Friday Funnies (550 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.64 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Midnight_Laydee (View user info) at 2004-09-03 11:46:09 EDT
These definately won't all make you laugh, but if just one raises a smile to your face and induces at least a slight feeling of happiness, for just a second, I'll be happy.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Two peanuts walk into a bar One was a salted.
A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Did you hear about that guy who drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.
Two fish are in a tank One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"
Two New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead, what can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK now what?".
Monica Lewinsky goes to the dry cleaners to get a dress cleaned. She says to the man behind the counter, "I need my dress dry cleaned." He is hard of hearing, so he says to her "Come again?" And she says, "No, mustard."
Two men are sitting at a bar. One starts to insult the other. He screams: "I slept with your mother!". The bar goes quiet while everyone listens to what the other man will say. The first yells out again "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says: "Go home Dad, you're drunk."
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
And now for my favourite joke of the post!:
A woman is shopping in the local supermarket. She selects some milk, eggs, a carton of juice, and a package of bacon. As she unloads her items at the cash register to pay, a drunk standing behind her in line watches her place the four items on the belt and states with assurance, "You must be single." The woman looks at the four items on the belt, and seeing nothing unusual about her selection says, "That's right. How on earth did you know." He replies, "Because you're ugly.
Have a good weekend everyone!
User Reviews
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-09-07 11:04:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-09-03 12:30:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay, I chuckled a bit.
Submitted by shadowdragon (user info) at 2004-09-03 12:24:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm keeping the one about the Chinese kid.
Why would two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar??
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-03 12:24:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wakka wakka wakka.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2004-09-03 12:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not terribly funny, have heard most of them before...but, Good enough to help me through my Friday
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-09-03 12:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Those are not that bad.
A good Friday post.
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-09-03 11:57:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin
that was good. it should of bin somthing like chin ying bow
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-03 11:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hehehehehe
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-09-03 11:54:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Chucka Chucka.
Submitted by bcwoods26 (user info) at 2004-09-03 11:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-03 11:47:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Apparently, you omitted the funny parts.