Holy Shit- Famous Dad antics 2! (716 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.17 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mr. Awesome <steveisgreat.at.rock.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-27 22:13:58 EDT
In case any of you were wondering, I call this "Famous dad antics" because I told some friends about the things he does, and after a week or so, people started coming up to me and asking me if the stories were true. They are. Here's some more:
1. In Brazil, the quality of meat is not as good as here in the U.S.. My dad is still convinced that ground beef (both in Brazil and the U.S.) is not composed of traditionally edible cow parts at all, but instead with extra organs, brains, rats they would find in barns, and sometimes people. This did not dissuade me from a lifelong love of the best parts of the cow... the ground up part.
2. I once made a joke about having children. He immediately paniced, stating that I shouldn't have children in my 20s because "It will ruin your life!" He was 24 when I was born. Thanks, dad.
3. A friend of his would call me "Piece of shit" right in front of him. He sometimed laughed.
4. Besides him and me, there was always at least one other person who shared the house with us, one being the aforementioned friend, and my uncle. Well, one moved out, and I went into his old room. About a month after I moved in, my dad noticed that the room was messy, and he started yelling at me and saying that everyone in the house (Excluding him)was disgusting and filthy, like monsters. He told me that one pig had moved out of the room, and another pig moved in.
5. My parents are divorced (obviousely) and my parents arranged split custody. There is no antagonism between the two. One day, he comes to pick me up from my mom's house with a friend. I hop out of the house and say "Okay, let's go." Instead of going, he pushes by me and goes inside. My mom is quite messy, and she had been working seven days a week, and there had been no time to clean. He walks around, saying "holy shit" and "Oh my god," while looking at things. He then goes upstairs, where my mom is setting up a new bunkbed for my half sisters.
Unlike some divorcees, they don't meet to have fights or anything, they are still distant friends. This meant that the visit from my father could have quite plesant. Instead, he seemed to be hell-bent on being as rude as possible that night (no reason, he's just an asshole). He makes various comments on the state of the house. "Don't you clean?" "Wow, how did this get so messy?" "Your whole house is dirty, do you know that?" My mom put up with it because she knew how rude he can be at times. Finally, we leave. In the car, him and his friend chatter in Portugese. Finally, he says this gem: "All Americans are dirty." By the way, that included me, too.
I have some longer ones, but those are part of larger stories, so I will save them for another day.
User Reviews
Submitted by HelloMello (user info) at 2004-09-25 21:28:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dickfor
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-28 12:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1093710009534211819
Here you go.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-28 09:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
As a matter of fact...I am going to write about him now.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-08-28 09:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You don't know what a fucked up dad is...
Try watching as a five-year-old boy while your father knocks a horse (your horse) in the head with a stick so hard his eyeball pops out and dangles by the optic nerve. Then watch in terror through welling tears as he nonchalantly plucks the eyeball from the stunned animal's face and tosses it aside while continuing on about his business...
Sorry, but this crap you metioned above is nowhere NEAR the insanity that was my father growing up.
It is worth reading if you grew up with the Brady Bunch and have never been exposed to the dark side of life like I was WAY too early...
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-28 08:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by mr.awesome (user info) at 2004-08-27 22:47:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
You don't understand, NetProphet... When you kick ass as much as I do, you're above such petty things like rules, and the law. I do what I want, when I want, and to who I want. Don't try to fight it, it's just how it is.
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Oh. My bad.
Submitted by anderson (user info) at 2004-08-28 03:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a 0 because this sucks, but your father is a faggot, and you have to live with him.
Submitted by lux78 (user info) at 2004-08-28 00:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let it out, son.
Submitted by mr.awesome (user info) at 2004-08-27 22:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You don't understand, NetProphet... When you kick ass as much as I do, you're above such petty things like rules, and the law. I do what I want, when I want, and to who I want. Don't try to fight it, it's just how it is.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-27 22:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Awesome. I'm just going to paste my review from the other "Dad Antics" post, because my opinion has yet to change on the matter from a few hours ago when you posted the last one.
Wait a minute...
Three posts in one day? We have a little rule around here, and it's called one post per day, beyotch.
This otherwise good post gets a -2 for that.
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Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-27 17:05:46 (#)
Ranking: 1
Reading this made me think of Dad from The Brak Show. +1 for that.
Quotes
________
Brak's Dad: "Life is not about the second chances. It is about a little mouse and his voyage to an exciting new land. That, my friend, is what life is."
Brak's Dad: "Aha! I fooled you again, boy! ... Go change your pants."
Brak's Mom: "Honey, I think there's something wrong with Brak."
Brak's Dad: "There's something wrong with all of us, Darling."
Brak: "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANYMORE!"
Brak's Dad: "Ha! Finally my own office. You see, Mother, I told you if we were patient we wouldn't have to add on."
Brak's Dad: "Mother, have you seen my blue velvet warm-up suit?"
Brak's Mom: "Isn't it in your exercise drawer?"
Brak's Dad: "Oh well how will I know that unless YOU go open the drawer and look?"
Brak's Mom: "Honey, can't you do that yourself?"
Brak's Dad: "Yes, but then what would be the point of me asking you to do it?"
Brak: "Hey are you guys fighting?"
Brak's Mom: "No, dear. Your father's just behaving like an ass."
Brak's Dad: "Well you should know. You married one."
Brak's Dad: "Mother, people only invite you to dinner for three reasons: to sell you vitamins, to drug you and take unpleasant snapshots, or to convert you to their hideous farming religion."
Brak's Dad: "They probably don't even have toilets."
Brak's Mom: "Of course they do."
Brak's Dad: "Then they probably flush upwards, spraying bottom-devouring spiders on you!"
I could go on forever.
Here's an automated Dad Quote Generator:
http://www.creamedgeezer.com/quote/dadquote.php
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Submitted by deadSurfer (user info) at 2004-08-27 22:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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