I Wish People Would Stop Trying To Have Sex On My Head (1913 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.82 on 53 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Shark25 (View user info) at 2004-08-27 15:06:08 EDT
Uber I was living in a house during my last few years at college and some of the people I lived with were not the most up-standing citizens. Most the guys I lived with would fuck a girl even if she told them she had herpes up front. (Trust me on that I did a study for psych) Which leads me to this just another one of my horrifying tales from college.
The house was very nice and was just off campus so you could still walk to class. It was owned by one of my friend's dad's. He charged minimal rent for a room, as he was loaded so everyone tried to get in this kids good graces. Since there was only one room open he gave it to me. I got to school about two weeks before the start of classes so I could party with some pals who were coming in early as well.
There was one problem when I got there my room had someone in it. Lisa was a senior and hot as the sun. She had finished her summer school and still had one week in the room. We agreed that I could just stay in the room with her and we could co-exist for a week. Now I know what you are thinking "Shark tell me you are going to try and hit that shit?" well I found out she had a boyfriend who was down in Texas so your damn right I was going to try and hit that shit!
Anyway as the week went on we decided to have a house party and we invited everyone we knew to be in town to the party. As the party got started and the alcohol and other things were ingested or smoked I started to flirt with Lisa and I noticed she was getting very touchy with me. Just then my buddy Mark came up to me and asked if he could speak to me.
I went outside with Mark and he slapped me across the head.
Mark: What the hell are you doing?
Me: Well I was going to fuck Lisa until she was retarded from it. Why?
Mark: Dude she is a total skank! Think of how bad the guys here are with sleeping with women. That's how she is with guys.
Well if you read the first paragraph of this story you will know what kind of man whores my former roommates were or still are in some cases. I had a meeting with my brain, my gut, and genitals on the subject and we decided to stay away from Lisa despite the strong argument to fuck her brought forward by the esteemed delegate from the southern region Senator Yogurt Slinger.
Well it was about midnight and I had decided to head to bed, okay it was 2:30am and I was drunk and went to bed, alright fine it was 4:00am and I blacked out and some people threw me into bed are you people happy now?
The next thing I remember was the bed shaking a little bit. I could hear voices. I could tell there were a man and a woman in the room. The voice of the women belonged to Lisa I knew that for sure. I also could smell something. The smell was familiar but I had not smelled it for a long time. Oh yeah it was pussy. I looked up and Lisa's pootytang was right above my head. Well this was weird I thought to myself. Then I brought my head and saw some dude who was nude (that rhymed) and he was excited running a video camera.
Well this wasn't up to par I can tell you that.
Dude: Yeah baby rub yourself on his head that's nice. Tell me what you are going do baby?
Lisa: Fuck yeah motherfucker. I am gonna fuck this kids face.
Me: Lisa what the fuck?
Lisa: Shut up bitch and lie still.
I tried to move and soon realized that I had been taped or tied to my bed. I could not move.
Dude: It's my turn next.
Me: The fuck it is asshole! Hey anyone who can hear me help motherfuckers!!
Lisa: Shut up!
With that Lisa actually sat on my face with her nasty dugout. My muffled screams looked to go unanswered before Lisa hit her orgasmic point and let loose. It was unpleasant to think what kind of diseases I had just gotten.
Then the dude who was standing there came walking over to the bed.
Dude: My Turn!!
He was way too excited for this. I wanted to scream but I did not want to open my mouth for this freak. Just then as if God himself directed him to my rescue a very drunk Mark walked into the room thinking it was his.
Mark: What the crap?
Lisa: Shit! Lets go!
Dude: But I never got my turn!
Mark scared the two violators out of the room and out of the house pretty much. Lisa found her stuff on the lawn the next morning asking her never to comeback with any of her freaks again. I thanked Mark for saving me while he untying me and all he could say was "I did what?"
Uber I went to the doctor too make sure I did not catch anything and I was clean of all diseases except for the rash but rashes don't count right?
Right?!?
Good Times
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2005-05-13 14:53:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/66233#1323893
i read this before. it is still +2 material. Glad you
decided to come back!
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-18 21:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh god...
"Now I know what you are thinking "Shark tell me you are going to try and hit that shit?" well I found out she had a boyfriend who was down in Texas so your damn right I was going to try and hit that shit!"
hahaha
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-14 01:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't get my turn!
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-09-14 01:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lrw (user info) at 2004-09-02 16:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
skanky face rape... nice
Submitted by BongZilla (user info) at 2004-09-01 22:05:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
haha you smelled her light-sabre.
