Try and abduct me, will you?? (637 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.5 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Butterball (View user info) at 2004-09-03 13:08:24 EDT
Sitting here at my computer at 4 in the morning, I am listening to a couple of cats, a dog, two beavers, and a raccoon fight outside my window. It reminds me of a funny little thing that happened to me the other day while I was camping.
First off, let me say that I prefer civilization over rolling around in the dirt (camping) any day of the week. So, as a compromise, I will only allow my family to drag me to a campground that is by a fairly large city, so I can always get my weekly dose of McDonalds and Wal-Mart.
Anyways, things were going good just a few miles outside of St. Paul. Sure, there were bright lights in the distance, and you could hear a freeway a couple miles off, but it was all part of the wilderness camping experience.
Our campsite was situated in a little cluster of trees, so we were blocked off from the other campers, and had a decent amount of privacy. We were all playing a lovely game of cards at our chained-into-the-ground-so-no-homeless-people-steal-it picnic table, listening to all of the aforementioned natural sounds, when BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM, we heard gunshots off in the distance, maybe 3 miles away.
Now, from growing up in rather large cities my whole life, I always learned that gunshots meant large thugs shooting eachother. Having almost been caught in a gunfight when I was 14, the shots troubled me.
15 minutes later, just as I was starting to forget about the gunshots and get back into the game of cards, we heard some rustling and 2 large black men burst into our little clearing holding pistols.
Panting, and obviously out of breath, one turned to the other and said "Fuckin' bitch had it comin', yo". And the other replied, "Yeah, the muthafucka did".
Seeming to notice us for the first time, they pointed their guns at us. "Don't tell no one 'bout nothin'!"
I spoke up, "And if we do, bitch?"
As he was staring at me with his mouth open, I gathered my powers and sent a call to all the animals of the surrounding area. All I got was a raccoon, a couple dogs from the campsite, a snake, and a muskrat. So, I unleashed my super animal powers onto the two black men.
"Oh no you don't", the first man said, losing the ghetto accent.
With that, his body opened up and a large creature jumped out. He pressed a button on his watch and said, "I am an alien. Do not dare fight me, for I will call in my spaceship and blow you up with lasers".
Well, that bitch was just asking for it. So, I shoulder tackled him into a tree trunk. Apparently aliens aren't very strong. As me and my animal friends were beating his head into a pulp, his spaceship appeared and shot me with their tractor beam and brought me into space. They did all sorts of weird ass experiments on me, and succeeded in taking away all of my powers. Just so that I can't show anyone else. The bastards.
But, apparently there is some alien code of conduct for not killing people.
So I killed them all and took their ship
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-03 13:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This started off nicely but went downhill quick. I loathe science fction.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-09-03 13:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oy-Fuckin-Vey!