"Well, we've got nothing better to argue about..." (477 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.43 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Cymak (View user info) at 2004-08-27 05:46:23 EDT
Shamefully, I admit to being a political science major. I can't help it--I don't like doing real work. It must be the lazy Dutch-Irish-American in me. Regardless, I recently had to read several books regarding the tired old topic of media bias, and my response got me another bad grade (i.e. my hamster soliloquy, hit view user info if you want to read it, because I'm too lazy to link). The assignment was simple: read some books, right a brief on them, and then make a short presentation to the class regarding what you learned (a la grade five). The following is the speech I gave to my Poly Sci class. Nobody clapped. One person walked out. Success!
Anyway, here is the full text of my speech:
To start an argument with a partisan loon, use the following phrase, filling in bracketed areas as appropriate [The following was printed on a big poster.]:
"The media is [liberally/conservatively] biased because of [insert unsubstantiated, dry, witless, and unimportant laundry list of ridiculously minor offenses here]. This [liberally/conservative] biased media is creating a bad influence for children and is brainwashing the ignorant masses into voting for [Bush/Kerry/LaRouche/Osama]. The only news station I ever watch is [CNN/FOX/CBS/ABC/NBC/MSNBC/etc.] because they report objectively."
Then watch the world go down in flames. I know that preying on the disadvantages of the weak-minded is considered animal cruelty in some places, but I refuse to recognize media bias whiners as animals. Protozoa is a better classification for their single-celled nature and general lack of advanced reasoning capabilities. Witness the awesome power of the Media Watch and Media Matters amoebas locked in pseudopod-to-pseudopod combat. Rar! [Visual aid number 2, in the form of a crudely drawn flipbook of two amoebas in a deathmatch.]
So the media is biased. Yes, the world is unfair, and I'm quite surprised your parents didn't cue you in on that one with the trademark responses of "Because I said so" and other such logical fallacy. So news should be reported objectively. And let's admit: to you, objective means agrees with you, the moderate independent that you are who just happens to vote liberal/conservative every time you go to the polls. Yes, that simply screams moderate.
But I digress. Partisans: quit your whining and quit blaming everything on the media, and that goes for politicians to. No, the Iraq war is going without a hitch—it's just the media is filtering all of the "good news." Because, as we all know, as the good news starts flowing in, the bad news will simply just go away. No, you're not really a hyperactive Sasquatch, Dr. Dean—the media just defamed you by playing the Iowa concession speech too often. Oh, and of course, it was the media, not the Republican-controlled congress, which brought down the Clinton administration by replaying his infamous "I did not have sexual relations..." etc. comment.
Please. Grow a pair. The media reports what the media reports, and if you don't like it, learn something that you probably should have known by now: you can't trust anything to one hundred percent effectiveness, so do some research for once. Most of you have the internet in your homes now; Google alone can peruse over four billion webpages (if you subtract the porn, you've probably still have at least ten thousand from which to choose). Try typing in some different URLs and see what happens. You might be surprised.
[Teacher's comments: Media bias is a serious matter, and some of the other students have complained about the offensive nature of your rhetoric. Please speak to me after class.]
Bah! Damn hippy professors.
Fetish, please -2 this post. Thank you for your insight. It gives strength to us all.
User Reviews
Submitted by Cymak (user info) at 2004-08-27 17:34:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Well, for a PolSci major, this WAS pretty weak.
Hate to have to be the one to say it, but there's a great deal more to the subject of media bias and its effects on global politics than what you've shown here. While it would probably have made a good Ubersite post by itself, it's certianly nothing I'd have turned in for course credit."
Well, I was a freshman.
And to whoever said it could have been written by a 14-year old, I also remind them that I wrote this in class because I am a slacker.
Ouch.
Submitted by disAbled (user info) at 2004-08-27 10:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have reamed you grade wise because your speech could have been written by a 14 year old.
I know Math BS majors who write/speak better.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-27 08:38:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, for a PolSci major, this WAS pretty weak.
Hate to have to be the one to say it, but there's a great deal more to the subject of media bias and its effects on global politics than what you've shown here. While it would probably have made a good Ubersite post by itself, it's certianly nothing I'd have turned in for course credit.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-08-27 08:19:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pffffft . . . poli-sci majors . . . think they know everything.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-27 07:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Should have walked up to the front of the class and smacked the toftiest looking kid in the face. Next day you see "SENATOR'S SON IN VIOLENT ASSULT ON SCHOOL PREMISES!!" Then walked up and hit 3 guys in the face and get a beating for it.
Where's your "RANDOM GUY BEATEN SHITLESS BY 3 THUGS ON SCHOOL PREMISES!!" headline? That's media bias.
Submitted by Rainer (user info) at 2004-08-27 07:21:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for you.
Hey, I rhymed. Tee hee.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-08-27 06:26:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Foine speech...now what do we do?"
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-08-27 06:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your teacher seems like a bitch.