DIESEL and Falco do Auckland.. (some serbo-croats and russians were also involved) (789 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.5 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DIESEL (View user info) at 2004-08-29 07:37:47 EDT
The following is an absolutely 100% accurate account of events happening in Auckland's viaduct harbour on Saturday the 28th of August..
Falco: For some people an 8 mile walk home in the rain would put a damper on their weekend.
Those people are societies weak and needy, they have inferior sixpacks like Toxicnarcotic.
DIESEL: After much to be pleasing in Vladimir (our newfound Russian icon who has no significance whatsoever) we proceeded to take on the challenge of this long walk home by stalling at a bus stop and consuming gratuitous amounts of beer. When we were sufficiently pissed and unable to walk straight we began our perilous journey home, destroying much to be having public property on the way.
Falco: Saturday night arose much like Barts penis when confronted with naked sweaty men, and in a similar fashion to Barty my friends and I were going to meet it, head on.
At around 11pm myself and DIESEL arrived at the local pool hall. Upon entering the hall we discovered that the theme for the night was downtown Harlem, Kneegrows were hanging off the rafters for as far as the eye could see. After playing a game we decided that it was time to head into Central Auckland as foreseen by the prophecy.
4.4 standard beers later and the walk to the clubs from the car had commenced. The group had grew to a respectful 5 strong, including 2 Serbo-Croats and a non coalition force member.
The first bar that we went to had 2 for 1 specials, so the Scottish part of me naturally took over and insisted on the purchasing of tequilla at discount prices, they came to $5NZ for 2 shots, that's approximatly US$583.82. I purchased 8, I then gave 4 away to DIESEL as he looked thirsty after hooking up with some random girl. While we civilised Westerners were discussing the US Foreign policy and Ahkmed was playing with the candle and what appeared to be his shoe laces we happened to glance upon some talent in a very nice pleated mini skirt, the challenge was set, her number was for the getting. The group consensus was that nobody could get her number. 5minutes later I was talking to her and her best friend who we will call 'less attractive than the forementioned', two roofies later and I had both numbers. We all left that bar in high spirits, except for Ahkmed who was arrested after we noticed a ticking coming from his shoe.
Float was the next destination, it's a bar that we hardly ever go to. We met Amy at the entrance, Amy is one of my friends girlfriend, she is quite possibly the crudest chick i have ever met, she has an affixiation with coat hangers and we are arch enemies.
DIESEL: To continue our traditional club entrance ritual Falco and myself proceeded to grab copious handfuls of ass to assess the firmness, consistency and texture of all the remotely hot bitches available at our discretion. With only one objection, coming from a rather large samoan woman (I swear I did not touch her ass) groaning with an eerie somewhat male essence "datz disrespectful nigga".
We purchased some jagermeister and stole a few shot glasses before heading off to the dance floor. Now because we are rebel terrorists harbouring a possible Al Queda militant shoe wielding Ahkbar,we had to make our presence felt.. no.. enforced. So we proceeded to strip down to our chest hair and boxer shorts and dance in stripper cages for a while.
Now in Russia this kind of hostile behaviour is punishable by castration. In accordance we allowed our only Russian group member to pursue a kinky bitch in leather who we were almost certain was carrying luggage in places no woman has any business carrying. Ivanoslav proceeded to get freaky with said hoe while Falco and myself went to get more pissed.
After much to be having more alcohol we macked many bitches many times before heading off to find our Serbo-Croat with that incessantly annoying bitch Amy. Falco proceeded to engage in a deep and meaningful conversation with a friend of Amy's. After motioning for anal sex Falco was sure he had tickets for a trip to the Hershey highway. Unfortunately we noticed she was growing a moustache resembling our ex icon Chuck Norris and therefore despite her round voluptuous breasts and firmness scale 8 ass she had to be dismissed.
The rest of what happened at this club despite combined efforts on both myself and Falco's part to remember came back as blanks. My hazy guess/ memory indicates we were slipped roofies by some strippers and forced to commit indecent acts of anal violation and extremely kinky Russian penetration on the extremely hot Slav strippers.
So when were sobered up a little we walked toward out mate Jakubski's apartment. We caught the little polish bastard on his way out, tied him up and announced it was $5 a pop for anal sex. We made enough money to grab some food at Burger King and took Jakubski along because he earned himself some fries.
As Jakubski ate burger king, Falco spent the time scouting for possible chicks that wouldn't cause one to administer the dingo if you woke up with them.
A young hottie came into BK, and Falco proceded to talk to her, the conversation went as followed:
Falco: "hey, you are sexy'
Titsandass: "OMG ROFL LIKE ARE YOU SERIOUS"
Falco: 'yes, yes I am"
Titsandass: "hey im Sarah nice to meet you"
Falco: "Hi, im hot"
Titsandass: "Haha yeah I know you are, but whats your name"
Falco: "James, what are you upto tonight"
---SKIPS FORMALITIES
Falco: "You should come clubbing with us, ill ride you home"
Titsandass: "really, I want to stay out as im so not tired"
Falco: "Sweet, come with us"
Titsandass: "I'll just tell my brother that I wont need a ride home"
Falco: "ok"
Titsandass: "My brother is like all fired up and wants me to come home with him"
Falco: "So be it wench"
Titsandass: "heres my number we can go out sometime"
Falco: "nigger please"
Now despite the length of this story already there is much more to be told. However, I will stop here.. but rest assured much more anal play took place and many more hot European strippers were violated in the duration of the night.
That is all for now..
User Reviews
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2004-08-31 05:08:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This post made me angry.
Now why would you want to do that? TELL ME!!!
Submitted by skinoversteel (user info) at 2004-08-30 06:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
schnaffenhousen
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-30 01:00:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish, then i'd have the $40 i spent on drinks.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-08-30 00:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And then you woke up.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:07:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Vas Vladimir!
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2004-08-29 22:47:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-29 22:06:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best post ever
Submitted by jag hoe at 2004-08-29 15:59:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for jagermeister
Submitted by Val (user info) at 2004-08-29 15:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sigh
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-08-29 11:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-08-29 11:37:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bastards. She wanted to do her brother.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-29 11:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Falco Gave Up: lol
Falco Gave Up: are you reading
Falco Gave Up: ?
holly: yes.......
holly: HAHAHA AHAHAHA AHAHA
holly: That's hilarious. You're nuts.
holly: AND.......you are sooooo not moving in with me.
Submitted by skinoversteel (user info) at 2004-08-29 11:18:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shfifteen and one heif jews ran inside this house, they grabbed 5 bottles of vodka and then proceeded to anally violate the village chicken.
the moral of the story is american foreign policy is awesome
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-29 10:29:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wifenharber: "Woolfengang Keine nicht diese Bohrung!"
Mein: "May you be are having the silents of zwanzig jews!"
Wifenharber: "Du hast mein batty?"
Mein: "Silents!"
Wifenharber: "Meine Esel!"
translation
Wife: Wolfgang, no not that hole
Me: May you be as silent as 20 jews
Wife: you hate my ass?
me: silence!
wife: my ass!
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-29 08:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
falco and krautski
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-29 08:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Falco, how many user IDs do you have, for the love of God? You're worse than me
Submitted by Krautski (user info) at 2004-08-29 07:59:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Falco: For some people an 8 mile walk home in the rain would put a damper on their weekend.
Those people are societies weak and needy, they have inferior sixpacks like Toxicnarcotic.
this are the best ever to be talking, that toxic boy has 6 pack like a snake with renal failur
Submitted by Krautski (user info) at 2004-08-29 07:57:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HEIL!
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-08-29 07:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hear, Hear!
What?
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-29 07:51:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Falco says:
Just use butter, after awhile it starts to smell like butter popcorn!
Diddle says:
lol
If i go its the internet il be back on k? says:
BUTTER!@!!!!!!!!!1 wtf
Look at her butt, it's so big... says:
wtf, butter is violating
kris_b says:
/me has never needed to use lube....he gets his women well moist before the action starts
Falco says:
Violating? Are you implying the chick is alive at the time?
Submitted by Charlene <chucklovesyou.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-08-29 07:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good job boys
ps pictures needed
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-29 07:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BEST POST EVER