Shipping by FedEx? Try not being an idiot. (1821 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.17 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by YellowDragon (View user info) at 2004-09-01 16:45:43 EDT
I recently landed a job at FedEx Ground just to pass the time until I get on with the rest of my life. As Morgan Freeman pointed out in "Bruce Almighty," there's something cleansing about manual labor. It just makes one feel good about oneself. But mopping a floor or lifting bricks or moving furniture isn't quite as dependent on the cooperation and common sense of strangers as handling packages.
Let me explain: for me to do my job well, three things which I cannot control have to be in decent working order: the condition of the sorting machine, the packing of the truck, and the condition of the boxes. The first two are taken care of by professionals who do their jobs well, because they know that if they don't, it's their ass. The third element, however, is a crap shoot.
The condition of the boxes is, to the greatest degree, dependent on the person who packed them. Most of the boxes are prepared by professionals in corporations, i.e. warehousemen and the like. But sometimes we get a box done up by some yutz who's selling his children's used Pokemon paraphernalia on eBay, and he couldn't give a rat's ass whether it's in there securely or not.
I tell you, after handling (and spilling) a few of these packages, one wonders whether it's really worth it. So here's a few tips to keep me from busting your head open, or at least fantasizing about it.
~ Tape the box down. It's that simple. Is it secure enough? Well, here's a test: hold the box at head level or higher. Drop it. If the tape comes undone, start over, Jack.
~ No amount of packing material is too much, and the further you read, the clearer this will become.
~ Use reinforced tape. Don't get that paper-with-string-in-it crap, and don't be afraid to spend a little on an actual brand name of tape. It'll save you and everyone else a whole lot of headaches.
~ If you actually care about how your package gets handled, use a new box. They don't cost that much; don't be afraid to splurge. By the time we get the packages on the receiving end, even new boxes are a little squishy. Old cardboard gets really mushy and slippery. Read: old cardboard gets dropped.
~ If you're shipping something small and heavy like, say, a box of lead sinkers, wrap the whole box in tape. Make sure that nothing but nothing can get out of there. Also, consider using box staples AND tape. It could make the difference when a tired package handler just chucks it onto the sorting belt.
~ For maximum, bulletproof protection, use the above tips AND put those plastic straps on the box. Handlers LOVE plastic straps, just make sure they're tight and won't slide off.
~ If the box has a lid, for the love of everything holy TAPE IT DOWN. True story: some idiot was shipping three boxes of hose clamps, probably five hundred to a box, in cardboard boxes with full-length lids (the ones that cover the whole box). I picked one up, and the lid stayed in my hands while this heavy-ass box fell to the ground. Blam, five hundred hose clamps on the floor. Not a minute later, the other package handler unloading the trailer did the same thing. A thousand hose clamps. Tape the damn box.
~ Nobody cares how fragile your box is. They're all fragile. Don't depend on anyone but yourself to "handle with care." Think about the test in the first tip, and if that scares you, you didn't pack the box well enough. Nobody gives a shit how fragile your package is, it's going to get crushed, kicked, jostled, and dropped regardless. I've seen a guy pick up a package with a U.S. Department of Transportation "Hazardous Material: Corrosive" sticker on it and *throw it* out of the trailer onto a concrete floor. Nobody cares. If your box says "fragile," I hope it's more solid than your feelings, because Great Grandma's china is going for a ride.
~ If you want your package to not get thrown around, get one that says "Reciever: REJECT IF DAMAGED," or something of that ilk. You can bet that we'll pay attention to that, because hell, we don't want to touch the same package twice.
~ If your box ABSOLUTELY has to be babied, tape it, wrap it in cellophane, and run a heat gun or blow drier over it before you slap the label on. Shrink-wrapped packages can't go through the sorter, and have to be handled by hand.
~ Write the address on the box with a sharpie or use one of the industrial-strength labels available from FedEx. You wouldn't believe the number of dumbasses who pencil the address on a piece of paper and then tape the edges of the paper onto the box. Yeah, most people use pen or sharpie, but I've seen the remains of at least one pencil-job. Wasn't pretty.
That's about all I can think of right now. If you ship something to St. Louis by FedEx ground, there's about a one-in-ten chance I'll handle it. Basically, all it takes is common sense and the realization of a few principles: all boxes say 'fragile,' all boxes get abused, and handlers need to be able to pick up your box. Good luck, and happy shipping.
Regards,
YellowDragon
User Reviews
Submitted by YellowDragon (user info) at 2004-09-02 09:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, just this morning I saw something funny at work. It was a huge-ass box that said
"FRAGILE!!! Airplane winshield and/or windows inside. Handle with care!"
