The Most Sexualy Offencive post (1159 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 0.83 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Surge <MacDaddySurge.at.Yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-09-04 20:35:45 EDT
This will be the most sexually offensive post I have ever created.
One day I was walking through my lovely neighborhood, when I realized I was in a part that I've never been before. I saw a dark and dreary house on the corner and I decided to knock on the door to give a morning "hello" to the current residents of this lovely household.
Knock Knock. I waited for someone to answer. I figured they didn't hear me so I rang the door bell. A few seconds later a girl answered the door. She looked to be in her preteen years.
"I noticed that you started using capitalization and paragraphed your stories" she said with a cute voice.
"Why yes, because Uber users find it fantastically sexy," I responded.
"I find you fantastically sexy," she said.
I paused for a second to take the situation in.
After my brief pause I looked around and noticed that the girl was gone. I had a peculiar feeling in my 'crotchal' area, and when I looked down there she was sucking on my juicy popsicle like it was a hot summer and she had just got done playing outside. I said "Stop! What are you doing? Where are your parents?"
"Inside," she said "Mom, Dad, Come downstairs!"
A nice decent couple came down the steps and stood right in the doorway. I also noticed that besides the gold, diamond studded, Nazi medallions they had around their necks, they were wearing nothing at all. They told me to come inside, and me being so scared, I did. The house was filled with pictures of their ten-year-old daughter having sex with movie stars, truck drivers, animals, and some imaginative objects I never thought possible. One picture in particular struck me. It was their daughter and a middle-aged mountain lion, very stout, with a shadowy glare in his eyes. They took me into a decent-sized room. It was decorated with chains, whips, and other various sex toys and was filled with pictures of their daughter and them doing everything imaginable. Very offended, I turned to one of them and said, "Are you two sick? How could you do all of this to your daughter?"
The little girl walked up to me and said, "Because im not their daughter." Here eyes started glowing and a flash came out of here ears and she exploded.
"What happened?" I asked
"We don't know, and frankly we don't care. We were getting tired of that little bitch anyway." The 'man' lifted his balls and to me was shown a little surprise. A full-fledged vagina.
Somehow I lost all of the strength in my legs and I fell to my knees. The woman, who was exceptionally good looking I might add, walked up to me. I had a strange urge to lick her lovely genitals which tasted uncommonly good.
The 'man' got angry, pushed her to the side and said "My turn!" He quickly dropped his balls into my mouth and I started tonguing them with great ease. "I never knew a tongue could instill so much goodness into my gonads," he said. He backed away and said, "This is usually the point that we would have killed you, but since you have provided us with so much pleasure, im going to take a shit on your chest and let you go." And he did.
I walked home and took in my experience. I knew that I would have to use this story for something one day, and I finally figured it out . . .
![flathead-wildlife-mountain-lion[1].jpg (21 kB)](http://stuff.ubersite.com/1094344545236882/1/flathead-wildlife-mountain-lion[1].jpg)
User Reviews
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2004-09-04 21:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-09-04 21:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I walk right through the door.
Walk right through the door.
Hey all right! If I get by, it's mine.
Mine all mine!
Submitted by The_Original_Mac_Daddy_Surge (user info) at 2004-09-04 21:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
boo
Submitted by not_the_cheesecake (user info) at 2004-09-04 20:55:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what in the name of all things is going on? I am truely wasted... I need food.
aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Submitted by Biznochizzle (user info) at 2004-09-04 20:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aha! I am using the Internet!
Submitted by The_Original_Mac_Daddy_Surge (user info) at 2004-09-04 20:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
they are
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-09-04 20:42:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I had no idea mountain lions' vaginas were in the middle of their backs.
Submitted by Nancy (user info) at 2004-09-04 20:40:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
EEWEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Submitted by The_Original_Mac_Daddy_Surge (user info) at 2004-09-04 20:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
someone having sex with a mountain lion