Why Musicians Hate Obnoxious Drunks and Other Reasons Not to get on Stage (1059 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.3 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Urf The Wog (View user info) at 2004-09-01 12:39:31 EDT
Musicians have always felt that an invisible force field exists between Us and Them (Them being anybody but the band and band assistants). This invisible wall is virtually impenetrable 99% of the time. There are several facts that can penetrate this steely barrier of band-dom:
1. Totally hot stripper babes. There's nothing like a drop-dead gorgeous honey dancing and snuggling up to the band members in the middle of You Can leave Your Hat On. The married/non-single band members may act like they are annoyed, but being heterosexual American males - they totally dig this.
2. Megalomaniac egotistical fucks. These people will promptly be booted and possibly beaten by the band if they attempt to break the wall. I play a 10.5 pound swamp ash bass guitar. Trust me - you do NOT want me to wield my axe like a war hammer - and believe me - I will show no mercy for these assholes.
3. Insanity. Crazy people have no concept of reality and therefore can not understand or fathom the concept of the invisible wall. Much like the dude who tackled the runner in this summers Olympics. These people will also suffer the wrath as listed in fact 2. And since they're crazy, they will just think it's another incarnation of their fucked up miasma.
4. Drunks.
It seems that at most bar gigs there is at least one obnoxious drunk that's intent on bothering the band and convincing us that they are the next Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, or Biggest-Prick-On-The-Planet.
Recently, my band performed a gig at a bar in CT. The night started out with some young drunk hottie coming up on stage during our sound check and shaking her bootie like a wannabe stripper. She was actually fine for being drunk. Didn't try and grab the microphone, didn't trip over the numerous cables or spill beer on our equipment, plus, she snuggled up to me like a nice warm bunny. We had very little room on the stage so she had to go - it was probably just a matter of time that any one of the three problems I just mentioned was bound to happen. Oh Well.
Then comes drunk retarded Fred Flintstone. He started off by coming right up to the singer and staring at him. Instantly our Band Defense Radar went on alert. He then tried to grab the microphone and sing but was deflected by the singer. Now we're all eying this fuck and getting ready to contribute to his sure-to-have "I feel like shit" morning. Fortunately for him, the situation was diffused by the drummer's girlfriend in getting him to dance - talk about taking one for the band.
There are a few good reasons that bands have and NEED that invisible wall:
1. Hazards. People don't realize that there are a lot of microphone and guitar cables strewn on stage. Sometimes you can tape these down but this doesn't always happen. I still trip now and then on cables and I've been doing this stuff for years. When your drunk and on stage, tripping is quite easy and there are all sorts of sharp pointy objects that will split your head open or cause serious injury; PA monitors, amps, drum kits, unclipped guitar strings, and of course - angry band members.
2. Bands usually spend a lot of money on their equipment. Musicians get totally pissed and violent when you spill beer or otherwise step on and break their effects pedals. I have no problem taking anyone down for breaking the invisible wall and causing destruction to my equipment. Again - 10.5 pound swamp ash bass that will split your head like a ripe melon.
3. "I'm a really awesome guitarist/drummer/harmonica player - let me sit in with you guys". You can certainly ask the band, and at times, depending on the band, the venue, and how sober/drunk you appear to be, it MIGHT happen. My experience is that when someone says they're "awesome" it really means they "suck". If someone is an accomplished musician they will usually have the respect to NEVER even ask that question and just chit chat about equipment, gigs, etc.
My band has set a rule that we don't let ANYONE sit in unless we know they are truly an awesome player, and even then it's very doubtful.
4. "Please let me sing a song". No. Ever go to karaoke night. I have and it will be a cold day in hell before I let someone mangle a song because they think they should have been on American Idol. That's why they have karaoke nights so musicians don't have to be bothered by this annoyance.
5. Bar fights. Bar fights do not belong on stage for the above reasons mentioned. If you're that stupid and white-trashy enough to insist on fighting, then just wait for the bouncers to come and beat the shit out of you before you get to the stage. If you do happen to get to the stage - we will protect our "castle-of-rock" with every tool and fiber of our existence such as - yes - a 10.5 pound swamp ash bass wielded by an angry bass player who hasn't gotten laid in two months.
User Reviews
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2004-09-02 09:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I play bass in my band. It is definitely crucial. Unless you're going straight-up acoustic or are trying for a certain effect, no bass sounds empty. The end.
