Country Is the White Man's Rap (1193 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.35 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by facts (View user info) at 2004-08-30 22:14:00 EDT
New York, New York - A shocking announcement that Country music is the White Man's rap by the Justinian Edwards Wilson (JEW) think tank has befuddled and angered a large majority of Americans. The think tank's conclusion was made after a five year colorblind study was done.
Steven Sciutto of JEW is a respected mathematician whose expertise helped relate the sonic similarities of the two genres. "When I did an Auditory Spectral Sense (ASS) analysis of Toby Keith's Shock n Yall I found that each song had a 100% probability of sucking, and Keith's rap analogue Fat Joe's album Loyalty had the same plot," said Sciutto. Sciutto recognizes that there are many other forms of music that suck, in fact he used Yanni as his control, but he believes this does not diminish his findings. "These findings are incredible, I found that Toby Keith and Fat Joe have the same ASS rating, that is they produce equally bad music," said Sciutto.
The relationship between Country music and Rap music's actual musical enjoyability was only a small part of the study. Dr. Elizabeth Meyer, an English Professor who works for JEW studied the lyrical and visual aspects of both genres. "One thing I found to be common was an immense pride in squalid living conditions, in country music it's the trailer park, in rap it's the ghetto," said Meyer. Dr. Meyer gave an example of Keith's song 'Double Wide Paradise' in which Keith longs for a lover to come back to Double Wide Paradise. Dr. Meyer also cited Eazy-E's song '2 Hard Mutha's' in which Eazy-E glorifies the violence he perpetrates in Compton.
The part of the study done by Dr. Meyer did find some dissimilarities in each genres approach to amorous encounters. In his song 'Hit The Hooker' Eazy-E starts his description of a romantic night with "Big tittie shitty bang bang sittin' on a dick" while Keith merely says "Hold you, kiss you, love you." "The graphic depictions of big tittie shitty sex contrast starkly with hold you, kiss you, love you; Eazy-E is expressing love as he has known it and Keith the same," said Dr. Meyer.
Another interesting find by the study was the mutual hate between genres. It was discovered that out of a 1000 person sample only six people would like both country and rap, incidentally it was found that these six people were left of center on a mean IQ curve for the sample. The study has not been able to explain this, but some members of JEW have theories. Mufame Mcginnis, a physiologist, believes that innate hate for both country and rap in humans is evolution's way of protecting the species from Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). "I believe as we see the number of people who listen to country and rap increase that there will be a resulting increase in cases of IBS."
The study has been praised by some and has been largely ignored by the country and rap communities.
Keith, country music's biggest star felt confused by the study, but was prepared to embrace his newfound rap heritage. "You know, I'm not one to discriminate against coloreds, I think they make fine music, and even I plan on doing a project with Jay-Z, TrailerHoppin'," said Keith. Puff Daddy was focusing on the positive effects of a country/rap merger. "That means more white chicks right?" said Puff Daddy. It appears that the rap and country communities can get along and that they both embrace their non-unique lack of musical worth.
While the country and rap communities have accepted their similarities, many fans have not. An African-American New York man who calls himself 'Kimbo' was visibly upset by the consequences of the study and trying to accept his new quasi-cultural identity. "Shit man, I ain't no cracker, am I am I," said Kimbo. Meanwhile Tracy Chang, an Asian-American woman who originally identified with rap expressed disillusionment. "What am I supposed to do now, I can't wear a cowboy hat, I already have a hard enough time getting light to my retinas," said Chang.
User Reviews
Submitted by alu (user info) at 2004-09-08 23:22:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked it. Rap and Country, two kinds of music I love to hate. The people screaming racism need to take it down a notch.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-08-31 15:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post irritates my bowels.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-08-31 14:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Razor hates racism but hey....would you look at that:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/12137#142923
Submitted by Caulaincourt at 2004-08-31 14:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Next time you want a +2 from Razor, don't mention Jews. He only condemns racism when it concerns his people.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-08-31 13:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1. Not funny
2. Racist, I don't care if most of you don't think so.
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-08-31 10:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Racist? Maybe...
...but it's a joke. If I had a dime for every racist joke I've ever heard, I could quit my job and go golfing for the next fifty years. If I can listen to black comedians and rappers use racist slang about themselves, then I don't think I mind reading a very well written piece of humor with a few racist undertones.
(Note that this post also make fun of honkies too.)
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2004-08-31 09:11:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This wasn't good. 0
use of racist stereotypes for no reason...it wasn't smart -1
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-31 06:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-08-31 04:40:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Who can disagree? Though I think I've read this elsewhere before...
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-31 04:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
237 Hits, 13 reviews.
This deserves better than that.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-08-31 04:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you fucking racist.
racism is not funny.
;-)
Submitted by Shank (user info) at 2004-08-31 03:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
LMFAO!!! BEST THING I'VE READ ALL WEEK.
CHA CHING YOUVE EARNED THE KICKER OF ALL ASS AWARD!!
Submitted by Cymak (user info) at 2004-08-31 03:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck yeah.
Submitted by smokymtcsw (user info) at 2004-08-31 01:42:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is excellent work
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-08-31 01:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Kellio (user info) at 2004-08-31 00:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Commie_bastard (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:22:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Kellio, your such a pussy.
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Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:21:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
kellio- get over the racism thing, hero. seriously.
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Submitted by Kellio (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:19:27 (#)
Ranking: 1
Despite undertones of racism, this had some funny moments.
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Whoops, accidently posted this review twice.
Hey, I gave it a positive rating! For me the minor racist undertones were done well and were obviously a joke. I quite liked this post.
Submitted by Kellio (user info) at 2004-08-31 00:43:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Commie_bastard (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:22:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Kellio, your such a pussy.
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Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:21:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
kellio- get over the racism thing, hero. seriously.
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Submitted by Kellio (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:19:27 (#)
Ranking: 1
Despite undertones of racism, this had some funny moments.
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-08-31 00:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-08-30 23:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fan-bloody-tastic.
Submitted by dakingisdead (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Brilliant!
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Racism? Saying rap and country share an equal portion of suck? Subtle poop jokes? What else are the prerequisites for B@W? This is prime material for kicker of all ass.
Submitted by Commie_bastard (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:22:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kellio, your such a pussy.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kellio- get over the racism thing, hero. seriously.
Submitted by Kellio (user info) at 2004-08-30 22:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Despite undertones of racism, this had some funny moments.