training vs. illness (460 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.62 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by screaney (View user info) at 2004-09-03 14:28:32 EDT
for some odd reason i am sick today - physically and physiologically sick. every other day of my life i am mentally ill and psychologically sick; but today is different. it doesn't feel good today.
where i usually wake up with the sick neurotic desire to pummel small children and molest their inviolate parents, today i find myself vacant of any such fantasies. what lingers instead is a soreness in my throat and a dizziness in my head. enter: Group A Streptococci Infections. aka. strep throat.
i really detest this condition as it really puts a damper on my day to day psychotic anomalies. its a real pain to drink that freshly squeezed orange juice i stole from safeway this morning. have you ever swallowed shards of pyrite before? there's an uncanny resemblance between the two. ugh. i just know i'm not going to have enough energy this afternoon at 2:15 to rampantly terrorize all the middle-aged housewives shopping at safeway as a i cavort around in my underpants hollering that "bananas are on special today ladies"! while rubbing myself with canola oil from aisle 7. oh, that reminds me, i have to snoop through mr. golkar's garbage can, and extrapolate how many times he's ejaculated with his daughter this week by getting a count on his used profilactics; all this before the collector comes by around 10:30.
today is just not my day. and then it hit me. i know why i finally became sick after 11 halcyon months of good health and prosperity....all because i lapsed in my training.
let me expound. i train often, almost everyday. and make that twice a day, everyday. the training that i do is fairly rigorous and involves a bit of heavy weight lifting and a lot mental foreplay with young girls on treadmills in a gym. don't get me wrong, i go to the gym too, to train. but i will picture myself touching the girls that are there, with their sweet, sweaty lycra pants, inches away from my sodomizing tongue, watching their plump buttocks bounce back and forth in unison with beethoven's 5th symphony playing in my mind. on the off occasion i may even fantasize about stroking the incipeint muscles of middle-school boys as these guys all stand around the dumbells wishing to frolic with each other's penis. rarely, i will get the inkling desire to shove a barbell up a gym advisor's ass after he or she has admonished me on the proper way to squat 365 lbs. as though i didn't have the foggiest idea of how to do it myself.
but all fantasy aside, i must admit that i 'forgot to' or didn't train a couple of days ago. instead, i bought this radical game for play station 2 called way of the samurai: 2. i won't bore you with the details, but 9 hours into the game, i felt a little languished. then my buddies and i went to see this movie called 'hero', where this psycho can block a barrage of about 10,000 arrows with his sword, dance on water like jesus, and deceive the king of Qin by pretending to be tough. ah hell!
so, i'm sick and i owe it all to my lack of training and this bloody video game. gawd damnit!!!! where's my amoxicyllin??!?!??!?!?!?
User Reviews
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-09-03 17:17:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmmm... i suppose those ones were supposed to add eh?
Submitted by Gnome (user info) at 2004-09-03 17:17:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for the story
+1 for the NIN reference below.
Submitted by lucid (user info) at 2004-09-03 15:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Vigorous excercise increases susceptiblity to viral infection.
Submitted by YellowDragon (user info) at 2004-09-03 15:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Step 1) Draw Samurai sword.
Step 2) Open mouth
Step 3) Remove tonsils, the REAL man's way.
Submitted by bcwoods26 (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kind of weird that as I was reading this, NIN Something I can never have came on Music Match and it fit perfectly.
Submitted by screaney (user info) at 2004-09-03 14:48:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm just (be)rating myself.....