Submitted by jazzdude (user info) at 2004-09-02 09:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's so true it's scary. The other annoying thing is people always come up to me gigs and say "I used to play (trumpet, in my case) myself". Apart from the fact that i'm really not interested (unless it's one of these hot stripper babes you mentioned, in which case she could talk about the price of fish in cuba and i'd listen...), why do they need to include the word "myself"!? They used to play trumpet THEMSELVES, as opposed to, say having someone play it for them? This never fails to annoy me....do any of you other gigging muso's ever get this?
Another good article about people who persist in hassling musicians 'on the job'
http://www.shwoodwind.co.uk/Notes/Jazzbore.htm
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-09-02 08:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I often find the threat of a tenor sax up the arse does quite well too, although you're still picking dried shit out of the pad linings for months afterwards.
I play jazz, and once you've got a good rhythm section you cling onto them, because they're more precious than diamonds.
Keep enjoying playing!
Submitted by UrfTheWog (user info) at 2004-09-01 16:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Mifuyne, all musicians "sucked" at some point. I still make a few mistakes now and then as most musicians do. The problem relly is with seeing a band that has a member that really shouldn't be there. I know I was one of them at one point early on - and I also admitted that I sucked. The problem is that when you become somewhat accomplished you become more critical of other musicians. You can't help it - it just happens. The best way not to be "sucky" is to invest some time and practice and learn all types of material with different styles - anything you like to listen to. It will greatly improve anything you want to play in the future.
lrw - we always interact with the audience. All you have to so is lose a $200+ pedal and you'll quickly realize why the Invisible Shield is so important.
Submitted by Mifuyne (user info) at 2004-09-01 16:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I haven't been in the band and I think I may be one of the many sucky bass players out there...at least I have the guts to admit it (I'm not saying you suck Urf. Just pointing out that there are a lot of people that have delusions of grandeur).
Do women really think bass players suck? I don't. In fact I started playing the bass because I love the way it sounds. I don't think I can say a piece of music has life if there's no bass. That might sound bias, but it is my opinion (I'm dying to get a set of speakers with a subwoofer...).
If there's a rock band that don't use actual people to play the drums, bass or guitar. Let me know so I can avoid them with a 10 feet pole. I would not respect nor listen to a rock band that call themselves a rock band when they are using a synthesizer for those three instruments...
Submitted by Dr. Stevenson <dr.stevenson.at.drop.the.bass> at 2004-09-01 14:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Bass players are too replacable, just as drummers are. And the ones you plug in will NEVER miss a beat.
I think the original critic meant bass players are replaceable in that most do totally suck and therefore are easily replaced. It is very hard to find a good bass player. Machines are better.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"INTERACTING" is one thing..... but getting on stage, or grabbing a mic.... or tripping over gear, or any of the other horrible things mentioned in these posts, is TOTALLY different!
I love interacting but UNLESS YOU ARE A MEMBER STAY THE FUCK OFF THE STAGE is my motto
Submitted by lrw (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
interesting...from my extensive experience with bands i've always known them to love interacting with people... not having their equipment broken of course, but every band i've ever played with/toured with has fed off the crowd interaction. oh well.
Submitted by UrfTheWog (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Adamdidit2u,
1. I'm not going to say how important a bass player is to a band - others have said it and most people who enjoy live music realize the worth of this position. The bass players position is one that has to marry all the instruments to produce a sound that's cohesive. When bass players make big mistakes - you HEAR them. It's the one instrument besides drums that's consistently heard and FELT. I used to play guitar for years but am much more of a natural at playing bass, enjoy it immensly, and wouldn't give it up to be a guitarist. It may seem easy but there are a lot of crappy bass players out there. I'm definately not one of them.
2. I've been in "sucky" bands. The one I'm in now is FAR from it. We've only been playing out since march and we're already on the rotation for the best clubs in CT.
3. As far as a job I have one - I own my own business intelligence consulting company - which based on your posting - I doubt you could even grasp the basics of what it takes to do that type of job.
RideJohnnyRide - GOOD POINT - I think that might be the exception - but then your inheriently inviting people on stage which is a bit different.
Other than that - ALL HAIL FREEDOM OF SPEACH!!!
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
All ass-sucking bass haters aside:
Nice post! Thanks for not mentioning it was your first!!!eleven!!
You put a name (invisible shield) to an object that is the most essential part of any good bar band. I once had a guy try to sing a song with the band, and the fuck actually BROUGHT HIS OWN MIC to the fucking bar.
