I can dancen't! (415 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -1 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chris WTF!1 <AltamontUnion.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-30 07:40:51 EDT
So this past Saturday, some friends of mine - specifically, Billy (an amazing weight-lifting WC3-playing (DoTA only) vagabond), Steve (a notably intelligent Libertarian gent), Danny (a hefty oft-obnoxious musically-inclined chum) - and I (shithead) decided to visit David, who is currently enrolled as a third-year college student attending Monterey State in... Monterey.
Any time little trips like this occur, I fantasize about meeting drunk, gorgeous college sluts, and convincing them to clean my chimney. Never has this happened. I went to Santa fucking Barbara for Halloween last year and all I got was seperated from my drunk-beyond-speech-capabilities friends. Ridiculous that I received nary a sexual advance, particularly given that there were upwards of 74 million drunk, attractive college sluts there.
Anyways, we drove to Monterey from Livermore, which is about a 2-hour drive or so. If any of you know California, Livermore's located in the Tri-Valley just east of Hayward by 10 minutes or so. We deal in terms of I-580 and I-680 exclusively.
The ride from 680 South to 5 south to fucking 156 or something westnorthdown was actually quite nice, save for the intense stuffiness in Bill's 1991 maroon Dodge Grand Caravan (the Grand means that your entire body sweats uncontrollably while in the car). Billy, Steve and I carried on a pseudointellectual discussion about regulation and fervent 60-year-old mouth-foaming old women at the DNC, who I affectionately refer to as "frothers." Danny would chime in with subpar quips, and if I may do some personal horn-tooting, his lackadaisical interest in anything besides Freddie Mercurcy ostracized him from the conversation.
Since I just realized it's 4 motherfucking 33 AM, I'm going to cut to the point: I dislike dancing. Maybe it's because I can't do it very well or don't have much experience or generally detest any and all humanity I encounter, but we went to this party in some suburb where there must've been a good 1500 people or so, and since I don't drink, I was instantly repulsed by the droves of inebriated retards gyrating to "Fuck that slut, lemme slut y'bitch up," collectively defining the state of "higher education" in the United States. My friend Cole is an ultimate brotruckbeer, so he lead the way into the dancing crowd, upon which I pretended to enjoy myself and put on a fake drunk act. You'd be amazed at how easy it is to approach girls when you pretend you can't see them/speak English. This short, mildly unattractive girl somehow wound up in front of me, rhythmically oscillating her wide ass against my crotch. I did squats like I'd learned in high school football. It was pretty ridiculous.
Afterwards, Dave and Cole got into a fight, Danny moped around, previously unmentioned John attempted to fight previously unmentioned Stu, and we all sat in Dave's small dorm room while the oppressive humidity dissipated any chance we might have had of sleeping that night. Billy, Danny and I decided that rest was futile in Monterey, so I drove us three idiots back home at 5 AM Sunday. It was a nice drive.
User Reviews
Submitted by Lobsterkins (user info) at 2004-08-30 17:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey, you know, it's okay if you guys disliked my story, because I had a great time this weekend and this little tale makes me smile. :}
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-08-30 11:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You can't write either.
Submitted by NETHOS (user info) at 2004-08-30 10:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU'RE SHIT AND NOBODY LOVES YOU!
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-08-30 10:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for going to monteray I fucking loved that place
Submitted by your mum at 2004-08-30 08:26:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You sound like a loser -2 for you!!!!
HAHAHAHAAHAHA!!