Diary of a Madman 19 (1100 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: doam
Rating: 1.42 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bigmike (View user info) at 2004-08-27 23:43:24 EDT
I am writing this as I sit, bunkered down, in a corner of the closet in my bedroom.
They are coming to get me. All of them. They woke me from a sound sleep to tell me so.
I can't get away from the noise. Voices. Voices. Voices. They never stop. They are calling my name. They are calling out my soul. The call is enticing. Like a lullaby laced with death. The noise is enticing and repulsive at the same time. It sounds like murder.
I did them all in one way or another. I did the young girl that can't stop screaming my name. I did the older gentleman that can't stop cursing at me. I did the hooker that can't stop hurling profanities at me. I did the mother who keeps reminding me of her young childrens names.
I did them all. It made me happy at the time. Now I am full of fear and loathing.
I used to wonder if I would meet them; if they would be laying in wait for me on the other side. I would wonder if they would still be angry with me for taking their remaining years and discarding them like yesterdays newspaper, headlines of their life smeared and crumpled with the remains of my breakfast.
Am I feeling guilty? I don't know. What is guilt? Is it a by product of sin? Does it come from within or without? How does one learn guilt? How does one learn sin? How does one learn?
Is it too late for me to learn?
I can hear them now, more loudly than before. They are clamoring for revenge. I can hear them as they speak the words of the dead.
"I am coming for you."
"We know where you are, you cannot hide."
I want your skin, your flesh, your bones."
"Look what you did to me, look what you did to me."
"I want my mommy. Mommy? Mommy?."
I can hear them wailing, crying, screaming. I have a knife and a gun. A grenade and a will to live. They have death on their side and none of my toys can stop them. I never thought that it would come down to this. Their revenge will feel sweeter to them than any of the acts I performed on them made me feel. I have no regrets, no shame. The walls are beginning to shake now. I feel like I am in some twisted dream where there is no way to escape the impending doom.
I press myself into this corner, wishing that my body would become one with the wall. I need to hide. I cannot run or stand against them, they are too many and too invincible. My god there are so many voices.
They sound so lost. Maybe if I clear my mind of all thought they will not discover where I am. I cannot do that though. Too many memories, too many thoughts, too many voices.
They are just outside the door now, screaming for entrance. They are throwing things and breaking things and screaming out my name. I cannot stop their pain, the pain I created. An incredible amount of pain. An endless supply of fear.
I can see the shadows now under the door frame. The door is opening slowly and light is seeping through the crack. I can see the mist, it is angry and dark.
I am going to slip my finger in the pin now, just in case.
I want you all to know that I regret none of it. None of it. If I live through this, there will be much more. I hate them all for making me feel this way, for making me feel so helpless.
Bastards.
Here they come.
User Reviews
Submitted by Holz (user info) at 2005-02-22 17:25:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-11-15 21:21:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I missed rating this one. I know I read it. Was it posted when I left home... yes it was. Okay, all is right and good with the world.
By the way, the very first DoaM post that I actually wrote something in my comment was #12, not #17 :)
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-08-31 08:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know how I feel about these, so I will just bask in the glow of madness for a while before moving on.
Submitted by fartmilfone (user info) at 2004-08-29 18:50:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-08-28 11:21:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
*sinks to knees and looks up at the sky*
Is this the end? It can't be the end! This is where I get my best ide- uh, I mean, read interesting things that I would never, uh, actually do. Yeah, that's it. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-08-28 08:51:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Like a lullaby laced with death."
It's posts with lines like these that make me want to be a better writer.
This is easily one of my favorite series ever, right up there with Mick's "Token of my Infection" series.
+2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-28 01:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's an uncommon gift to be able to create a sociopath who performs acts of unspeakable evil, and make your reader not only see into him but actually empathize with him.
Thanks for writing these.
Submitted by lux78 (user info) at 2004-08-28 00:47:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-08-28 00:46:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*kicks self* Why the hell haven't I read all of these yet???
Mark my words, Mike who is Big, this one installment has sucked in my interest. I shall read them all!
This was just perfectly written...you captured the whole essence of insanity mixed with paranoia so perfectly.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-28 00:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-08-28 00:29:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds to me like BigMike -is- wrapping it up. The guy has been degenerating more and more with each post. He's just about done, here, from what it seems like.
"hardly ever go upstairs anymore except to leave" was in one of the more recent ones.
Now he's barricaded himself in his closet.
His freedom of movement and self-rule have been steadily decreasing.
You see, now this is what I like about Uber. Someone who actually has followed what is happening here, giving an informed opinion and asking a relevant question. Someone who has a grasp of the character and is genuinly wondering what is going to happen next.
Good question GodChicken.
The answer is: I don't know. He's awfully paranoid right now. "Having a spell" would be a better way to put it I suppose.
Anyway, your guess is as good as mine at this point. And don't say to me "But BigMike, you're writing this, you should know what's going on". I don't. It just comes out this way.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2004-08-28 00:29:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds to me like BigMike -is- wrapping it up. The guy has been degenerating more and more with each post. He's just about done, here, from what it seems like.
"hardly ever go upstairs anymore except to leave" was in one of the more recent ones.
Now he's barricaded himself in his closet.
His freedom of movement and self-rule have been steadily decreasing.
Whats cookin BigMike?
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-28 00:09:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:58:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:52:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Who the fuck are you to talk, Falco?
You should have killed yourself ages ago.
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Right. Are you having delusions? Just because you have an intimate knowledge of suicide doesnt mean we all do.
You should be happy i didnt minus 2 it.
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Delusions my ass, you egotistical fuck. I have an intimate knowledge of suicide, ehh? I guess that means I'm fucking immortal, you idiotic fuck.
I should be happy?
I didn't write it.
Go -2 my latest post.
(Oh, and it's not 'minus two.' It's 'negative two.')
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:52:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Who the fuck are you to talk, Falco?
You should have killed yourself ages ago.
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Right. Are you having delusions? Just because you have an intimate knowledge of suicide doesnt mean we all do.
You should be happy i didnt minus 2 it.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:57:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've read better in this series. Still good though.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-27 23:52:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fuck you falco
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who the fuck are you to talk, Falco?
You should have killed yourself ages ago.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-27 23:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have ended this ages ago.