Touch and Go (526 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.67 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chris Linehart <chriscutis.at.aol.com> (View user info) at 2004-08-31 07:00:55 EDT
I awoke in my 1500 a month flat at 6 am, groaning as leaning to the right and picking up the still-smoldering cigarette butt set on my Niagara Falls novelty ashtray. After puffing away the last of it, I grab the coffee mug half filled with sludgy coffee and vodka. After downing this muck I finally feel like I can get out of bed and stand the world. A cold shower and stale piece of toast later I begin to dress. This is just another hated piece of my morning routine. I've never been able to find clothes that fit me comfortably. I force my wool suit on, grimacing as the harsh fibers graze my skin. I light up a fresh cigarette and leave for the elevator at 7:15. On the elevator I have to deal with Ms. Mullice and her brat son. She tries to make small talk, something about her Mickey being so smart and so talented and she wonders if I could get some pull to have him admitted into the University at an early age. I don't really pay attention, just trying to get her to shut up so I can think.
I'm on the LaQuire University campus by 8:30, looking for a place to park my garbage Audi. As usual all the spots in the professor parking lot are taken, by students more than professors. I end up finally finding a space 10 minutes away from my office. During this walk through the slush and dodging the cars flying by in the parking lot, I hear "Professor Diemer, Professor Diemer!" I turn and see the bright-eyed, weasely, pimple-faced sophomore Dale Wexler. He's a student in my 18th century American Lit class, a B+ student, bright, but naïve and stupid in the ways of the world. He's overly concerned about some typo in a handout of mine, I give him one of my usual vague answers, and rush off to my office before he can respond. I plan to smoke a bong and sit around reading until my 9:45 class. As I get high I remember the 60's...
I stumbled out of bed in my 200 bucks a month cozy apartment at 9:20 am. I grab a protein bar and throw on a tye-dye shirt, blazer and a pair of shorts. I smoke a roach and run for the elevator. That cunt Ms. Wallace sees me going for the elevator and sneers as she pushes her son away from me. In the elevator I remember my time at a Journey concert in Detroit. As I pedal faster and faster to make it to class on time I realize I should get a better morning routine.
I manage to get on campus at 9:35, I lock my bike into the bike rack and pretend to chase my students to class. Luckily the bike rack is right next to the building so I don't have to wade through slush. Some dumb kid stops me about a missing page in a handout from my American History class. I'm mean to him, but in a way that will foster his innocent intelligent intellect into blooming. I manage to get to my 9:45 English 2 on time and sit behind my desk waiting for a few minutes to give the illusion that my watch is just slow. There are no clocks in classrooms just for this purpose. There are two clock towers on campus but that's all. Just as I start my lesson I hear the fire alarm go off. As soon as the first drop of water hits the top of my head I recall seeing a student in a raincoat a few minutes earlier.
We all make it outside in an orderly manner, and I tell the kids if they give me their papers they can go, but if they don't have them I want them to form a line and tell me their excuses. A lot of people stared while we stood outside going through half the class's pitiful claims, but I just loved the entertaining stories. When they had finished I was laughing so hard I just told them they could all go. I decided to smoke a bong of salvia when I got back to my office.
User Reviews
Submitted by Milkman (user info) at 2004-08-31 11:18:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't get it
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-08-31 07:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for weed
Submitted by UniBrowZIT (user info) at 2004-08-31 07:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wrote the first professor a few months ago and when I found it last night I just had to finish it this way.
Submitted by Kellio (user info) at 2004-08-31 07:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not too shabby