Parental Sex: (2040 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.93 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Spookster (View user info) at 2004-08-31 07:10:37 EDT
Is the most disturbing thing in the world...
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'Twas the night before Monday, when all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
My posts were on Uber, written with care,
In hopes that good reviews soon would be there;
I was nestled, all snug and warm in my bed,
With visions of +2's dancing in my head;
And mamma and dad were finishing their nightcap,
And were supposed to be settling down for the night's nap;
When from their room arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter;
Away to the door I flew like a flash,
Tore open the door and stopped in mid-dash;
The moans were rising from their abode,
And my feelings of alarm they did immediately forbode;
When, what to my horror-filled eyes should appear,
The rocking of a painting on the wall near;
Her disturbing noises were rising, so lively and quick,
I thought for a moment that I would be sick;
More rapid than eagles his hoarse cries they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, calling her many a bad name;
"Now, Bitch! now, Whore! now, you dirty Vixen!
This viagra my problem has been a fixin'!
Over the porch rail! Up against the wall!
I'll screw you good, until down do I fall!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;
So up to the house-top their sickening cries filled,
Even with my ears blocked still I wished they'd be killed;
And then, in a twinkling, I heard from the wall,
A bang as their bed-head rocked the house tall;
As our awakened neighbours our house did want to bash,
To our door did come Mr. Jones with a crash;
He was dressed in pyjamas, and angry to boot,
As he applied to the front door his Doc Martin'd foot;
A flannel dressing gown he had flung on his back,
And he looked really pissed off, disturbed from his nap,
He thumped for attention, our doorbell made gong;
But oblivious to this, my parents, rode on.
His eyes -- how they glared! his dimples how scary!
From the rage on his face, he was plainly not merry!
His angry little features were drawn into a glare,
And it was plain to tell that my parents should be'ware;
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, as he raged like a bowlful of jelly;
He was chubby and plump, a right freaky old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A twitch of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And carved something rude into our door with a jerk;
He sprang to his house, to me showed a finger,
And gave me one last glare, that long it did linger;
But I heard him exclaim, ere he stormed out of sight,
"I'm trying to sleep you pricks, good-fucking-night!"
---
Needless to say, I hate my parents having sex.
User Reviews
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-08-31 15:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I find writing about things to be one of the best ways to get them out of my head.
Heh, Lojope - The Immaculate Conception
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-08-31 11:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good, but the timing was a bit off... Still, you show some talent at fucking up people with talk of mummy and daddy playing doctor
Submitted by WallFlower (user info) at 2004-08-31 09:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
+2 for being able to rhyme, -2 for writing about your parents having sex, -2 for being a dumbass
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-08-31 09:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
ewww. i don't want to think about this!
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2004-08-31 09:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-31 08:53:39 (#)
Ranking: 1
My parents do NOT have sex. Seriously. Shut up! They don't!
-------------------------
I second that motion.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-08-31 09:09:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-08-31 09:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/24660
Submitted by puggso_32 (user info) at 2004-08-31 09:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was it pooper sex?
And did she get his cum in her mouth?
Just wondering
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-08-31 08:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My parents do NOT have sex. Seriously. Shut up! They don't!
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-08-31 08:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Kinda sick that you put that much thought into writing about your parents banging.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-08-31 08:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
That's just fuckking gross.... couldn't we talk about dead babies instead ?
Submitted by jojojojoan (user info) at 2004-08-31 07:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-08-31 07:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I heard my parents at it last night, so I have sympathy.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-08-31 07:35:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-08-31 07:13:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Daddies Gurl says:
oh
Daddies Gurl says:
im glad u can spell
Falco says:
why
Daddies Gurl says:
ROFL i dunno :D
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-08-31 07:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Note: If you didn't know, this is written to the tune of "The Night Before Christmas" which is a poem/story by Clement Clarke Moore.
It can be found here:
http://www.christmas-tree.com/stories/nightbeforechristmas.html
I tried to stay as true to the original as possible.