Don't hold on to the past, right? Sure. (509 hits)
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Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2004-08-30 21:08:00 EDT
I held the phone close to my mouth, kept my voice low. It was almost a whisper, but not quite. You see, I always feel as if whispers can't really transmit over phone lines. Something about it just defies logic. "Should I come home from Egypt early?"
"If you come home, will you be..." He couldn't finish his sentence, but I knew what he was getting at.
If I left egypt early, would I also be leaving my husband. The answer was yes. If I left my husband, would I be leaving him for Mike? No.
I had known for months that I had to get out, and it took my interest in Mike to push me out. He was everything I had ever wanted in a man (or so I told myself). Even if I didn't live Happily Ever After with Mike, at least I knew that there WAS such a thing as love.
When I accepted the marriage proposal, I accepted because I thought Love was a myth. I accepted because I was complacent, defeated, and ready to settle for a "decent" man.
When I met Mike I started to feel. I started to live. I had someone that actually listened to me, someone that made me laugh, someone that understood me. Finally.
I left my husband because I found out that Love exsisted.
I loved Mike. I had never been in love before.
This simply meant that I had two choices. 1) stay in a marriage without love, and no possiblity of love. 2) get out of the marriage and open myself up to the possiblity that I would find love. If it wasn't with Mike, at least I knew there might be someone.
We said our quick, quiet goodbyes, and I hung up the phone. I was miserable and elated. I was going home two weeks early, I just had to tell my husband.
*
I flew home on New Years Eve. I celebrated the new year in Germany, talking to a few arabic girls who were flying to the States for the first time. No champagne, but a lot of joy. I cried. Starting the new year with a new life is very liberating.
Mike met me at my apartment. It was the first time we had been together in a context outside of friendship.
We spent the next two weeks together. We made love, we confessed our feelings, we reveled in our union. The day my husband came home, I moved back to my parents house.
Most divorces are dramatic and emotional. Mine was not. Neither of us were in love, and we hadn't been married long. The only sadness either of us felt was tied to the money lost on the wedding and reception. (that's sad on it's own, eh?)
Mike and I were together for the next 6 months.
Three days went by and he hadn't called. I called him, and he didn't call back.
I called again. He didn't call back.
I started to wonder. I started to worry. I drove out to his house, and he wasn't home. His step-dad assured me that Mike was fine, no freak accidents were keeping him from me.
After a week it finally sunk in. He wasn't GOING to call me back. He wasn't busy, he was avoiding me.
I could find no reason for this. We hadn't had any recent disagreements. Nothing different had happened, nothing noteworthy had transpired... there was no explanation to be found, and he wasn't offering one up.
Two months later I tried calling him again. I couldn't get over it- I had no closure... all i wanted was a reason. I didn't care what the reason was, but I wanted to know why he left. He never returned that call, either.
Anyone who has ever been in love knows the desperation of this situation. They also know the slow road to recovery.
Six months later I was there. I accepted the situation, and I was ready to move on. I had stopped comparing every guy I went on a date with to Mike. My mind no longer wandered off into reverie. I got over him. Of course, this is when he called me back. "Hey baby! What's up??"
I couldn't talk. I was furious. I was elated. Every single emotion I had ever felt welled up in my stomach.
"Mike?"
"How are ya?!"
"Fine... you?"
We talked for three hours. We never talked about us. I was afraid to bring it up. The past six months were meaningless. My recovery was fruitless. I was going to have him again. We were going to work it out. Thank God.
The next day he came over. Then the next. After a week of spending time with him I was back. I had what I wanted, as did he... he apologized for hurting me, "I was working so much, and after a week of not calling, I knew you'd be mad... and it just got out of hand... and... god, it was hell. God, I love you. It killed me. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done."
Of course I bought into it. I fell even deeper in love. My intuitive mind was screaming at me- waving red warning flags, banging around in my head. Of course I ignored it.
Again, he didn't call back. This time I didn't get worried, I didn't try calling. I knew he'd come back, I knew he loved me...
He called back.
Three months later.
*
Now, a year later- I'm still suffering from this. In every other aspect of my life I have progressed... with relationships I have digressed to an embarrassing degree.
