More Anti-Bush Sarcasm from Michael Moore... (887 hits)
Category: Politics -> DemocratsRating: 0.2 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Andrew Montanaro <beefstick86.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-29 21:01:29 EDT
Another piece I got in the email from my wonderful Aunt Sharon:
August 26, 2004
It Takes Real Courage to Desert Your Post and Then Attack a Wounded Vet
Dear Mr. Bush,
I know you and I have had our differences in the past, and I realize I am the one who started this whole mess about "who did what" during Vietnam when I brought up that "deserter" nonsense back in January. But I have to hand it to you on what you have uncovered about John Kerry and his record in Vietnam. Kerry has tried to pass himself off as a war hero, but thanks to you and your friends, we now know the truth.
First of all, thank you for pointing out to all of us that Mr. Kerry was never struck by a BULLET. It was only SHRAPNEL that entered his body! I did not know that! Hell, what's the big deal about a bunch of large, sharp, metal shards ripping open your flesh? That happens to all of us! In my opinion, if you want a purple heart, you'd better be hit by a bullet -- with your name on it!
Secondly, thank you for sending Bob Dole out there and letting us know that Mr. Kerry, though wounded three times, actually "never spilled blood." When you are in the debates with Kerry, turn to him and say, "Dammit, Mr. Kerry, next time you want a purple heart, you better spill some American red blood! And I don't mean a few specks like those on O.J.'s socks -- we want to see a good pint or two of blood for each medal. In fact, I would have preferred that you had bled profusely, a big geyser of blood spewing out of your neck or something!" Then throw this one at him: "Senator Kerry, over 58,000 brave Americans gave their lives in Vietnam -- but YOU didn't. You only got WOUNDED! What do you have to say for yourself???" Lay that one on him and he won't know what to do.
And thanks, also, Mr. Bush, for exposing the fact that Mr. Kerry might have actually WOUNDED HIMSELF in order to get those shiny medals. Of course he did! How could the Viet Cong have hit him -- he was on a SWIFT boat! He was going too fast to be hit by enemy fire. He tried to blow himself up three different times just so he could go home and run for president someday. It's all so easy to see, now, what he was up to.
What would we do without you, Mr. Bush? Criticize you as we might, when it comes to pointing out other men's military records, there is no one who can touch your prowess. In 2000, you let out the rumor that your opponent John McCain might be "nuts" from the 5 years he spent in a POW camp. Then, in the 2002 elections, your team compared triple-amputee Sen. Max Cleland to Osama bin Laden, and that cost him the election. And now you are having the same impact on war hero John Kerry. Since you (oops, I mean "The Swift Boat Veterans for Truth!") started running those ads, Kerry's poll numbers have dropped (with veterans, he has lost 18 points in the last few weeks).
Some people have said "Who are you, Mr. Bush, to attack these brave men considering you yourself have never seen combat -- in fact, you actively sought to avoid it." What your critics fail to understand is that even though your dad got you into a unit that would never be sent to Vietnam -- and even though you didn't show up for Guard duty for at least a year -- at least you were still IN FAVOR of the Vietnam War! Cowards like Clinton felt it was more important to be consistent (he opposed the war, thus he refused to go) than to be patriotic and two-faced.
The reason that I think you know so much about other men's war wounds is because, during your time in the Texas Air National Guard, you suffered so many of them yourself. Consider the paper cut you received on September 22, 1972, while stationed in Alabama, working on a Senate campaign for your dad's friend (when you were supposed to be on the Guard base). A campaign brochure appeared from nowhere, ambushing your right index finger, and blood trickled out onto your brand new argyle sweater.
Then there was the incident with the Crazy Glue when your fraternity brothers visited you one weekend at the base and glued your lips together while you were "passed out." Though initially considered "friendly fire," it was later ruled that you suffered severe post traumatic stress disorder from the assault and required certain medicinal attention -- which, it seems, was provided by those same fraternity brethren.
But nothing matched your heroism when, on July 2, 1969, you sustained a massive head injury when enemy combatants from another Guard unit dropped a keg of Coors on your head during a reconnaissance mission at a nearby all-girls college. Fortunately, the cool, smooth fluids that poured out of the keg were exactly what was needed to revive you.
That you never got a purple heart for any of these incidents is a shame. I can fully appreciate your anger at Senator Kerry for the three he received. I mean, Kerry was a man of privilege, he could have gotten out just like you. Instead, he thinks he's going to gain points with the American people bragging about how he was getting shot at every day in the Mekong Delta. Ha! Is that the best he can do? Hell, I hear gunfire every night outside my apartment window! If he thinks he is going to impress anyone with the fact that he volunteered to go when he could have spent the Vietnam years on the family yacht, he should think again. That only shows how stupid he was! True-blue Americans want a president who knows how to pull strings and work the system and get away with doing as little work as possible!
So, to make it up to you, I have written some new ads you can use on TV. People will soon tire of the swift boat veterans and you are going to need some fresh, punchier material. Feel free to use any of these:
ANNOUNCER: "When the bullets were flying all around him in Vietnam, what did John Kerry do? He said he leaned over the boat and 'pulled a man out of the river.' But, as we all know, men don't live in the river -- fish do. John Kerry knows how to tell a big fish tale. What he won't tell you is that when the enemy was shooting at him, he ducked. Do you want a president who will duck? Vote Bush."
