Dear Penthouse (861 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.8 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DyingBreed (View user info) at 2004-09-05 11:10:20 EDT
I just managed to catch the last subway home after a long and gruelling day. I was wearing my work duds and soaked with sweat. My jeans started to ride a little high on me as I sat down but I took comfort in the extra warmth.
I thought I was alone until I heard the unmistakable sound of pissing from down at the end of the train. It took me a moment to pinpoint the source, but I soon spotted a gorgeous raven haired vixen casually passing urine, legs fully splayed.
Like a gentlemen, I rose to my feet - pants straining - and crossed the train to offer her my hankerchief, as she clearly didn't have anything to pat down her dripping wedge of heaven.
She didn't say a word, but instead reached for the hankerchief and smiled broadly.
I shook my head in rebuttal and told her that I don't like to let other people touch my things, and swooped down between her legs like a bald eagle picking off field mice.
I took some time to admire the scenery as I carefully unfolded the hankerchief, first away from me and then to the right.
Approvingly, I spotted some urban poetry written on the floor behind her. The handwriting was excellent, and the author showed real promise.
I then took out my notebook to record the entire poem, and the authors name.
Only then did it dawn on me, that this woman - splay legged, and now nearly dry I must add - could be the very same talent that penned the delightful poem I had just read.
Impatiently, she snatched the hankerchief away from me. Quite roughly I should add.
She then bashed it into her delightful scarlet lips exactly five times. The timing of each absorbing blow was the same, so I assumed that this was her routine.
Why five times I wonder?
By the time that she was done, I had already pulled out a fresh ziplock bag and puckered the opening.
By turning the bag sideways I managed to get the shape of the gape to match her own womanly canyon. Of course in my interpretation of her genitalia, her labia was red on one side and green on the other. A true artist can work with anything!
I fully expected that she would marvel at my genius but decided to keep the moment to myself. Some treasures really are too great to share with others, even if they are the source of inspiration.
When I righted the bag, she cooperated without incident or hesitation. I nodded approvingly as the damp piece of silk settled at the bottom of the bag without touching the lips or sides.
I then zipped up the bag (left to right) after carefully removing all of the remaining air with a straw I keep on hand for such occasions.
Using my Sharpie, fine point permanent marker I recorded the date (ANSI format) and time (24 hour) on the ziplock bag.
Luckily an economy of effort presented itself as I could now ask her name for labeling purposes.
This would also allow me to determine whether the learned author that so impressed me was the very same woman that had now moistened her index finger with her tongue and was gingerly tracing around the outside of her clitoral hood.
I noted that her finger moved counter-clockwise, and it took her three seconds to do a whole lap.
User Reviews
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-10-25 01:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OLDSCHOOL
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2005-07-15 22:51:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yup, triangle choke
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-10-02 17:39:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Is that a triangle?
Submitted by Pingu (user info) at 2004-10-02 17:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2004-09-15 07:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm.....i just noticed you took the time to look up both of my topics and spam them. pathetic
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2004-09-09 19:35:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"i haven't slept in two days, so my memory is fuzzy, but the guy in the armbar is Randy "the natural" i cant remember hisname
and the other guy is brazilian mcBrazilian, but i forgot his name, and i always usually know it."
nope....the guy getting armbarred is mark coleman, and the one applying the armbar is a brazilian named noguera. randy did get armbarred though, but it was by enson enouea (sp) and i dont think randy has fought in the pride organization, which the ring in the pic is from.
cool that you at least knew wtf the move was though.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-09-09 12:11:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was funny as hell. Too bad you didn't write it, I would have +2d it and submitted to Bored at Work.
Submitted by Donitsu2002 (user info) at 2004-09-09 08:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i haven't slept in two days, so my memory is fuzzy, but the guy in the armbar is Randy "the natural" i cant remember hisname
and the other guy is brazilian mcBrazilian, but i forgot his name, and i always usually know it.
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2004-09-09 07:58:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BUMP
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2004-09-06 11:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
knee? its his arm thats being hyperextended
Submitted by ScoutCJustice (user info) at 2004-09-05 15:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey look, you can see that guys tibia snapping just below the knee... it's about to punch through the skin.
Submitted by Rixes (user info) at 2004-09-05 13:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Disturbing, +2 for ANSI though.
Submitted by dolfin (user info) at 2004-09-05 11:40:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
if you used a straw to suck out the air, wouldn't you stand to risk sucking up some.. uh.. liquid?
gross.
weird.
good.
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2004-09-05 11:30:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"No holds barred competitions rocks hard."
indeed it does. the best sport in the world, hands down. you know of any others here who are as obsessed as i am?
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-09-05 11:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for the triangle armbar.
No holds barred competitions rocks hard.
That is all.
Werd.
Submitted by EmptyRobot (user info) at 2004-09-05 11:16:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
really fucking wierd.
Submitted by DyingBreed (user info) at 2004-09-05 11:13:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
by the way, this is not an original submission. (the pic below is though, its called a triangle/armbar) i found this piece of literary genius at another forum, written by some dude that was obviously bored on a train