Childhood Memories: An Incredible Ride With My Six Year Old Cousin, David. (8503 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.38 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by harmlessness (View user info) at 2004-09-03 21:48:42 EDT
My cousin, David, is a sadist.
On his sixth birthday, I was twelve years old. He has always been a
small kid, standing a mere 3'8" at the age of ten. He's also very
skinny. He's an incredibly smart kid, though, and he can name the
make of any car just by looking at the key.
This love for cars may eventually lead to his (or my) demise. It almost did
on one fateful day...
[insert dreamy music here]
It was David's sixth birthday, and one of the things I picked out for
him was a Power Wheels Corvette. If you don't know what a Power
Wheels is, I pity you. It's a miniature version of a car, powered by
its own special battery. It's usually made from about 90% plastic.
After I opened the box, charged the battery, and assembled the car for
him, he decided that he wanted to take me for a spin in it. This is
where the problem arose. These Power Wheels vehicles are made to seat
a maximum of two kids under 100 lbs. I was a tender 115 lbs then, and
he was about 80. I was still too big to fit in next to him.
Thus, I was forced to sit on the back while he careened around turns,
climbed steep hills, and slalomed around people congregating in the
driveway.
I'd like to remember this experience as fun, but the truth is that it
was one of the most painful, terrifying things I have ever
experienced.
As he drove towards a holly tree, I saw him getting ready to turn. As
luck would have it, the mailbox was placed about three feet away from
the edge of the street-- right next to the holly tree.
As he turned, the mailbox came into view and the realization set in.
Either he turned, or he was going to hit the mailbox. He turned.
Unfortunately, he turned to the right, aiming us directly at the holly
tree. By the time we passed the mailbox, he was already working on
counter steering to avoid hitting the tree.
Apparently, the nice people at Power Wheels didn't anticipate someone
riding on the back. There were no handles to hold onto. My fingers
were dug deep into the bucket where my little cousin was seated. When
he steered to the right, I started to lose my grip. The sudden change
in direction caused me to lose even more of my grip.
In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I lost ALL of my grip.
Inertia kept me moving straight for the holly tree, and friction kept
the car moving away. The result? A 12 year old boy being flung
through the prickly leaves of the holly tree and directly into the
prickly trunk.
I crumpled to the ground in a mass of unconscious, bleeding preteen.
I woke up seconds later to hear the sound of a fast-moving Power
Wheels Corvette with a screaming, whooping, and hollering 6 year old
sadist riding shotgun coming towards me.
I shook my eyes open and searched for the source of the sound.
*CRU-CRUNCH*
I watched as the left side of the car hopped over my ankle, first the front popping up, then the rear.
My screams drowned out the sound of my ankle fracturing in seven places.
Needless to say, the blowout pretty much ended right there.
To this day, I still refuse to go anywhere near my cousin if he has
anything under his control that can hurt me.
User Reviews
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-06 19:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/40455 - Lindsay Lohan completely fucking naked!
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-09-06 01:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Power Wheels! I had a big blue truck. They were cool as shit. I rode that thing around until I was too big for it to go anymore.
I wanted you to know that I really appreciate the comment you made on my last post. I wouldn't normally do this, but I poured a lot of myself into it and it really hurt that out of the 3 people to comment on it you were the only one with anything nice to say. It was my own dumb fault for posting it on a friday night. I'll stop being a whiny girl now. Thanks again. You made me smile.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-09-04 21:28:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have to contend that my post is better. Although you can feel free to read it and debate why it isn't.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44022
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-04 21:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-04 06:25:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww fetish, shot a blank, did ya?
You're pretty used to that by now, though, ehh?
I wish your -2 gun didn't jam whenever you load that 'special' -2 into it.
---
Nothing wrong with shooting blanks, your mom doesn't want any more kids.
Submitted by skatergrl (user info) at 2004-09-04 20:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is a real JOKE
its about time you take down that site you did of me loser
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-09-04 19:02:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm. Watch out for the child when it gets its driver's license.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-09-04 15:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
haha you got an ass kicking from a kid half your age!
I mean....that's too bad.....
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-04 14:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-04 06:25:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww fetish, shot a blank, did ya?
You're pretty used to that by now, though, ehh?
I wish your -2 gun didn't jam whenever you load that 'special' -2 into it.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-04 06:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Notice how I'm not the only to -2, so don't cry about this one.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-04 03:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GIVE SULLY YOUR PASSWORD YOU FUCKING CUMFUNNEL.
Submitted by Nancy (user info) at 2004-09-04 02:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hey sToned... YOU"RE MOM lmao
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-09-04 02:07:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-04 01:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
who doesn't?
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-04 01:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I WISH U WERE DED.
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-09-04 00:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh, just meh. In fact, it sucked.
Submitted by Nancy (user info) at 2004-09-04 00:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
uve called me a slore so many timse ur sucha fag lol. i'm gonna schooool ya 2morro just u wait. my post will pown yours :P
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-03 23:55:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OY FUCK YOU YOU DRUNK BASTSRD
BA@
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-03 23:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Average.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-03 23:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
slore
Submitted by Nancy (user info) at 2004-09-03 23:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HAHAH u fucking idoit those were just jokes!! I'm gooing to post tomorrow and it will be soooooo much better than this HA!
Submitted by AvrilLaPete (user info) at 2004-09-03 23:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do have aim, but not at work. My sn is avrillapete, so if you ever catch me on, or if I see you on, I'll holla. (look I'm ghetto.)
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-03 23:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Better than anything you've ever written, slore.
Submitted by Nancy (user info) at 2004-09-03 23:12:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SToned this si horrible for real. u suck.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-03 23:08:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nancy - FUCK YOU SLORE!
Tracy - I'd like to see you write better, especially in 10 minutes.
Submitted by Nancy (user info) at 2004-09-03 23:03:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ur retarded
Submitted by skatergrl (user info) at 2004-09-03 22:52:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now seriously Stoned, this isn't a very good post
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-03 22:32:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Right, do you have AIM?
if you do, IM me on harmlessness, I wanna talk to you and not get my post heated at the same time.
Submitted by AvrilLaPete (user info) at 2004-09-03 22:29:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Agreed. I make a shitty post, give me a -2. I make good post, rate it. I'll do the same for you. I'm done with stupid pointless posts though, I'm makin' a point to make some actual posts. No more BS posts.
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-03 22:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Avril:
Sounds like a deal.
I do apologize for assuming that ChickenTaco and the others were you.
Write good posts, and I'll rate them well.
I hold no grudges against anyone (sans for fetish.)
Submitted by AvrilLaPete (user info) at 2004-09-03 22:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whatcha talking about stoned? I didn't say anything! Besides this post was funny, it reminds me when my friend was riding his little brothers powerwheels, and he flipped it, the battery fell out, hit him in the face and gave him a black eye. He told everyone some random guy came up and punched him. Everyone believed it. Good times.
You wanna call a truce? I keep writing my shitty boring posts, and I'll rate your like I see em'. No grudges held. I grow tired of shit posting. I would post good stuff, but at work I hardly get the time. Its my only escape. Yeah.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-09-03 21:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ow
Submitted by StonedSilly (user info) at 2004-09-03 21:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, wow.
I've still got AvrilLaPete up my ass.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-09-03 21:52:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OWNED
Submitted by richbacon (user info) at 2004-09-03 21:50:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
POO POO MY BUTT HAS A PIMPLE WITH YOUR NAME ON IT