Homogenized White Boy Syndrome (696 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.1 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Cymak (View user info) at 2004-08-30 02:20:30 EDT
Poor, poor Erik. Although something of a friend of mine, he suffers from irreversible Homogenized White Boy Syndrome.
We've all had to deal with one. A white intellectual humbled by the extreme uncoolness of being white. Symptoms of Homogenized White Boy Syndrome include:
• Your white friend buttons the top button of his shirt, so he can "get his gats out easier." Yet, if pressed, could not identify what exactly a "gat" is.
• Greets you with the name "Bro," "Doggett," or "Homie," but still insists that you don't end your sentences in prepositions.
• Gets a 1500 or better on the SAT, but talks about hard life in the hood.
• Closest approximation to his "bitch" is the blond girl with acne and glasses that sits next to him in orchestra.
So imagine my surprise when Erik, my own personal Homogenized White Boy, came online with the following heated exchange (he's ErikMD2B, I'm CynicalMak1, naturally):
ErikMD2B: oh alcohol, our home and native land
ErikMD2B: errr
ErikMD2B: drink?
CynicalMak1: You've never been drunk in your life, asshole.
ErikMD2B: that is not a response
CynicalMak1: That was barely a question.
CynicalMak1: Drink what?
ErikMD2B: fuck fuck fuck fuck mother fuck, mother mother fuck
ErikMD2B: rolling doobies rolling blunts
CynicalMak1: I know for a fact you've never seen that movie.
ErikMD2B: who smokes the blunts? WE smoke the blunts
ErikMD2B: smoking blunts and drinking beers
ErikMD2B: drinking beers beers beers
CynicalMak1: I offered to show it to you, but NO, you wanted to watch "Farenheit 9/11" again, pinko.
CynicalMak1: Since footage of people crying and getting pissed off at the president is so enthralling, after all.
ErikMD2B: lol
CynicalMak1: Don't "lol" me, asswipe, AIM acronyms are far beneath you.
CynicalMak1: So you're already running out of things to do?
ErikMD2B: let's play a game
ErikMD2B: guess how drunk I am
CynicalMak1: HAHA. Not at all.
ErikMD2B: that is the game
ErikMD2B: hahaha
ErikMD2B: lol, w00t
ErikMD2B: we
ErikMD2B: 'll end with that
ErikMD2B: I'm going to bed
ErikMD2B: it's late
ErikMD2B: nightolio]
CynicalMak1: Wow, [name deleted] what's the proof on that beer you're drinking?*
* Beer doesn't have a proof, asshole.
ErikMD2B: like, 400 or something
CynicalMak1: That's REALLY strong. You should be careful, you stud.
ErikMD2B: i know
ErikMD2b: but i'm a professional now
CynicalMak1: Well, after six whole days of living on the East Coast, who wouldn't be?
ErikMD2B: Holla!
ErikMD2B: good night friend
CynicalMak1: God, I hate you so much.
ErikMD2B signed off at 10:44 PM
A little background information about Erik:
• He lived with his parents all eighteen years growing up in an upper-middle class neighborhood. His dad's a cardiologist. His mom doesn't even have to work.
• His parents have bought him two cars, one of which he promptly wrecked. His second car sports three bumper stickers: John Kerry 2004, Kerry-Edwards 2004, and Democracy for America or some other shit like that.
• He watched Farenheit 9/11 four times IN THEATERS, and insists that Michael Moore is the greatest filmmaker of our time.
• He's in NYC protesting the GOP convention as we speak.
• He got a 1580 on his SAT on the first try.
• He is a cellist, and has been since he was eight years old. To most of you, my mentioning of the names Rostropovich, Starker, Casals, or Feuermann will mean nothing, but to him, he can started a heated discussion on the pros and cons of all of their recordings.
• He is a Mac-user (this is especially sinister). Macs in da hood, woo!
• He's going to Yale this fall.
Yes, Erik here is certainly a free-wheeling party boy, so hip that I can't even associate with him anymore. And one hell of an alcoholic. An alcoholic who still has the gall to type "w00t" in his AIM window.
Please, do what you can to stop this horrid disease. Together, we can fight the syndrome affecting millions of Midwestern, Great Plains, and Inland Northwestern teenagers and make sure white kids with five figure parental allowances like Erik go where they belong:
User Reviews
Submitted by Cymak (user info) at 2004-08-30 16:40:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-08-30 15:21:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
isn't proof just 2 x -OH %? making a beer somewhere in the 7 proof range?
--------------------------------------
You're right; the point was that this kid doesn't KNOW anything, and thus was attesting to proof. Put it this way: Everclear is 190 proof. There is no such thing as a 400 proof, thus he was making shit up like he always does.
Submitted by bad_absinthe (user info) at 2004-08-30 15:22:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
My last name is Coon and I felt very white after reading this.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-08-30 15:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
isn't proof just 2 x -OH %? making a beer somewhere in the 7 proof range?
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-08-30 15:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
pOOp
Submitted by Cymak (user info) at 2004-08-30 15:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"YOU'RE SHIT AND NOBODY LOVES YOU!"
Well, that could be very true. How insightful.
"sounds like you're jealous of your friend.
GANGSTA"
I've seen some pretty weird shit in my life but there is nothing in the world that could possibly make me jealous of a "wigger."
"Isn't this from "Clerks?" Jay and Silent Bob."
It's Jay and Silent Bob, and it's from "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" (the opening scene in front of the convenience store from Clerks). Hence my anger, because I knew that guy had never seen that movie.
Submitted by NETHOS (user info) at 2004-08-30 10:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU'RE SHIT AND NOBODY LOVES YOU!
Submitted by oddzandendz (user info) at 2004-08-30 05:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
sounds like you're jealous of your friend.
GANGSTA
Submitted by digitalKRONIC at 2004-08-30 04:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ErikMD2B: who smokes the blunts? WE smoke the blunts
ErikMD2B: smoking blunts and drinking beers
ErikMD2B: drinking beers beers beers
Isn't this from "Clerks?" Jay and Silent Bob.
Submitted by Valacosa (user info) at 2004-08-30 03:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Around here we call those people "Wiggers". I'd rather not get into the etymology of that word, though...
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-08-30 03:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for gmail
Next time save the picture as a jpeg not a bmp.
Submitted by EvrenWasHere (user info) at 2004-08-30 03:07:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I like
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-08-30 02:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ErikMD2B: who smokes the blunts? WE smoke the blunts
_________
Ha!
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-08-30 02:38:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Perfect job of describing HWBS. Word.
Submitted by Cymak (user info) at 2004-08-30 02:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stupid picture; sorry, that was supposed to be in the post, not a link.