I've also watched my drummer get up in mid-song, beat the shit out of some drunk who SHOVED his girlfriend out of the way at the bar, get back onstage and pick up the beat in the same measure, like nothing had even happened.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:47:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My boyfriend is a guitarist in a local band out here... at a show last weekend in Ventura, some guy came up real close to him and was just having a great time... completely harmless... then he licked the neck of my boyfriends guitar. Repeatedly. Very, very strange.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:37:18 (#)
Ranking: 1
Invisible sheild? You obviously dont play in a punk band :)
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HAHAHAHAHA.... don't they put you guys in cages ??
Submitted by RideJohnnyRide (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Invisible sheild? You obviously dont play in a punk band :)
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The guy who thinks bass players are unimportant is a fucking tool and a half.... Been doing this for a loooooooooooong time and even FINDING a bass player is tough enough.... nevermind a good one.
Kids want to be guitar heros or front men..... not bass players,except for the goth kids...they seem to like playing bass.
I LOVED THE INVISIBLE shield thing... soooooooooo fucking true!
And YES... a 10.2 pound Les Paul mahogany to the face would suck...!
+2 for musicians/bar rats!!
Submitted by Holoman (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:26:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's so hard to find a good bass player... I've been considering becoming the bass player/ lead singer of my band instead of the "rhythym" guitar/ lead singer. We'd have to have a hella good rhythym guitarist who can sing though. Background vocals kick ass!
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you have any links to mp3s of original material. You can put a link here. http://www.ubersite.com/m/39134
Submitted by dicquellis (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:09:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-09-01 12:48:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
I Had to give you a -2 because...
1.) You play the bass, your almost not in the band and are soooooooo freaking replaceable. You are allowed to come to the after parties only because the band always needs a Designated Driver.
G-E-T A J-O-B
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Sorry to inform you but the bass players get as much, if not more ass than any other member. They play the best fucking instrument by far - makes a song a song - called the rhythm section bitch. Makes all the girls shake their asses.
You, my friend, have clearly never fucking been around or in a real band. Enjoy that job you fucking tight ass... Call me at 8:30 in the morning 10 years from now and let me know how everything is behind that white picket fence and boring marriage you're stuck in. Maybe I can come give your brat of a kid a lesson or two so he can never become the button down fuck his dad always was.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:08:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not only do they think that bass players are unimportant, but apparently easily replaceable. About the only thing harder to find than a good bass player is a good accordion player.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-01 13:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-09-01 12:48:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
I Had to give you a -2 because...
1.) You play the bass, your almost not in the band and are soooooooo freaking replaceable. You are allowed to come to the after parties only because the band always needs a Designated Driver.
2.) You mentioned you "10.5 pound swamp ash..." like 10000 times. News flash! No one cares what the bass player for a sucky band in CT plays.
G-E-T A J-O-B
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Holy shit man...you did not just insult bassists did you? Wow, I would have never thought in a million years that anyone would insult a bass player...This is where my eyes roll. It's hilarious how many people think bass is unnecessary. And it's always the people that know jack shit about music that make this assumption. You're a dumbass.
Submitted by Holoman (user info) at 2004-09-01 13:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-09-01 12:48:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
I Had to give you a -2 because...
1.) You play the bass, your almost not in the band and are soooooooo freaking replaceable. You are allowed to come to the after parties only because the band always needs a Designated Driver.
2.) You mentioned you "10.5 pound swamp ash..." like 10000 times. News flash! No one cares what the bass player for a sucky band in CT plays.
G-E-T A J-O-B
It's obvious that you're either A) a guy who doesn't know shit about ROCK! or B) a woman. If you're a woman this offense is forgivable but if you're a dude, I'm afraid I'm going to have to escort you to get castrated. The bass player in a band is hella important, he's gotta keep the beat with the drummer (and sometimes play a little lead). We have a suck ass bass player, as I've mentioned in my Idiots page. Anyways, you're a fucking bitch.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-01 12:56:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a friend that owns a sound production company that provides the systems for local bands He frequently asks me and a few other guys to tag along on the bigger shows because he needs help lugging all the speakers around. After the speakers are set up, my job then becomes security guard for the equipment. You would be surprised how many drunken retards decide to climb up onto an 8' tall stack, fall onto the mixers, or decide to become a member of the band.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-01 12:49:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Try an 11lb Les Paul Custom to the face...or plugging their face into a hot 6l6/El34 tube!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-09-01 12:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I Had to give you a -2 because...
1.) You play the bass, your almost not in the band and are soooooooo freaking replaceable. You are allowed to come to the after parties only because the band always needs a Designated Driver.
2.) You mentioned you "10.5 pound swamp ash..." like 10000 times. News flash! No one cares what the bass player for a sucky band in CT plays.
G-E-T A J-O-B