There is a HUGE fucking spider and its near my bed. (2813 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.47 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (View user info) at 2004-08-31 05:55:10 EDT
Its 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. Why is that, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Its because there is a huge fucking spider that has invaded my habitat. There I was, just lying there contemplating the oncoming school day when I noticed the gigantic brown beast lumbering up my wall. Eye contact was made and it was there I saw an anger that could only mean one thing. Death. This was the spider from my kitchen. I thought I had scared him into hiding, but I guess he has now found his way into my room and is now going to eat me.
It was around 1 in the afternoon when he was first spotted by my buddy, scooter. He was just sitting there, hovering near the paper towels. We assumed him dead and left him alone. The second time his presence was noted, it was done so by Briana. And this time, we wanted to make sure of his lifelessness, so she poked him, and thusly awakening him from his comatose slumber. Several attempts were made at his death after that, but none were to prevail and so it is here where this story takes us. I've been watching for him for 2 hours. he's a crafty little beast and he thinks that he can get the best of me. WELL HE CAN'T!
I've built a wall consisting of blankets, bits of paper, and my cat, that stands between me and the monster. Should he manage to make it through the mess of blanket and paper he will still have Junipurr to deal with and she is an expert in eating spiders.
I keep on seeing spiders in my room but they aren't really there. Its just some little dark spot that upon first glance looks like a spider. I think I'm paranoid. But I also think that I have every right to be seeing as to how this is one HUGE spider. Maybe he was once a man like Gregor Samsa. But instead of staying confined to the room, content with staying out of the way, he has gone psycho. He wants to wreak terror and havoc among those with early appointments tomorrow.
This is getting out of hand. Its either going to be me, or him, and since I have my spider- squishin' shoe out and ready, I think that he will go down like a freshman on prom night. Bring it on.
User Reviews
Submitted by TimeCop (user info) at 2004-12-28 03:45:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For some reason, this reminded me of that Amelie movie.
Submitted by Kazzerax (user info) at 2004-11-10 20:31:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
g-g-ggay...sorry, made me gag
Submitted by abefroman42 (user info) at 2004-11-09 15:56:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Derka derka derka, Muhammad Jihad
Submitted by Spider-Man (user info) at 2004-09-27 20:18:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Spiders???? YAHOOOO. I LIEK SPIDRSDS!
Submitted by Socialist_Joe (user info) at 2004-09-25 09:29:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
spiders taste good-like
Submitted by Prince oF PeAce at 2004-09-04 18:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
damn, where do you live for there to be huge spiders
Submitted by me at 2004-09-01 07:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
stop bin a whinin hussy and just fuckin deal with it
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-08-31 19:26:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For some reason the title made me giggle. I found a dead spider squooshed on my face one morning. It's comforting to know that the animal kingdom consider my visage a suitable place to die.
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (user info) at 2004-08-31 19:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not yet..... But I haven't been home! I swear!
Submitted by jlbinct (user info) at 2004-08-31 19:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Several attempts were made at his death after that, but none were to prevail and so it is here where this story takes us. I've been watching for him for 2 hours. he's a crafty little beast and he thinks that he can get the best of me. WELL HE CAN'T!
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Well did you kill it?
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (user info) at 2004-08-31 19:09:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes well. Funny story about killing spiders with aresols.
Some of my buddies found a spider on one of their walls and it was gigantic. So they sprayed it with that stuff that kills cockroaches and it would die so they trapped it underneith a glass and watched it as it continued to move and shake the cup, until 45 minutes later when it finally died. It was a huge spider.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2004-08-31 15:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
causeican: you haven't read the post. Or you wouldn't have given it a -2. except you are one of these spaming assholes or very dumb. I believe you are the later.
Submitted by causeican (user info) at 2004-08-31 14:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
seek professional help you little bitch
Submitted by Pookster at 2004-08-31 13:23:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know the feeling :(
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-08-31 10:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-31 07:11:19 (#)
Ranking: 1
Spiders aren't huge unless they can eat birds like those bastards down in South America.
Just kill it for god's sake and get on with your life.
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...birds? ...eeps!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-08-31 09:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woman, I dig it.
There is so much room for them outside. Why don't they just stay there!
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-08-31 08:26:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
KILL IT... it might be a brow recluse which can put a hurting on humans.... kinda like the flesh eating virus, but caused by a recluse bite! ... LOOK IT UP, you'll see !!
"BROWN RECLUSE"
You'll be glad you did!
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-08-31 08:04:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
KILL IT!!!!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-08-31 07:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Spiders aren't huge unless they can eat birds like those bastards down in South America.
Just kill it for god's sake and get on with your life.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-08-31 06:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-08-31 06:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Geeahaaghagh!! *shiver*
Submitted by Shank (user info) at 2004-08-31 06:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You know what works well, grab some hairspray or any aerosol can and just spray the spider till it dies. Cruel? Yes. Effective? Yes.
Submitted by fluff (user info) at 2004-08-31 06:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nicely written.
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-08-31 06:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate spiders with a passion.
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (user info) at 2004-08-31 06:17:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Because then I would have to move my mattress. And that would disturb it and cause it to act erraticly. If it breaches the wall, I am ready with my spider-squishin' shoe.
Submitted by Goulash (user info) at 2004-08-31 06:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It only just occured to me after seeing your reply, that you are still sitting in your fortress of solitude. Wy dont you just kill the damn thing?
Submitted by Lady_in_the_radiator (user info) at 2004-08-31 06:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It hasn't breached the wall yet... All is good.
Submitted by Shank (user info) at 2004-08-31 06:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
LOL I LOVE THESE KINDS OF POSTS!
Submitted by Goulash (user info) at 2004-08-31 05:59:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
he has now found his way into my room and is now going to eat me.
I've built a wall consisting of blankets, bits of paper, and my cat, that stands between me and the monster.
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