"Don't you touch that fly, you little fucker." (791 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <quatatoe_king.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-28 12:53:42 EDT
Ever see one of those commercials for kids starving in Somalia or Nigeria or the Congo or (insert any central or southern African country)? Sure, they jerk a bit on my heartstrings, but when you think about it, what would the world be like if ever person there lived?
Terrible.
Africa is one of the few places where industry hasn't completely taken over, for reasons such as: people there are too ignorant to know what industry is; 1 in 7 people has AIDS or HIV; children die all the time; people die all the time. Seriously: people need to die. It just isn't fair that a disproportionately large number of those people were botrn in Africa. My solution? Release the bubonic plague in New York city. Then we can see Jerry Seinfeld on TV with flies crawling up his nose saying "PLEASE HELP ME!" while the 5 rich people in Africa laugh it up in their bungalows.
Speaking of flies crawling up one's nose, the kids on these commercials always have some sort of insect wriggling about on their face. Now, I know these kids suffer from malnutrition, and flies are EVERYWHERE, but the fact is IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING TO HAVE FLIES ANYWHERE ON YOUR BODY. They tickle. They're nasty-looking. No person would just let a fly crawl all over their face. Now, if they do, it cuts a pretty pathetic image, meaning that if a small kid with beri beri and dark skin has a fly on his face, it makes him look that much more desperate, and people would be mroe likely to try to help him.
So here's my theory: while the kid wants (with all his tiny vitamin-deficient heart) to swat that fucking fly, the organization ("American Buxx for Malnourished Niggers" or some such condescending bullshit name) wants with all their hearts to get this kid a sponsor because they're all bleeding heart pussies with too much money and time on their hands. Hence, they get the camera man to point his "magic fire stick" (aka rifle) at the kid, while explaining to him with a series of clicks and glottal stops that if he touches "a single fly on your little nigger face I swear to Allah I'll blow it clean off". THAT is why the flies crawl everywhere without the kid swatting them.
"Don't you touch that fly, you little fucker; it may land you a couple bucks a day from some dumbass yuppie in Chicago who thinks he's saving the world by making sure you don't die of diahrrea in the next thirty days."
User Reviews
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-11-28 09:36:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
NURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-08-29 00:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Only a +1 because you kind of went all over the place. You started with it's okay that people in Africa die because they suck. Then, you moved on to we should just start killing people all over the place. Then you moved to the companies telling kids not to swat the flies. You had some great lines in there, and you definitely had potential for a great post (or two) but you didn't get there. Stick to one thing or another next time.
Submitted by Wish_I_Were (user info) at 2004-08-28 20:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-08-28 13:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What? Goddamn it, I thought I rated this already!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-28 13:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed. I'm a rotten person. "With all his tiny vitamin-deficient heart"... fuck, I'm still laughing.
Submitted by Oscar (user info) at 2004-08-28 13:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pe little asian boys!
Submitted by Oscar (user info) at 2004-08-28 13:16:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit: forgot to insult Fetish.
Uh....fetish likes to ra
Submitted by UlfGabe (user info) at 2004-08-28 13:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
cause ur in czeck
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-28 13:12:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Oscar (user info) at 2004-08-14 17:27:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't deny;
Even when you try.
To all of you,
Go suck on koolmangs poo.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-28 13:12:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment