Second Chances (709 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.5 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by j <gingerjumper.at.btinternet.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-29 14:55:26 EDT
Dear world,
It is somewhat ironic that the first post I write about on this new venture on the world wide web is about having another chance to do things right. For you see this is not the first time I have tried to understand the feelings of others and myself by sharing them with potentially billions of pairs of eyes. Many times I have thought seriously about what I am saying before writing about various personal subjects on blogs and home made sites. However I consider this to be the most important piece I've written online for reasons that will become apperent. Most of all though I am writing about second chances because all I wish in life is to have one from someone very special.
On the 1st of July 2004, I met someone beautiful inside and out. We spoke for 5 and half hours that night in the rain on the beach. Mutual appreciation of each others company was expressed before we met the next night for a drink down the pub. Another great night followed and then another and another. Over weeks we got closer together to form a relationship so easy with plenty of the key ingreidents like love, repect, trust, communication, attraction, fun, happyness, education and relaxation. No pressure was felt on either side, our joy seemed to grow daily. So many good feelings were produced in both of us and we walked on sunshine.
Alas then some issues flared. Even though we were equally asking each other to spend time together, we had become too insular. Pressures from work started to show, lack of sleep due to many late nights talking and enjoying affection took their toll. I could have never predicted the after effects and now we are going through a time of mutual space. The past 3 days or so have been the most soul searching I have ever had and on reflection I wish to now make my thoughts available to her without infringing her space. The person I met is an uber member and I don't think she will have any issues with what is about to be written. For the record I totally respect all rights of those involved so if asked, this post will be removed. Also please bear in mind the only reason I am doing this is so that my thoughts are known, I expect nothing as a result of this writing. Are we sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin.
During this time I have learnt many important things. Most vital of all, I have realised that you couldn't talk to me for various reasons. You worried about how I would react to something you told me. I know now that I went into too much detail about the past which led to you thinking you had to watch what you say. Our relationship is formed on the basis we could tell each other anything, that we are best friends above all else. Communication is something we have always done very well on the whole. It's a pleasure to be one of your best friends but we don't have to be our only friends. It's important to me that you can tell me anything if you want to but equally to know I will not be upset if you tell someone else whats upsetting you rather than talk to me. Now I have learnt this lesson, I promise you can count on me for support that will help and not hinder you. Look at last Thursday if you wish to see that I mean what I say, it can be done and for us it will be :)
I have also become aware that you thought you had to watch how you acted around me. I want to show you that you are able to be you and don't need to worry about anything you say or do upsetting me. You told me that you worried about how you acted around me for fear of causing me to experience problems from my past. You have done nothing in the time we have been together that has upset me but I know you worry about it because I talked about things from before - a concern that is no longer there. Being with you means that nothing prior to us matters since you are not anyone else bar you and so there is no reason for me to think that things that have happened before will happen again. Our relationship is so different and you give so much that I no reason to worry. Those insecurities you feared would rear again have gone, as such they have no need to be talked or worried about. Being together means that nothing from my past matters. Of course I am still happy to help work through anything that you are worried about, I know you have fears and given time they will go just like mine have. The time apart has shown me that I am thankful to you for showing me how relationships should be and now that I am part of one so good, I want to make it work by not letting old ghosts haunt new love. The skeletons that rattled my closest and no doubt drove the things that were taken as emotional black mail have been purged!
Now more than ever I also see the value in personal space. I now understand that our relationship meant we didn't enjoy any time for ourselves or see our individual friends. We got caught up in the new relationship thing and so lost touch with the things that helped make us individuals. I know you worried about asking me about having space and I didn't realise the effect my reaction had. Now I do and I have pondered over it, I see I was silly. I am in love with the person you are, for you to not enjoy the things that make you who you are means essentially I would be denying you the chance to be the person I adore, something I would never want. I've said before and will say it again, I am with you because of the way you are, no part of you needs to change, that includes you being able to enjoy the things you like to do. The things in your life that are important to you are important to me but in a different way. The importance for me is that you can enjoy them as an individual in the same way I can enjoy the things I want to do before we share the experiences with each other over a chat. I now see that time apart is a good thing, that it doesn't reflect upon our relationship and that it will help us achieve what we both want, eg. to be happy.
