Is it wrong to like oil? (900 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: ocd
Rating: 1.56 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2004-09-03 13:18:15 EDT
I'm a slob. And I don't cook.
I have my computer set up on my dining room table. I have everything arranged around my computer- an ashtray (actually, it's just a red plastic cup with water in it- you see, I quit smoking a few months ago and threw away my ashtrays... so now that I'm smoking again I just use these cups), a coffee cup (I always drink coffee at my computer, and I always leave the cup), cigarettes, a bag of chips, a photo album, nail polish... etc...
Whenever something makes it to the computer area- it stays.
The other day I was eating Zatar. I eat zatar a lot, because it's cheap, good, and no cooking is involved.
The way you eat Zatar (thyme): You pour a pile of it on a plate (it's a spice), and pour olive oil on it, then you use flat-bread to scoop it up to eat. For some reason I hate wasting things, so with all condiments, I never use enough.
If I'm eating fries, I pour ketchup on the side... but NEVER ENOUGH. I hate using too much and having left over ketchup. Same with olive oil. I never pour enough on the zatar, and I ALWAYS have to go back into the kitchen and get more.
Well the other day I thought ahead. I brought the olive oil to the computer area with me, pouring it on as needed.
Of course I left it there when I was done.
The other day my boss stopped by. My apartment was pretty clean- well, as clean as it ever gets. He walks in, talking about numbers and budgets and this and that and blah blah bl-.
He stops mid-sentence.
I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying, and his pause put me on alert. Did he ask me a question? Did I do something weird? He was looking at something. I followed his gaze...
The olive oil.
Right next to the computer.
There was a towel draped over the back of the chair.
I stood there, staring at this questionable menagerie- knowing exactly what he was thinking, and not knowing how to explain it without it seeming as if I were making up excuses for some lewed sexual behavior.
I gave him a furtive look, and as it was as I had expected; he was staring at me. His face- drawn and white, "Uh." he said.
"Oh well, ah, um... you see I was eating Zatar (it's this spice) and you see... you put olive oil on it.. and. well then the shower- my hair- towel... uh. I like to write." I stopped talking, trying to grasp my words and re-arrange them. "I like to write". I said again.
"Uh," he said again. "You write?"
"Yeah," relief washed over me. He seemed to understand that I used my computer for literary (har har) purposes and not porn purposes.
He slowly raised his eyebrows, creating wrinkled valleys on his forehead, "Softcore or hardcore?"
Oh God.
User Reviews
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-10-04 17:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"'Oh well, ah, um... you see I was eating Zatar (it's this spice) and you see... you put olive oil on it.. and. well then the shower- my hair- towel... uh. I like to write.' I stopped talking, trying to grasp my words and re-arrange them. 'I like to write'. I said again."
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2004-09-18 15:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OCD deal with a lot of things. I have mild OCD about hand washing. I wash them at least 20 times a day. I have to take a box of handiwipes out with me when I work on my truck.
I hate having dirty hands.
Submitted by MoonStone (user info) at 2004-09-18 15:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2004-09-18 15:13:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by blingshizzle (user info) at 2004-09-18 14:59:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we are a match made in heaven. My apartment, that I have been moved into for about 5 months now, is still not entirely furnished, as in no couch. I have never had anyone over for fear of their discovery of remnants of various fast food packaging which litters the living room and kitchen areas. It takes me about a day to clean maybe two rooms to my satisfaction, yet somehow it never seems clean. And despite the fact that I can cook well, I never do.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-06 19:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Shandy... fortunatly I never "need" oil type things. I have a gift of sorts.
Is that OCD, Dolce? I figured OCD was only in regards to shut shut shut shutting a door or something along those lines. I'm also a bit particular about my food touching (unless of course, it's MEANT to touch).
This is a problem when we have big family pot-luck type things... so much good food, and it proves to be difficult to arrange very much food on a plate when you're trying to keep it from touching. Gravy is expecially problematic.
Submitted by DolceCantabile18 (user info) at 2004-09-06 19:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I too suffer from ketchup dilemmas... I will lick my plate before I leave left over ketchup on it. DAMN YOU OCD!!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-09-06 19:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i've had a couple of close calls with the olive oil bottle recently
but tell me, DO you actually use it for special purposes?
your guilty manner suggests you might.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-03 19:04:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd probably have to committ hari kari (Or Harry Carey) if I had to set my computer up on a dining room table.
Hell, in this house, I have seperate rooms just to beat off.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-03 18:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
pretty good stuff. I always end up with a million juice glasses at my desk
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-03 18:02:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by legallady (user info) at 2004-09-03 17:11:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good story. Our dining room table never sees a meal.
Always full of mail, books and mags.
Submitted by Herpes (user info) at 2004-09-03 16:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-09-03 16:03:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought you were a girl, for some reason. OH well. Your boss is fucking sick though for thinking you'd m-bate w/ olive oil.
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THIS cracked me up.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-03 16:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2004-09-03 16:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hah. Had a similar thing with the tub of vaseline next to my bed.
Filthy: "Uh...it's for my lips."
Visitor: "Which ones?"
For some reason, I tried to diffuse the embarrasment by winking. This would have been more effective, I believe, if I could actually wink. It came out more like a severe facial spasm.
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2004-09-03 16:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty good.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-09-03 16:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought you were a girl, for some reason. OH well. Your boss is fucking sick though for thinking you'd m-bate w/ olive oil.
Submitted by papacooche (user info) at 2004-09-03 15:54:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ahhahha.... put that shit away...
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-09-03 15:32:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hah!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, there are a lot of good posts here today, and this is one of them.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:30:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by nndraa (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:23:52 (#)
Ranking: 1
Your work station sounds a lot like mine. Here's a tip: Make an ashtray using aluminum foil. Once you are done with it and it's full, you can just scrunch it up and toss it. Those red cups are evil and I have the carpet stains to prove it.
***
Oh god, I know it's a precarious situation with this red cup. The other day I was cleaning my bathroom, and I smelt some god-awful smell... I ran about my apartment, sniffing like the beagles at the airport. I couldn't locate the source.
I even went as far as to step outside (in my skanty pajamas) to sniff the air.
Turns out my cup was out of water, and I had burned the side.
It stank.
Submitted by jlbinct (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:25:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was pretty damn funny
Submitted by nndraa (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Your work station sounds a lot like mine. Here's a tip: Make an ashtray using aluminum foil. Once you are done with it and it's full, you can just scrunch it up and toss it. Those red cups are evil and I have the carpet stains to prove it.
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
HA!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:14:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul- you were going to say something, but changed your mind?
****
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:04:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
You could have just said that you use the oil to tan. That wouldn't work well if you're pasty-white though.
****
I'm very pasty. 50% Irish
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You could have just said that you use the oil to tan. That wouldn't work well if you're pasty-white though.
Submitted by MisterCeltic (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wingfoot (user info) at 2004-09-03 13:50:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The ending made it funny, not that funny though
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-03 13:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad...nothing to write home about...
Get it? Write home?
Neither did I.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-03 13:24:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha! Took a while to get there, but the payoff was well worth it.
Submitted by UrfTheWog (user info) at 2004-09-03 13:24:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-09-03 13:21:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God, this is so funny.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-09-03 13:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for ALMOST being a story about rubbin one out with oil....
...ALMOST DAMMIT!!