Going to Work (667 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.93 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jinky Williams (View user info) at 2004-08-31 12:16:53 EDT
I leave my house at 5:30am and head for work. A little earlier than I am used to, but that's just fine. I get in my car, and head out. Maybe I'll grab a Starbucks or something--I'm really, really tired. My, but it's getting to be dark earlier and earlier each day.
Now my friend is in the car and we are carpooling. It feels about half-an-hour later by my sleep-clouded reckoning. Didn't have the mental facility to look at the dashboard clock. So we're in the middle of downtown, and there's a four-way intersection we have to stop at. Ahead, where we want to go, has been barricaded by some work crew. Woohoo. Detour. I don't see exactly why, but then I see beyond the barricade and I see that the bridge is up. With cars on it. They appear to be adhering to the surface of the bridge, even though it's vertical and a boat is passing through. Bizarre.
So we are detoured to go left. But the light is still red. So we wait. A guy pulls up next to us and starts talking about him getting pulled over for making a right-hand turn on a red light and getting a fine for it. Apparently you can't make free-rights in Bellevue any more.
Bellevue? Apparently there's a drawbridge in Bellevue now. Fine by me. What's not fine by me is my friend decides to get out of my car and into this other dude's car. Looks like I am riding solo. Yayhoo. Did I mention it's noonday-light outside? Gorgeous day out. Not a cloud in the sky, great weather. For 6:00am, though? Whatever.
Light turns green. Two left-turn lanes. I am in one, my friend and this other dude are in the other one. They launch off, but I forget my car is in neutral and I gun it, and it takes me a second to get back into first and get going. So I take the left, and I have no idea where I am going, now. I've never been this way, and it looks completely foreign to me. And there are no orange "detour route" signs. But I quickly forget about that, because I hear sirens. Some cop car is hauling down the left lane (I am in the right lane). Just to be sure, I pull into a driveway.
I am now out on the sidewalk. With my steering wheel in my hand. "...?". Uh... I just pulled over for the cop to go by. My car is no where to be seen. Crap. Going to be late for work. So I start walking. I walk into a corner MiniMart. I want a Twinkie. I grab one off the rack and bring it up to the front. The lady behind the counter with a deep Hispanic accent rings it up.
"Eight dollars".
"Pardon?"
"Well, we have single-wrapped ones for four dollars."
"Uhhm..."
"Well, ever since (blah blah blah in unintelligble Spanglish) Hostess
Twinkies are really expensive now."
"How about Ding Dongs?"
"Those are $0.75 for two."
"I'll take those, then."
Apparently some major supplier of cream filling must have gone belly-up. Or something. Time to move on. I need to get to work, and here I am, walking down the sidewalk with naught but my clothes and my steering wheel.
I start thinking about this recent chain of events. I'm not quite sure what happened, but I have a recollection that the car was sucked into the steering wheel. Curious. Well, I can walk and think, but I don't have time to mess with the wheel. I need to get to work by 8:00am, and I have no idea where I am.
I eventually get to work, and it's 2:00pm. I walk in with my steering wheel. They've painted the walls a vivid blue with a hint of purple. And the tile floor has been replaced by dark grey office carpeting. The wood, previously a dark-stained pine, is now just a laquered pine. They are apparently in the middle of moving some things around. Behind the counter, all there is a refrigerator and my computer desk. Right next to each other. Coincidentally, the fridge is the same model as my parents'. Curious.
They my bosses turn to me and crack some joke about them thinking I got lost on the way to work, and what's with the steering wheel.
I am wordless. How do you tell your employers that your car was transported into oblivion (or somewhere) after you pulled into into a driveway? "My car was sucked into the netherworld and all I got was this lousy steering wheel." Hey, I got a good idea for a shirt.
Daunted, I still give it my best go. I ask them to bear with me, that I'm still having trouble working this out myself. But to the best of my understanding, my car no longer exists in this corporeal realm--or at least in any way that would allow me to utilize it as a mode of
transportation. But I still have the steering wheel.
They stand for a second, nod, and then one walks off to start moving things around again. The one who stays says that there's some issue with some late work that I apparently didn't do. Some photocopy job that's been in the works for a while. I show one of them the invoice date, and it's this morning. I couldn't have possibly gotten it before today. My boss agrees and walks off to talk to the other boss about it.
I'm inside my car. Again. The keys are in the ignition, the door slightly ajar. Apparently I dozed off. I hope my car battery isn't dead. How long was I out for? An hour and a half? What the farmer? Car starts. Good. I shut it down, and get out and go to work. I think I am going to leave early today.
Stay orange.
--JW
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-27 12:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45888
as promised
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-09-01 11:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Looking back, this is my first piece of creative writing I've ever submitted to Ubersite.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-31 15:56:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jinky, I'm not sure yet I'm still checking into it, but I have proposed to the people on the BOPWDWITWME committee that you are without a doubt, the whitest man known in the human species.
Nice handlebars too. Maybe we could drink a pint of guiness sometime.
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-08-31 15:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
GLALL:
Firstly, I don't think Ding Dongs (formerly known as King Dons, for you trivia buffs) are part of a nutritious breakfast. They *are* a nutritious breakfast.
Secondly, I am white. http://www.ubersite.com/m/23947 Here is photographic proof. I'm Scottish, English, Irish, Danish, Swedish, and any other white "ish" you can think of. If whiteness were holiness, I'd be in Heaven already.
As an aside, reading it again, I wanted to clarify that I do enjoy my bosses and working for them. I'd have put their names down if I thought it would do anything... but I also don't recall which of the two did what. The circumstances just happened to be what happened. And no, they don't read Ubersite.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-31 14:39:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jinky,
Though I am saddened that you actually think Ding Dong's are part of a nutrional balanced breakfast, it was quite a delicious post.
And you....stay.....black? Are you black?
GLALL
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-08-31 13:51:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You want some breakfast, GodLovesALittleLovin?
Head on over here http://www.ubersite.com/m/43479 for a Ding "Mao Ze" Dong.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-08-31 13:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh what the fuck Jinky I didn't come here to read. I came here for breakfast dammit.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-08-31 12:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jinky,
He did it to me, too. Your post is below mine, so he probably got you first. Second again. Gods in the heavens, can i ever come in first for something?!! ARRRGHH (Charlie Brown voice)!!!
Good post.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-08-31 12:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you got your car back.
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-08-31 12:34:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow, causeican's PHYRST REPLI EVAR!!!11oneone was a -2 on my post. I'm honored.
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by causeican (user info) at 2004-08-31 12:31:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you suck and this was lame
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-08-31 12:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm tan right now. I guess it could be considered orange.
Good posts today. Like yours and espo's
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43507