I also want to tell you that all the things we spoke about for the future can stay in the future. We said from the word go we would take things slow and somewhere along the way the speed at which our relationship is going increased through one way or another. Now that we are at an metophorical emotional emergency stop, we can take things slow again and build up to the future we want to make for ourselves. No more talk of far way things until we really want them. I didn't realise until you told me just how much pressure you felt, pressure that doesn't need to be there because we can enjoy living the moment. Why rush and start talking about things so far ahead when we have so much to enjoy now :).
Lastly the thing I have taken from all these thoughts is that for you I will to hell and back. Very soon your career future will be discussed as opportunities to chase your dreams arise. If you are willing for me to accompany you on the path to enjoy those dreams I will come with you. This time has made me realise that together is nothing we cannot do, a very empowering, proud feeling. Nothing scares me anymore because I feel strong about us, you and myself. The thought of walking away has crossed my mind but I choose not to. You may wonder why, after all you do tell me that I can find someone better. In reply to that I say that allow me to please make my own mind up :) I happen to think I am with the most perfect person I can be with. When we got together we both had other options. Yet we chose each other, got together and formed something amazing. Never have I doubted my decision. There is no harm in reviewing our relationship like we are now and I hope you see a similiar vision to me. Eg. we have a great relationship that doesn't just grow on trees and I would rather we try and work things out with time, love and patience than toss it to the wind. Please appreciate that I am with you and that means I want to be with you and no one else, that if I wanted to be elsewhere I would be yet I choose to be with you because I love you. Likewise I will do the same for you. In the past I have doubted the intentions of others around you and lost sight of the fact that you are with me. You give me all I need and that I feel your love for me everyday in my heart. Never again will your feelings be doubted, under any circumstances. Nothing you do or say until you tell me otherwise will make me wonder how you feel about us. My heart knows the only way I can show you that I choose to be with you and that I will never doubt you is spend time together and apart, all I wish is for the chance to be given that time.
In conclusion, I know you need less pressure. I want to help reduce your pressure by giving you a strong, impartial, sympathetic shoulder to cry on if you ever need it and by allowing you time to be yourself on your own and with others. Likewise I will spread the pressure I feel whilst spending time with my friends and family so that you do not feel like you are on a pedal stool where everything depends on you. In addition you can enjoy the freedom to be who you want to be and know that whomever you choose to be, my feelings for you will not change because I accept you for who you are. Add some time to the space mentionned above and I don't see any reason why we cannot enjoy many happy times as well as work through any equally difficult periods.
Above all else, I love you and I really want to work things out. They say if you love something set it free and if it comes back it's yours forever. At the moment I am giving you all the space you want (hence why I am not emailing to this you) because I know you need it. Please don't think that I am not wanting to talk to you though or that I am ignoring you. I do miss you and want to talk but know this is not the right time to do so, thus I give you space. You thanked me once for giving you time to know that what we had felt right. I still want you to feel that way. You can have whatever you want, you can do whatever you want, without condition. My feelings for you are are unconditional. Likewise what I am saying here is only my feelings because I feel you should know. You don't have to do anything after reading this. Ultimately we are both having time to weigh up if we want to be together and find ourselves again. I have weighed up what we have and found it to be trully priceless in my eyes. I've found myself as well, both good things and bad things. You have always taken me for who I am and hope that continues, just know that for us both the bad things have been beaten and that given a second chance I know we can work through this.
Thanks for reading, it feels so much better for writing it down since I know it will come out better this way than talking about it as this way I can say exactly what I mean :)
Love, happyness and understanding,
Kingjc
User Reviews
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-08-30 04:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thankyou James. I can't say it enough.
I'm sorry that I still can't give you the answers you want, and need.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-29 17:59:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't quite finish it but congrats on finding someone.
Submitted by kingjc (user info) at 2004-08-29 17:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kai, I have met enough women to know what I want thanks very much. if I need some advice I will be sure to not ask you! ;-)
Apologies it's a long post, had to get everything off my chest!
Submitted by Sofa_Ace (user info) at 2004-08-29 15:40:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy dickloaf that's a long ass post. I didn't read it, but I'll give you a +2 anyway, that way people will think it's good and read it.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-08-29 15:40:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Buddy, you need to get out and meet more women.