Chasing squirrels, stereotypical ghey Asian men, and surreal wanderings (862 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.9 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Glitch Cow (View user info) at 2004-08-27 18:58:51 EDT
Sometimes I just grab my dog's leash and wander. My dog gives me an excuse to go, an excuse to indulge my more nomadic ways.
I took her to the park today. It was one of the empty days, the streets mostly deserted. She tends to attract strange people, as she's quite a beautiful dog. Half boxer half something or other.
A man came running towards me and reached out to touch me. Instinct coupled with fear and I took a sharp step back.
"HE IS A PRETTY DOG!", the man yelled.
I started to realize he was with a group of people, visiting the park with chaperones. Some of them were looking shiftily around themselves. One had mussed the front of his shirt with saliva. But this man was the very embodiment of unguarded friendliness.
"WHAT IS HIS NAME??" he said.
I relaxed. My dog wouldn't let him pet her at first. She was wary, even as the man continued.
"WHAT COLOR IS SHE?"
I smiled. "She's red...I think someone is waiting for you". And a chaperone came and roughly pulled the poor guy away. I was a little disappointed. I would have liked him to stay.
Instead, I sat down on the nearest park bench and started to stare at the grass. Something about today was off, surreal. Those Italian surrealist movies where the babies grow out of cabbage gardens...that's what my life reminds me of.
A very sweet and very homosexual Asian couple soon sat down next to me. These were the most stereotypical men I ever could have conjured up in my wildest imagination.
One turned to me and inquired about my dog in delight.
"What her name?!" he asked in broken engrish.
"Stella."
He prattled at Stella for a full thirty minutes about his life, switching between cooing baby talk, and telling her about his partner, whom he referred to as his lover. At one point, he stood up and started to do tai chi. I was thoroughly weirded out, but fascinated. He talked to my dog as he continued.
"Do not worry Stella, we friends! Tai chi, just exercise, do not worry, want to join me?"
He reminded me very much of the only other Asian man in existence that was this stereotypical. A few months ago, friends of mine interviewed several people downtown about various aspects of the seventies, in the interest of examining public knowledge of history (I don't know why, either).
One of the men they encountered was, as he described it himself "New here". The interview was one of the oddest video clips I have ever seen (he shall henceforth be referred to as SAD, or "stereotypical asian dude").
Interviewer: Who was president in 1972?
SAD: Oh, Abraham Lincoln?
[dead silence]
Interviewer: Close, but not quite. Do you know what happened in 1976?
SAD: YES! America wins independence from France.
[more dead silence]
Interviewer: Well...um...Let's try something easier. Finish this phrase: "Conjunction junction, what's your _____?"
SAD: CHICAGO!
I shook off the memory and left quietly.
As I was almost home, Stella caught scent of a squirrel and dragged me halfway up a tree. The squirrel sat there staring, and started to make angry mother/dying bird noises at us. I was transfixed, until a drunk came up behind me and started imitating the squirrel.
"WANT TO SEE HIM GET REALLY ANGRY!!", he slurred.
I backed away slowly.
User Reviews
Submitted by ahdragos (user info) at 2004-12-28 02:50:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Interviewer: Well...um...Let's try something easier. Finish this phrase: "Conjunction junction, what's your _____?"
SAD: CHICAGO!
+2 for that line.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-11-15 20:15:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Seralena (user info) at 2004-11-15 18:20:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed. A lot.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-11-15 18:07:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was awesome
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-11-15 17:59:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Viv, what's a Glitch Cow?
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-08-29 21:09:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-08-29 20:57:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-29 20:42:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey not bad for a Noob.
I can see you will improve with time and to proove to Uber I don't ALWAYS minus two noobs you get a plus two.
Welcome to uber.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/41782
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-08-28 11:55:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why thank you ladies and gents, I didn't think this was all that bad.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-08-28 03:37:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we can change that.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-28 03:06:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Another of those cases in which the rating isn't an indicator of worth. You get nailed by a couple of idiots and the rating scares people away.
This was deceptively simple and pretty good.
Fifty one posts?...Damnn, I hate not knowing who people are.
Submitted by RateBot (user info) at 2004-08-27 19:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
burn
Submitted by GlitchCowman (user info) at 2004-08-27 19:14:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've made fifty one posts, I believe.
Figure that out yourself....muaha.
As for you, czar, you bore ME:
Everything you ever wanted to know about xczar20x
User id: 11662
Registered on or around: 2004-08-27 19:06:50
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 0
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 0
# Hits: 0
Average rating of all messages: 0.00
DAMN I'VE WANTED TO DO THAT FOR FOREVER.
Submitted by xczar20x (user info) at 2004-08-27 19:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
bored me
Submitted by RateBot (user info) at 2004-08-27 19:06:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this.What took you so long to post.