Nancy vs. SullyThePirate (uber contest 2) (2321 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.09 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by harmlessness (View user info) at 2004-08-29 23:48:36 EDT
*Note: I did not edit or doctor these submissions in any way. I have screenshots to prove it.
Today's authors are: Nancy and SullyThePirate.
Rules are:
Same as UberMadness, except the loser relinquishes their password to the winner.
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SUBMISSION 1
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It was midnight. Crickets chirped quietly. The wind swayed the
branches so delicately that it was barely audible. Manomet Ave. was
fast asleep and the full moon became a nightlight for the lonely
upper-middle class neighborhood. The air was crisp and refreshing and
all was quiet and calm. On a beautiful night like this, one could
almost just gaze into the stars and dream without even having to go to
sleep.
Such a scene can never be so perfect.
Six Gunshots split the air. Dogs started barking loudly, as if having
a conversation with each other. Porch lights one by one started to
flicker on as Edward Sturgis bolted into the woods. He held in his
hands a P226 semi-automatic 9mm.
"Shit, shit, shit," he said under his breath as each footstep made a
racket crunching the autumn leaves. There was no destination for this
man, just like there never is for an alcoholic with no plan whatsoever
except to end the life of someone.
It was pitch black in the dense forest except for the moonlight
seeping through the haunting branches. Edward slowed after running
for about five minutes. In his drunken stupor he had lost track of
which direction he was going and had no idea which way to run now.
He turned around in every direction, only to see dark foliage in each
position he looked. Edward had a smile on his face and he didn't know
why. Terrible visions started to enter his mind.
His wife was in bed with what looked like his co-worker, John. What?
He saw his own hand reach out in front of his eyes holding the pistol
and firing. Why am I seeing this, he thought. Blood oozed out of the
holes in the blankets and he then saw himself opening the screen door
and running into the backyard.
Edward kneeled in the fallen leaves with his hands cupping the sides
of his head. The gun dropped next to him.
"What have I done..." he started to cry. His weeping was the only
noise that could be heard in the woods other than the branches quietly
swaying. He punched the ground twice as he cursed at his own
transgressions.
A voice in his mind told him, "Don't worry, Ed. It's not your fault.
It was the alcohol. You didn't do a thing wrong, just walk it off and
everything will be okay."
Edward rose to his feet and wiped his tears. "Yeah," he said, "I
didn't do anything wrong. The beer did it to me."
He picked up his gun and walked off into the night with the evil smile
he had been wearing before. Police sirens rang in the distance. "I'll
just walk it off," he said in an almost sober tone, "everything will
be alright in the morning."
Ten minutes later, Edward escaped the seemingly endless expanse of
forest. He made it out into the road and stood still. He looked to his
left to see red and blue blinking lights coming at him.
"That's right, all better in the morning..." said Edward as he held
his weapon to his head and squeezed the trigger.
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SUBMISSION 2
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Its as true for physical discomfort as it is for mental. Think about it....from gym class to a fight, if school has taught us anything its to simply walk it off.
Take little jimmy who is in school. One day in gym he hits his head on the bench and is very disoriented, yet the coach gives him the best medicine known to kids in school--a small walk--Just walk it off.....
Or how can we ever forget the good old saying to walk away when we are about to be put in a bad situation...Just walk it off.....
As much as it is true with situations and physical pain, so is it true for the mental side of things. Wheather its getting into a fight with a friend, or feeling bad about something in particular, its best to 'simply walk away from it'. All be it it may not be phsyical, a good 'mental walk' is often what is needed. Keeping the mind from bogging down is super-importnat.
Of course at time, walking it ooff isn't a good thing. We can't expect a soldier to 'Walk it off' if her gets a brain boggle!
So short and sweet makes it clear....Waking it off is a fact of life....and we all know it!
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There it is, folks.
If you like SUBMISSION 1 best, review with "SUBMISSION 1."
If you like SUBMISSION 2 best, review with "SUBMISSION 2."
User Reviews
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-06 19:45:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40455 - Lindsay Lohan completely fucking naked!
Submitted by PizzaEagle (user info) at 2004-09-02 21:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
submission 2 sounds like an essay i wrote for english class... two minutes before handing it in... in second grade.
Submitted by i_love_panubans (user info) at 2004-09-02 21:54:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:56:55 (#)
Ranking: 0
Take little jimmy who is in school. One day in gym he hits his head on the bench and is very disoriented, yet he still decides to compete on Ubersite with his account as the price to pay
bravo net prophet, bravo. i wish i had thought to write that.
Submitted by i_love_panubans (user info) at 2004-09-02 21:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my 4 and 3 month old niece could have vomited something that sounded and looked better than submission two. i think who ever wrote number two should be casterated imediately, for not to spread his/her "talent" any further. Submission one gets my vote. Sully did a great job,( he probly wrote the first one ).
PS. weapons of mass turbation was exquisite, this man deserves a nobel prize.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-02 21:48:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
While number ONE won't need to be dusting off the end table to make room for a Pulitzer, number TWO is some of the worst, randomly worded horseshit to ever hit the internet.