I know I've been the "Mike" to other people. I've done the unthinkable. It's like karma in reverse.
I'm not doing it this time, bitches.
User Reviews
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2004-08-31 01:03:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
To feed our craving for a passionate life we can become temporarily consumed by the bitter residue of fruits that at first seemed so impossibly sweet.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by User9000 (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:30:00 (#)
Ranking: 0
Corn, for such a "connector," why didn't you make this connection?
A few weeks ago, there was a couple posts of guys sharing tips on the general psyche of women. Apparently, you didn't agree with them. From what I understand, you wrote a mockery, http://www.ubersite.com/m/43123 to make fun of them. I find it funny how this current story here falls perfectly within the theory explained on one of the very said posts, http://www.ubersite.com/m/40994 .
*****
Oh, I don't read a lot of posts. That post I wrote was not a mockery of anything. It was me writing fiction. I haven't read that 40994 post.
*****
You leave your beta male for the alpha male. The alpha male treats you like shit. He knows he can get away it due to his superior social skills. You just take it up the arse.
*****
Indeed, I did leave the beta for the alpha.
*****
While true love is not a myth, keeping the "loving" feeling forever most likely is. And you can get this loving feeling without the other person experiencing it.
*****
Hmm... not sure where this ties in. Of course I know what you mean, and I don't disagree... but it doesn't relate to how I feel or have felt. If you're referring ot my marriage, I never entered the "loving" phase, so I didn't lose it, I never had it.
*****
I don't know, though....maybe your friend and his random-exiting antics have come up with a way to sustain the "loving" feeling. This story reminds me of the keychain that says on both sides, "Wanna know how to keep a moron entertained for hours? Flip it to the other side."
*****
Now that I've known the guy for almost three years, I'd say that the love was there initally, but after we got back together (for the week -wow-) it wasn't really "love" I was feeling, but excitement... I was relieved that he wanted to be with me again.
More or less, what promted me to write this post is the guy I just started dating a few weeks ago... I catch myself starting to regress, worrying that he'll do what Mike did- I start trying to "protect" myself, etc... and I'm not going to do that. That's what I am getting at.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This story reminds me of the keychain that says on both sides, "Wanna know how to keep a moron entertained for hours? Flip it to the other side."
=====================================================
yeah, i got that impression, too.
Submitted by User9000 (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:30:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Corn, for such a "connector," why didn't you make this connection?
A few weeks ago, there was a couple posts of guys sharing tips on the general psyche of women. Apparently, you didn't agree with them. From what I understand, you wrote a mockery, http://www.ubersite.com/m/43123 to make fun of them. I find it funny how this current story here falls perfectly within the theory explained on one of the very said posts, http://www.ubersite.com/m/40994 .
You leave your beta male for the alpha male. The alpha male treats you like shit. He knows he can get away it due to his superior social skills. You just take it up the arse.
While true love is not a myth, keeping the "loving" feeling forever most likely is. And you can get this loving feeling without the other person experiencing it.
I don't know, though....maybe your friend and his random-exiting antics have come up with a way to sustain the "loving" feeling. This story reminds me of the keychain that says on both sides, "Wanna know how to keep a moron entertained for hours? Flip it to the other side."
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-30 21:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hidden... I wish YOU were smart enough to avoid me.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-30 21:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"After a week it finally sunk in. He wasn't GOING to call me back. He wasn't busy, he was avoiding me."
smart man.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-30 21:23:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
La Nuggeta you really do need to get hold of this one.
YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL!
I know so many women that keep falling for this tired game played by men who will never be there for them. Then they wake up and they are in their late thirties and they wonder how come they have never got a permanent relationship, kids, house and all the other things they really wanted.
The answer is simple: Because they have never stood up and demanded it!
I don't get it and it doesn't have to be this way.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-08-30 21:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jlbinct (user info) at 2004-08-30 21:14:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
it's time you kick this guy's ass to the curb.
***
Of course...
I guess I didn't make that clear. I no longer talk to Mike. Well, once in a while he'll call and we'll chit chat, but I'm not THAT stupid... We won't ever date again.
Submitted by jlbinct (user info) at 2004-08-30 21:14:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it's time you kick this guy's ass to the curb.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-30 21:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This fucking ruled!