Am I the only one who finds that more than a little disconcerting? I mean, shouldn't those things be damn near indestructible?
Oh yeah, and another tip I forgot: whatever you write on the package, it won't make it go through the sorter any faster. It may give the handlers a good laugh, though. For instance, I once saw a package from China with "Rush! Rush! Hurry! Hurry! Must get there!" printed on it. I laughed for the rest of the night.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2004-09-02 02:36:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-09-01 23:49:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good shit.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2004-09-01 22:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My brother-in-law works for Brown. We get shit from that at Christmas that we have to open with a blow torch. Then when we do get it open, the damn thing explodes with those pink Styrofoam peanut things. He likes the people who bitch about how much it costs to ship some huge ass box of dumbbells or something.
Submitted by YellowDragon (user info) at 2004-09-01 17:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah sublime, you're right on that. But they're getting better, what with FedEx Home Delivery just getting off the ground. Also, you're right about the founder's professor failing his idea, but it was more because his idea included shipping all packages through a central hub (somewhere in tennessee, I think).
Didn't know that bit about Vegas, though. Very cool.
YD
Submitted by Judoka (user info) at 2004-09-01 17:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
long time no see
Submitted by ninjacoastie (user info) at 2004-09-01 17:24:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah I used to work for UPS, I worked in those recieving centers out of Tampa, and honestly, if a box of cigars broke open, everyone from management stupid ass, to Union grunt would be smoking that night, as for unions, the are nothing but a unnessary parisite from the days when companies really were deadly to work for, but since im educated and can whip my own ass,screw 'um, i can represent myself.
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-09-01 17:16:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fed ex doesn't give a fuck about residentials, they take a loss on that.
They make money on volume at one place, because its roughly the same amount of work to ship one package to one place as it is 7, and it costs the same, but they charge per package, thats how they make their money.
An interesting fact, the owner/founder of fed ex, when he submitted the idea of fedex to his professor, he failed him because overnight shipping would never work as a business.
Another, to make payroll in their first year, he had to go to vegas and win 200,000 or else the company would have gone under. On their checks it said, do not cash until thursday, because he was trying to gamble money to be able to pay their checks.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-09-01 17:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ignore my spelling mistakes too.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-09-01 17:14:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you still get a +1 out of me despiste you stupidity since i did like you post but one thing you might want to consider......SARCASM.
Reread my reply and you might see my sarcasm. Shit, I don't even send packages by any service.
Submitted by ASSMAN (user info) at 2004-09-01 17:10:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yup my business is all about packing and shipping. We are a UPS customer counter *sorry* we have daily pick up. Proud to say only one thing I packed ever came up damanged and that was one of the first things I shipped. Yeah don't be afraid to buy new boxes they are cheap. Bubblewrap is also cheap shit that will save your item 10 times out of 12. If you don't want to use packing peanuts use news paper.
Nice post.
Submitted by will72 (user info) at 2004-09-01 17:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i feel like im privied on the inside scoop on one of America's biggest corporate secrets. i also blow at spelling.
Submitted by YellowDragon (user info) at 2004-09-01 17:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-09-01 16:53:17 (#)
Ranking: 1
That is why I don't use you fuckers at fed-ex. That and that horrible commercial starring tom hanks. I ship UPS - I bet their employees treat my packages with the utmost care.
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Think again, hot shit. Your box is going to get kicked around no matter who you ship with. FedEx shippers actually have incentive to treat your packages with care. Observe:
-UPS is unionized. There are forty-year olds who think they're entitled to a job that an eighteen year old can pick up in ten minutes. They couldn't get fired if they wanted to, no matter how badly they treat the boxes.
-FedEx is about advancement. If you throw packages for more than a three years, there's something wrong. FedEx's Pickup & Delivery (the guys who drive the trucks) is not company-owned, they're private contractors, most of whom are former handlers.
That wasn't meant to be a commercial, just a statement of fact. Plus, you seem to be exactly the type of person I'm writing to. You think that just because I admit that your package will see its fair share of bumps and bruises, that shipping by UPS will somehow magically proclude all damage. Just tape it down, use a good box, and put lots of packing peanuts around what you want protected. It's not like anyone's trying to break anything, it just that, well, shit happens.
Submitted by Jimmy (user info) at 2004-09-01 17:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
do you look like doug from king of queens hmmm?
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-09-01 16:53:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
That is why I don't use you fuckers at fed-ex. That and that horrible commercial starring tom hanks. I ship UPS - I bet their employees treat my packages with the utmost care.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-01 16:51:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Adventures in common sense.
Good advice for idiots though.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-09-01 16:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
neat-o