ANNOUNCER: "Mr. Kerry's biggest supporter, Sen. Max Cleland, claims to have lost two legs and an arm in Vietnam. But he still has one arm! How did that happen? One word: Cowardice. When duty called, he was unwilling to give his last limb. Is that the type of selfishness you want hanging out in the White House? We think not. Vote for the man who would be willing to give America his right frontal lobe. Vote Bush."
Hope these help, Mr. Bush. And remember, when the American death toll in Iraq hits 1,000 during the Republican convention, be sure to question whether those who died really did indeed "die" -- or were they just trying to get their faces on CNN's nightly tribute to fallen heroes? The sixteen who've died so far this week were probably working hand in hand with the Kerry campaign to ruin your good time in New York. Stay consistent, sir, and always, ALWAYS question the veracity of anyone who risks their life for this country. It's the least they deserve.
Yours,
Michael Moore
mmflint.at.aol.com
www.michaelmoore.com
P.S. George, I know you said you don't read the newspaper, but USA Today has given me credentials to the Republican convention to write a guest column each day next week (Tues.-Fri.). If you don't want to read it, you and I will be in the same building so maybe I could come by and read it to you? Lemme know...
User Reviews
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-11-06 02:52:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
there are things going on in this world that the majority of people couldn't POSSIBLY comprehend. it would be IMPOSSIBLE to make the blind see. that is why i will never say another word about politics to anyone for the rest of my life. even the ones who write the code do not understand what they are writing.
Submitted by lazernuts (user info) at 2004-11-06 02:21:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Michael Moore is only trying to guide you stupid fools! The only sense i've heard coming from any American in years.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting how posts are rated more on politics than its actual content or logic. Michael Moore criticizes Bush on the grounds that he has no military record to speak of, and he's called "the biggest idiot alive." Bill O'Reilly, on the other hand, plays some pathetic martyr game, insisting that Moore must "want him to die", and the dumb bastard is applauded as a hero. Why? It's too easy to assume that Bush is a moron. Hell, he can't speak, he barely even tries to cover up his constant string of bad judgment and idiotic mistakes, a twelve year old could find the logical flaws in his pathetic excuses for excuses, and just LOOK at him; do you see any glimmer of intelligence in that shaven ape's eyes? It requires much more imagination to dream up reasons that Bush must be right; that he must be a competent leader; that he might possibly (speculatively) not be the worst human being to inhabit the White House. Going against the flow of logic, reason, and sound judgment, conservatives seem much more beatnik and intellectual. Sorry folks, in this case the emperor has no clothes.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:29:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:08:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and cause it isnt your work...
and i meant dislike...
i typed that last one really bad.
But youre still an idiot.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:07:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
+1 cause its kind of entertaining and a little funny
-1 cause im conservative
-Infinity beacause michale moore is the dumbest human to ever exsist, and even John Kerry likes him.
+Infinity-2 beacause of uber's rating restrictions
Submitted by PersonMan (user info) at 2004-08-29 22:28:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, shit, I thought we were posting long articles we found on the internet. My bad.
-2
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Submitted by PersonMan (user info) at 2004-08-29 22:27:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
There are several methods of evaluating
HAHAHHAHAHA
Submitted by Vampiric Aura <Vampirism.at.gmail.com> at 2004-08-29 23:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckk off cigar, attack the argument not the arguer, you slimy piece of ignorant shit
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-08-29 22:56:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK OFF YOU GODDAMN IDIOT. You don't deserve to breathe my fucking air, if your retarded enough to think micheal moore is anything but a bit fucking pile of shit.
Submitted by Vampiric Aura <Vampirism.at.gmail.com> at 2004-08-29 22:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you asshat, the real difference is that there are multiple reports that Kerry recieved the wounds from the enemy. Bush's papercut was an accident and it's severity was from his being a stupid crackhead alcoholic.
Submitted by PersonMan (user info) at 2004-08-29 22:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh, shit, I thought we were posting long articles we found on the internet. My bad.
-2
Submitted by PersonMan (user info) at 2004-08-29 22:27:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There are several methods of evaluating the claims of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, 254 of whom have signed a letter saying John Kerry is not fit to be commander in chief.
There is the Bill O'Reilly method, which is to abandon independent thinking and simply come out in the middle, irrespective of where the two sides are. In response to Newt Gingrich's remark that the Swift Boat Veterans' independent ads were "the conservative movement's answer to Michael Moore," O'Reilly said, "I don't want either of them."
In Nazi Germany, O'Reilly would have condemned both Hitler's death camps and the Warsaw ghetto uprising. In Bill O'Reilly's world, King Solomon would have actually cut the disputed baby in half.
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The O'Reilly method of analysis works well about once a century. The last time was when Hitler invaded Russia in 1941.
Then there is the Chris Matthews method, which is to decide in advance that the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth are the lowest form of human life imaginable and then publicly excoriate them for consuming oxygen.
