Espresso vs. Liquor: An objective analysis (988 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -1.77 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nissa F. <the_homer_simpson.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2004-09-06 03:44:49 EDT
Ok, tonight I did something stupid, and two nights ago I did something stupid. (Do you see the pattern here?) Tonight, for $20.00 I did the ultimate dare (according to my dorky-ass friends): I took 15 shots of espresso. "Why that many, Nissa?!?!" You ask. Because I heard that 14 will kill you. Yes, we went the local Caribou coffee and ordered 15 shots of espresso. Yes, the 'emo' local that works there gave us the weirdest look and just said, "Have a nice day." (And then called us ass-sucking morons under his breath.)(okay, i made that up)(God, I have ADD)(It's the espresso)We went out to the car (Not mine, I drink responibly) and instead of getting lit or making screwdrivers, everyone watched as I chugged espresso. (If a cop came, would he be confused or what?!?)15 shots isn't much liquid, but it's a fucking shitload of stimulant. This was at about 8 O'clock. It is now 2:22 am central standard time and everything is funny. Everything is kewl to touch and I can't type. Okay, from your point of view I can type, but, well, im anal as it is and now im probaby legally under hte influence. I feel like i'm on speed. Earlier, I had one hand on my piano repetedly playing hte base line to "Ode to the Banana King" by Tori Amos and the other hand was typing. Then I decided to draw and then gave up because I couldn't shake my foot enough to keep my hands steady. And Im horny. In the end...No hangovers, no passing out. Legal!
Shit. I forgot this was an "Objective Analysis."
Okay, two nights ago, I was pretty under the influence of certain smokeable drugs and drinkable depressants. I wasn't wasted by any means, but the combination of the two made ofr a pretty interesting experience. After I got home, I was hungry. I got some chips. mmmm. I ate some chips then I got horny. (I see another pattern here) Then I masturbated and fell asleep. (I know I'm a chick, don't deny it ladies, and if there's nothing to deny, then you're probably a ho who gets it waaay too much and dosn't need to 'flick the tit or clit' (I think I just made that up....spread it like a wildfire!!)) Anyhoo, where was I?? Ok...When I woke up, I felt like shit. I forgot that I drank a shitlaod and I then I got diarrhea. Then I was hungover and my grandma wanted to go light-fixture shopping. (FUCK!)
In conclusion, Espresso is better.
1. Cost: Twelve pack or bud/Bottle of tequila= 5.99, 12.99; 15 Shots= $12.43 + $0.50 tip
2. Legality: Liquor (Not legal for me, and not legal in public) NO! Shots: YES! (Have you ever met someone who was areested for 'public stimulation' (That is sooooo funny ot me right now)
3. Effects: Liquor: 1> Dizzyness 2>Funness 3>Wildness 4>Exageration (SP?) 5>Stupidity 6>Horny 7>Pregnant (Or damn near) 8>Passout 9>Hangoverness.....Espresso 1>Awesome taste 2>Funness 3>Shakyawesomeness 4>Wildness 5>Get stuff doneness 6>Get more studd doneness 7> Laughingness 8>Do somethingness 9>Uberness 10>Wake up freshness!!!
You know Im right!!!
Everyone! UNITE! Support your BEAN!!!!!!!
PS (This is important)(If you made it this far)
Starbucks Sucks. Their coffee tastes like shit and their espresso comes out of a machine. Caribou pulls thier shots. (Analogy (Paper towels): Starbucks: generic brand; Caribou: Brawny )
User Reviews
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-10-07 02:19:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
ill pay you 20 bucks if you can drink 15 shots of antifreeze
Submitted by Jo_of_the_golden_P (user info) at 2004-10-07 02:04:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-06 04:17:44 (#)
Ranking: -2
GREAT POST!
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-06 17:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You have got to be shitting me.
Submitted by Ex_Lux_Astrum (user info) at 2004-09-06 17:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Useless sack of shit, or fucking idiot??? Hmmm...it's a tough call, but you could be both.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-09-06 09:54:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This post makes me want to shove a funnel in your mouth and force sand down your throat.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-09-06 05:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"then I got diarrhea"
Reminds me of this one time, I read this garbled post about espresso. The rest is history.
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-09-06 04:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oooh! DMDude, like on Jurassic Park! I'm a nerd.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-09-06 04:23:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One can only hope you will be ruthlessly eviscerated by a small lizard.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-06 04:17:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
GREAT POST!
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2004-09-06 04:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-09-06 03:50:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked your other one better.
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I'm with Siren on this one...
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-06 03:58:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Ok, tonight I did something stupid"
Yeah, you posted. Bitch.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-09-06 03:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-09-06 03:50:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked your other one better.
Submitted by Kristen (user info) at 2004-09-06 03:49:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the hell is this?