-BongZilla
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-08-28 15:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha, hey atleast she was "hot as the sun"
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-08-28 14:34:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh lordy, that's disgusting.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-08-28 02:36:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my gentle jesus.
Love,
Peepoepoewitz
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-28 02:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God loves you :)
Submitted by HatMan (user info) at 2004-08-28 01:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by harmlessness <valishot> at 2004-08-27 21:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Meh..
You have good stories but you have way too many run-on sentences.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2004-08-27 20:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ugh, I think I just lost my dinner.
Submitted by PeopleAreStrange (user info) at 2004-08-27 20:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scary shit, although I bet you enjoyed it slightly. Thank god for Mark!
Submitted by xczar20x (user info) at 2004-08-27 19:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the esteemed delegate from the southern region Senator Yogurt Slinger
Best line in the post. GREAT
Submitted by DJMattB241 (user info) at 2004-08-27 19:19:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
"With that Lisa actually sat on my face with her nasty dugout. My muffled screams looked to go unanswered before Lisa hit her orgasmic point and let loose."
Did no one else catch that pun?
She sat on his face. His MUFFled screams?
BWAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-08-27 18:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Inseminator (user info) at 2004-08-27 18:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If the chick was hella hot and I had a working rubber, I'd definatly fuck her if she had herpes...
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2004-08-27 18:03:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a meeting with my brain, my gut, and genitals on the subject and we decided to stay away from Lisa despite the strong argument to fuck her brought forward by the esteemed delegate from the southern region Senator Yogurt Slinger.
Well it was about midnight and I had decided to head to bed, okay it was 2:30am and I was drunk and went to bed, alright fine it was 4:00am and I blacked out and some people threw me into bed are you people happy now?
The next thing I remember was the bed shaking a little bit. I could hear voices. I could tell there were a man and a woman in the room. The voice of the women belonged to Lisa I knew that for sure. I also could smell something. The smell was familiar but I had not smelled it for a long time. Oh yeah it was pussy.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
That entire section made me laugh out loud repeatedly. Hilarious post.
Submitted by jcricket (user info) at 2004-08-27 17:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did you cum!?
Submitted by melissa4 (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. That's all I can say.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:26:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The link! She has returned. And yet, so does the +2.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you destroyed the evidence. My upper head is not something that I would want to be the focus in an amateur porno. I'm glad that you didn't enjoy it. Have a good weekend.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:14:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Just to remind you, but there is a tape floating around with your head getting fucked. you may want to track that down and destroy it
************************************************************************************************
First thing I took care of after I was untied. I had pulled enough pranks in my time to know you always destroy the evidence first.
I promise I am done camping now.
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just to remind you, but there is a tape floating around with your head getting fucked. you may want to track that down and destroy it
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:11:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:09:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 because you spent a buck on the Uberboard without linking here.
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Please don't take the +2 away Nerf. But I did another one with a link. Sorry.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-27 16:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another +2 because you spent a buck on the Uberboard without linking here.
Submitted by phinchnot logged in at 2004-08-27 15:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
beautiful.
the dude wanted a mustache ride from you?
Submitted by Cam (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was great!
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:33:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How... bizarre.
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:32:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome story, but you need to work on your sentence structure. some parts were confusing as fuck to read. still a grade A post.
Submitted by RateBot (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:30:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man...you shoulda bit her clit right off.
"Leave it here. This is MINE now!"
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:28:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing.
If this happened to me, you could bet this would be the first thing I ever posted on Ubersite. You, however, had 63 other stories at least as good as this one. This is just another routine happening for you, post #64.
Funny as hell, though.
Submitted by retarded_ape123 (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would have killed everyone in that room and continued sleeping.
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great 1 dude!
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My life is sooooooooo fucking boring.
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He was going to fuck your head? My gut said -2 for the new phobia of being tied down, but my better concious tells me to give rash mcgee what he deserves.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:19:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha fucking awesome story.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:18:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome title.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:11:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
ummm... errrrrr.... woah. did you like it?
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:13:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, that's a good question. Did you like it?
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Well if it was just her in the room it probably would not have been so bad but the naked dude kinda took all the romance out of it.
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that's some funny shit
Submitted by charger (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn - she could have given you a little something more than rashes. Bitch.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:16:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have another for the story.
Senator Yogurt Slinger indeed.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the title alone...oh man!
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, that's a good question. Did you like it?
Submitted by syztem (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:13:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
his turn?
if it wasn't for Mark this would deffinitly be a -2.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ummm... errrrrr.... woah. did you like it?
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You sir, are great. Yes, great.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-08-27 15:09:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good times.