Painful Anecdotes Ep. 1 (464 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.67 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Adrick H. <cma_genius.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-31 05:43:22 EDT
Christmas 2003, Stratford Wisconsin~
I'm over at my friends house for Christmas as my family celebrated early. It's around 2 a.m. and were playing Perfect Dark just talking about random shit as we frag the AI. Joe's little brother wakes and with an eccentric yawn, he did this thing where he stuck his tounge out and licked the air, he got out of bed and went to the bathroom. about 10 minutes later we hear him running back up the stairs. At this point I would like to point out; the entrance to Joes room goes into the wall a bit plus, it's just around a corner, making the door very diificult to see. Short stoy shorter we hear, *BANG* *CLUNK* *THUMP*
"HOLY FUCK, OH MY GOD!"
We look at each other and scramble for the door. He's laying on floor with blood pouring from his nose, he quickly cups his upper lip to catch the blood. Looking at the scene trying not to break into hysterical laughter I notice the iron wrought end-table place on the opposite wall bent. Examining the surrondings brought a small video that played in my head.
I could just see this small sandy haired boy turning the corner at break neck speed and slow-mo slamming into the door bouncing within the sickening echo of a crunch and squish, followed by a scream emitted as he falls back and slams himself upon weaved iron amid a satisfying clang of bone on metal.
As we helped him up and watched him slowly recover he recounted his tale and my assumtions weren't incorrect.
"Why the hell'd you run up here anyways you ass muncher?" Joe inquired.
"Presents..." Jake slowly stamered, in a downhearted voice of squelching pain.
"PRESENT?!" Joe questioned, "Mom and Dad are in Milwauke. Where the hell'd we get presents from?"
"Who cares?"
And with that we ran down stairs, or rather jumped halfway down over the banister. Tearing at the crisp cold sheen paper our hands quivered. Jake slowly sauntered downstairs. Our hands were flying side to side like cotton reapers. Finally.
"PAYDIRT BIATCH!"
I slowed my decent into tree flesh.
"What the hell is that?"
Joe ripped the tinted plastic from the package with his teeth, as if some savage beast claiming its preys final moments of soul. As we stood there wide eyed at the splendor that was a Tipmann Custom like a trio of 3rd graders watching the playboy channel Joe turned the gun over and over in his hands. The Mug fit perfect in his grip like it was molded to him, his finger smudged the cold black trigger he began pointing it around checking the aim. Then with no reason he turned the gun on me and with a small *pvvt!* I saw the orange and yellow ball spiral towards me lower extremities. With a *KROWPK* I fell to the ground in pain grasping at my calf.
"WHAT THE HELL I WRONG WIHT YOU, YOU SICK TWISTED BASTARD!"
"I didn't think it was loaded! HOLY SHIT DUDE, YOU GOTTA ADMIT THATS FUNNY CRAP!"
He laughed, a maniacal laugh that has scince branded itself into my mind. Lucky for him the paint sprayed and splattered upon the paper strewn about rather htan the floor. Clutching my leg in pain I would gain revenge at the hands of another. Jake with cat like reflexes grabbed the gun and began pumping the trigger straight at his brother who began to twitch and swat as if flys were infesting his skin.
"HOLY CRAP JAKE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Screamed a voice.
A cease fire as Rachel ran down the stairs to grab the gun from Jake.
Hours later and to this day when we look in retrospect we all acn't help but laugh like a bunch of teenagers setting their jeans on fire after smoking a huge roach.
User Reviews
Submitted by Burn (user info) at 2004-08-31 12:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok that was funny but poorly written...
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-08-31 09:46:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
poopy
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2004-08-31 05:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
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