Matthews employs a logical calculus known as "begging the question," which goes something like this:
1. John Kerry claims to be a great war hero.
2. Maybe so, but legitimate questions have been raised about his combat record.
3. How can you say that about a great war hero like John Kerry?
When John O'Neill, author of "Unfit for Command," went on "Hardball," Matthews accused O'Neill of being a Republican operative and demanded that O'Neill detail for "Hardball's" six remaining viewers his voting history for the past 20 years in mind-numbing detail. (Completely destroying his case against Kerry, in 1988, O'Neill voted for George Herbert Walker Bush!) Apparently voting for a Republican presidential candidate 15 years ago is a credibility-destroyer, whereas being a former member of the White House staff under Jimmy Carter, as Chris Matthews is, enhances one's credibility.
Normally an interview on a newly released book consists of the author being asked questions about his book and the author answering the questions. With O'Neill, Matthews interviewed himself.
Also, erstwhile war protester John Hurley was interviewed along with O'Neill about "Unfit for Command." The fact that Hurley (1) didn't write the book, and (2) is a paid Kerry campaign worker raises no credibility issues. A colleague of Kerry's in Vietnam Veterans Against the War, Hurley's contribution to the interview about a book he didn't write consisted of his piping in periodically with insightful comments about O'Neill, such as "his book and his organization is built on lies and distortions."
O'Neill's contribution to a discussion about his own book consisted mostly of meaningless sentence fragments:
O'Neill: I don't believe that ... (MATTHEWS INTERRUPTION)
O'Neill: Well, I'm not here to ... (MATTHEWS INTERRUPTION)
O'Neill: I think he is millions of steps behind, because he went over ... (MATTHEWS INTERRUPTION)
O'Neill: His first Purple ... (MATTHEWS INTERRUPTION)
O'Neill: Well, the first ... (MATTHEWS INTERRUPTION)
O'Neill: You're right. I'm saying ... (MATTHEWS INTERRUPTION)
O'Neill: Well, wait just a second. What you've done is ... (MATTHEWS INTERRUPTION)
O'Neill: First of all ... (MATTHEWS INTERRUPTION)
Finally, O'Neill proposed that he be allowed to answer questions and Matthews erupted with an indignant speech notable mostly for being slightly longer than anything O'Neill ever got to say:
Matthews: "One of the oldest tricks on this show is for somebody to come on the show after talking for 20 minutes and say they haven't had the chance to talk. I'll be glad to clock you, John, on how many minutes you spoke on the show. So don't try that old trick. It is a particularly conservative trick, OK? So let's move on here."
Let's review the transcript!
Total words by book author John O'Neill: approximately 1,150. (Complete sentences devoid of Matthews interruptions: about 2.)
Total words by paid Kerry flack Hurley: approximately 950.
Total words by Matthews, excluding host prattle ("Welcome back to 'Hardball'!"): approximately 2,290.
At least Matthews didn't physically throw O'Neill off his set as he did Michelle Malkin a few nights later while she tried in vain to discuss her new book. The lion-hearted Matthews reserves that level of rudeness only for girls. (Now that I think about it, compared to the average Democrat male, maybe John Kerry is manly.)
In lieu of the O'Reilly method (randomly coming out in "the middle" of every issue) or the Matthews method (deciding, ab initio, that any criticism of Kerry could come only from bottom-feeding, politically motivated whores), there is still another method of evaluating the evidence, which is to evaluate the evidence.
For starters, 254 swiftboat veterans say Kerry is a fraud; 14 say he's a hero. Partisan considerations aside, which would be more difficult to do: Get 14 liars to keep a secret, or get 254 liars to do so? As a student of recent history, I defer to any registered Democrat on this question.
Of course, the 14 in Kerry's camp are not necessarily lying, being bribed, or hoping for a position in the Kerry administration - possibilities the media will never raise, I note. But we're talking about 35-year-old memories here; 254 memories to 14 memories is what we used to call "evidence."
Why don't we just give both sides some swiftboats, a few machine guns and lots of ammo, put them on a river somewhere, and let them settle this whole thing like gentlemen once and for all?
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-08-29 21:55:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
By the way, it's equally valid to give Bush a purple heart for a paper cut as it was to give Kerry his first purple heart, since both would be self-inflicted (albeit unintentionally).
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-08-29 21:46:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Why of course I disapprove. I'd disapprove if someone posted an article from a newspaper about how fantastic Bush is. This website is meant to showcase original writing. It's not a bulletin board. Andrew, your last post was relatively good and your own work. Why would you bother reposting someone else's work?
Submitted by Yenegi at 2004-08-29 21:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Michael Moore rules.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-08-29 21:27:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Over/under on when domenad shows up to disapprove: 12 minutes
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-29 21:23:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
man, that's hardcore.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-08-29 21:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"When the bullets were flying all around him in Vietnam, what did John Kerry do? He said he leaned over the boat and 'pulled a man out of the river.' But, as we all know, men don't live in the river -- fish do"
-too funny
Submitted by Kellio (user info) at 2004-08-29 21:09:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Marvellous! I'm glad he can see the hypocrisy in criticising Kerry's war record when compared to Bush's.