached down and touched the sheets, "OH MY GOD!"
Tucker "Why would you do this? Could you not find the toilet?"
Girl "No...I...this never...I've never--oh dear god!"
Tucker "God is not going to clean this piss up."
Girl "I'm so sorry, I've never...I can't believe I was that drunk. I am so embarrassed."
Tucker "No shit. I'd be embarrassed too if I pissed in someone's bed."
I got up and went to the bathroom because I just couldn't hold in my laughter anymore. I came back to my bedroom and she was standing there, in utter disbelief, staring at the bed, nearly in tears. She turns to me and says,
"I can't believe I drank that much last night...I still have to pee right now! How could I pee all that out in my sleep and still need to pee more in the morning???"
I almost lost it again. I had to leave the room, pretending to be in anger but nearly biting through my hand to suppress the laughter. I got into the shower and laughed for a good ten minutes while in there.
When I got out she had already stripped the sheets and put them in the washer, on top of my piss clothes that she didn't notice. She apologized about 100 times, wrote me a check for a new mattress, and then got out of my place as soon as she could. Predictably, she did not leave a number.
I nearly framed the check. I didn't cash it because even I have limits on how much I will exploit someone. I took all her dignity, I don't need her money too.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-09-24 18:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fantastic
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-09-24 18:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gold.
\o/
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-24 18:00:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHA you are one bad mofo.
Love the ending!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-24 14:17:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by queensowntalia (user info) at 2004-09-24 14:13:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good one.
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-09-24 10:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-24 10:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stop acting link whore like fetish you feckin' tea bag.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-09-24 09:07:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Woah, gross. Rather funny... but gross.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-24 09:06:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn funny, but I don't know about B@W. Sure it was humorous, but it wasn't one of those posts where I'm burying my face in my sleeve to prevent my boss from hearing my laughs...
Then again, this is better than most of the shit that DOES end up on B@W.
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-09-24 08:10:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ha ha ha ha ha
you let your girl think she pissed the bed
ha ha ha ha
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-24 08:01:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-09-23 15:22:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice ending.
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2004-09-23 10:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yummy.
Submitted by fog (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was giggling like a school girl
Well done.
Submitted by hummer_please (user info) at 2004-09-10 08:55:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love Soccer AM.
Submitted by NoahsArk (user info) at 2004-09-02 17:01:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_love_panubans (user info) at 2004-09-02 16:59:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
aha .. very good
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-09-02 13:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this?
Pretty damn funny.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-08-27 18:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
peeing on genitals is grrrrrreat!
so says tony the tiger.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-08-27 17:58:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, it's great being a guy...
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-08-27 17:47:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mildly amusing. in my view, fails to soar to the great heights of which apollo is capable.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-27 13:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahahahahahahaha
the best part about having a penis is you can aim. so, if you pee the bed, drink some water, and wait until you have to go again. then aim for her crotch and pee all over it. then she really will think it was her.
Lisa and i like to pee on each other's genitals for fun.
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-08-27 13:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can somewhat relate to this post in a way.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-08-27 12:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-08-27 12:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-08-27 11:47:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-27 11:23:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bart, if you put this on B@W I'll give you a dollar.
Okay, well you know I'm such a whore that you'll get a dollar out of me anyway, so how about TWO dollars?
Eh? Eh? *Dangles credit card in front of Bart*
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-08-27 11:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
aaahahahaa, yes, and that time and place is here and now.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-27 11:02:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
B@W ?
Yeah, that'll be the day.
:(
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-08-27 10:02:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Her face was like thunder. Loud and scary. So I put my dick in her mouth and punched her in the kidneys. In my head. Externally I whimpered and stuttered."
This is the funniest 5 sentences I have ever read on Uber.
B@W.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-08-27 09:59:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-27 09:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-08-27 09:40:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Mwahahahaha.
Pub lunch was it apollo, you great Dimebar? """"
It was mate yes, good guess!!!
3 pints of stella!
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-08-27 09:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Mwahahahaha.
Pub lunch was it apollo, you great Dimebar?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-27 08:55:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
slut
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-27 08:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
only messing.
don't worry about it.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-27 08:48:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fucking stupid dickhead arsewip cunt bubble alcopop drinking bar slut.
aaaaaaaaarggh
where do you live??
I am going to fist you with a metal spikey glove on.
then show your dad the photos.
thats even if you know who he is you retard
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-27 08:42:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh man that has fucked me off an inordinate amount.
inordinate I tell you.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-27 08:40:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you fucking dickhead!
oops forgot rating
die fucker
i know people 'don't care about their rating' but I FUCKING DO! I AM AN EGOMANIAC.
Submitted by Midnight_Laydee (user info) at 2004-08-27 08:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry, forgot the +2
Submitted by Midnight_Laydee (user info) at 2004-08-27 08:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fantastic. i knew a guy who got up and pissed in his girlfriends wardrobe when drunk one night, then blamed it on her dog. Would've worked if the dog hadn't died two days earlier.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-08-27 08:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was magical.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-08-27 08:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Apollo, you're my hero.
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-08-27 06:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
been there....
Once i puked onto my bed, and then lay on it as i slept. Turning it into a puke pat. It stunk for weeks. Blamed the cat.
I no longer drink vodka.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-27 06:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A mans balls are things not to play with
________________________________________
Oh they most certainly are
Submitted by retarded_ape123 (user info) at 2004-08-27 06:31:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should kill her for kicking you in the nuts
A mans balls are things not to play with
Anyone who treats them wrong must be punished
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-08-27 06:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jazzdude - If you used to live opposite a pub in a small village in Oxfordshire I know who you are.
If not, well it should at least make you feel better to know that you're not the only one. Though the guy I know who did this was so pissed he got back in his bag and went back to sleep.
Submitted by jazzdude (user info) at 2004-08-27 06:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pissing your bed is a lot better than standing up in your sleeping bag (having gone to sleep), pissing OVER said sleeping bag and then lying back down and going back to sleep (needless to say I'd been pretty paralytic when i went to bed)......that was 5 years ago now and I still haven't heard the end of it....
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-27 06:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
maybe so optics but I swear this is true.
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-08-27 05:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i think i've heard this before somehow.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-08-27 05:57:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Magic!!!
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2004-08-27 05:55:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Soccer-Am, by golly that's good TV.
This weeks will be great, I'll get to see Norwich making monkeys out of, erm, northern monkeys again!
Oh yeah, great post!
Submitted by Cymak (user info) at 2004-08-27 05:49:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"So I put my dick in her mouth and punched her in the kidneys. In my head. Externally I whimpered and stuttered."
Ha.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-08-27 05:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha. great stuff.
Pissing in the bed always merits a +2.
Espo
Submitted by oria-dae (user info) at 2004-08-27 05:44:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
made me laugh...