And that's saying something.
Submitted by NoahsArk (user info) at 2004-09-02 21:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These make me smile
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-09-02 00:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't particularly like any of the submissions, really, but I'd have to go with #1.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-08-31 19:28:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sub 1 wins it. End this horseshit already. By the end of the week she'll get tired of being berrated by every user with half a brain and she'll go back to AOL chat rooms.
Submitted by Lechuga (user info) at 2004-08-31 19:02:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Unless you're blind or retarded, you can clearly see submission 1 is better. Have fun with your new account sully!
Submitted by StabkiIl (user info) at 2004-08-31 18:49:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-08-31 16:15:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:54:08 (#)
Ranking: -1
Submission 2 looks like what you would get if you had one hundred monkeys typing continuously for about 10 seconds.
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"It was the best of times, it was THE BLURST OF TIMES? YOU STUPID MONKIES!" ~Mr. Burns
Yeah, and submission 1.
Sub 2 gave me gas.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-08-31 11:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ummm.... submission 1
Submitted by Shank (user info) at 2004-08-31 05:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
They are both very different formats, I think you should have specified more to the contestants what was expected.
Sub. 2
Literature in account Sub. 1 is better written and is fictitious. Sub. 2 focuses on having a purpose and was written with minor difficulty.
Reasons over power presentation But very nicely done both. Like this vote makes much of a difference anyways, maybe the pirate with be kind enough to "let the wench keep her booty, ARG!"
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-08-31 05:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They were both shit.
Sub - 2. Easier to read. Sort of.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-08-31 05:17:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
both of these were fucking horrendous.
Submitted by G_Nonny (user info) at 2004-08-31 02:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submission 1 of course.
Submitted by butterball (user info) at 2004-08-31 01:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
submission 2
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:43:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Nancy (user info) at 2004-08-30 20:21:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey thats not fair, I had no idea that my submission went up.......
And I have a new person to go against me.....Holly
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Your a funny little moron. Your getting your ass kicked, like patton for a dance I do say, and you want a different opponent. WTF?
I suggest you just give him your password now, and BITCH BE GONE. :)
Submitted by poster1980 (user info) at 2004-08-30 21:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Looks like i will make a new tribute page for Pirate!! What should I include?? Need some isults for this chick who is about to lose!!
Submitted by Nancy (user info) at 2004-08-30 21:02:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Whatever....
Besides pirate isn't even here.....
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-08-30 20:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How is it unfair that you didn't know this went up? You sent in your submission signifying that you were ready.
Submitted by Nancy (user info) at 2004-08-30 20:21:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey thats not fair, I had no idea that my submission went up.......
And I have a new person to go against me.....Holly
Submitted by Commie_bastard (user info) at 2004-08-30 18:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How about, the pie shall be cut in half, and each man shall recieve.... death.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-08-30 18:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submission 1. The second one blew.
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-08-30 18:42:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
submission 1.
2 is just fucking horseshit.
Submitted by NETHOS (user info) at 2004-08-30 10:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU'RE SHIT AND NOBODY LOVES YOU!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-08-30 07:34:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submission 1, and please don't do this again. At least not with that fluffer.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-30 07:06:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 again.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-30 00:47:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My vote goes to Submission 1.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-08-30 00:36:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am guessing that there are a few people that are dying for Ubermadness II to start.
I don't even need to vote on the story, as it's obvious.
We may have found our ubersite version of William Hung.
Too bad we can't have a writing contest and judge it like that show "American Idol". Kristen would be Paula (the always "nice" girl), Randy would probably be Method. As for the Simon personality... How many people would fight to be that one on here? Jesus christ...
(Oh yeah, I don't want to hear any bashing about that show wasn't original because it was done in the UK first or something...I already know this. And I hate the show, myself so that wouldn't be a good thing to brag about. Pop garbage that comes from that show is trash the corporate music giants force feed the public.)
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-08-30 00:20:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-30 00:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's like battle of the retards.
Honestly though, if you think this is SO important that you have two post twice in a row, just capitalize it all.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-08-30 00:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nancy says she's going to college. A community college I'm sure.
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-08-30 00:01:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1, obviously, nancy is probably the same person as the last one.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:58:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submission 1. Seriously, how these people expect to win is beyond me.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Take little jimmy who is in school. One day in gym he hits his head on the bench and is very disoriented, yet he still decides to compete on Ubersite with his account as the price to pay.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:55:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm calling this upfront- this is going to be as much of a slaughter as StonedSilly against that last clown.
Submission one, taking 95% or more of the total votes.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submission 2 looks like what you would get if you had one hundred monkeys typing continuously for about 10 seconds.
It is pretty bad. On purpose too, I would assume.
Submission one is better, although it probably could have been better than it was.
Submission one gets my vote.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submission 1
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NOTE: Sully was very drunk when he wrote this.
Submitted by EvrenWasHere (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SUBMISSION 3
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-08-29 23:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submission 1.
I think I can guess who wrote what.