Puppy Love (1138 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.59 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by prophet (View user info) at 2004-09-07 22:19:53 EDT
What, am I crazy?
No, I didn't think so. Sometimes someone can be holding you back from achieving your dreams. You just need to move on and realize your true potential. Not every relationship is meant to last. There comes a time when you simply have to say goodbye.
I mean, I needed my space. I needed to breathe, for Christ's sake. Doing something as simple as having a beer with the guys became a chore, because I dreaded the call. The check-up call, to make sure everything is as it should be. To make sure I'm in check. To make sure I'm properly controlled. To hold her power over me.
That's not to say that we didn't talk. We talked through our problems. Well, she talked. I listened. Maybe if she had done some listening, we wouldn't be where we are right now.
Isn't that right, Shiela?
Perhaps if you stopped your incessant jawing for all of fifteen seconds, we could have talked things out, and kept a happy, healthy marriage.
But no. You'd rather shriek your fool head off like a banshee.
God, how I hate her voice. If there's one thing I'm glad to be rid of, it's that voice. And the condescending tone, like I owe her something. Like I'm inferior to her somehow.
You're no better than me now, are you, Shiela?
But I'll be honest. I love her. Love her to death.
But how I hate that voice. Always carrying on. Always whining. And yelling.
She's not yelling now. I'll never put up with her yelling again.
It has to be her way. All the time. I never make my own decisions. Do you know why? Because when I do, I have to hear about why my choice was the wrong one, for hours and hours and hours. Sometimes days. Sometimes nineteen years of marriage, listening about how my Muddy Waters tattoo makes me look like a fool.
I like Muddy Waters. And I like my tattoo, goddamnit.
Who's the fool now, Shiela?
Even when you have something nice to say, Shiela, you're just trying to manipulate me. When I stop putting up with your controlling bullshit, you try to sweet talk me. I'm so glad I finally liberated myself from all that. I had to see the light sooner or later. To see how you really felt about me. How the contempt drips from your every word. You hate me, Shiela, and I finally know that. But I forgive you. That's what love means.
I forgive you, and I love you, but I'll never be with you again. Never again will I put up with your burden.
Well, except for right now, Shiela. I'll carry your burden one last time. While you just keep on staring at me with those accusing eyes. This is all your fault. You know it, but you'd rather pretend that somehow it's mine. But this time, I'm not falling for it.
Still, I'm the one cleaning up after you, right? Once again, you're the slob, and once again I have to pick up after you. Jesus, look at the mess you've made on our lovely kitchen floor. Have a heart, Shiela.
Well, have some consideration, at least.
I'm a good husband. I'm neat. I'm clean. I'm kind. You know, Shiela, I carefully labeled each of these ZipLock bags just for you. I was thinking of you when I did it.
LIVER
SPLEEN
HEART
KIDNEY
All for you, Shiela. All for you.
I don't suppose you know how much time it took for me to scrub your nasty, inconsiderate stain from our lovely white tiled kitchen floor. Well, it took quite a while. But I did it thinking of you. As much of a slob that you are, you love to come home to a clean house.
I put your meticulously labeled belongings in the foundation for that new dog house I promised to build you. I keep my promises, Shiela. That's the kind of man I am. I poured the cement, and I smoothed it over quite nicely.
I know how much you love our dog. Christ, you love him more than me. Well, I hope you're happy for all that I've done for you.
I stained the wood with a beautiful shade of mahogany. Just like you wanted. It sunk deep into the wood, saturating it with its rich essence. Not unlike your blood, Shiela. I rather expected it to be ice cold and black, after living with you for nineteen years. But really, Shiela, your blood is the most beautiful part of you.
I measured the lengths of wood perfectly. Put it all together. It took two whole days to build, but it was worth it. I know you'll love it. I built it quite well.
God help you if you find something wrong with it. It's a lovely dog house, Shiela.
And all is right with the world.
User Reviews
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2005-06-22 15:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2005-06-22 14:39:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ProgramGeek (user info) at 2005-06-22 14:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your fucking terrible. Let me help you lower your score down.
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2005-06-18 18:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-10-08 23:27:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky (user info) at 2004-10-08 23:13:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-10-08 23:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love your writing
Submitted by Spider-Man (user info) at 2004-09-20 15:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love puppies too! And vagina.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-20 15:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Apologies. It's nothing personal.
Submitted by poorfit (user info) at 2004-09-08 23:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-08 18:21:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
That is the gayest picture.
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No, I'm almost positive that the GAYEST picture was the photoshop of your face on carrot top's head.
At least, that's the picture I saw on all those banners on the news, when they televised the Pride parade.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-08 18:21:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That is the gayest picture.
Submitted by Smurfs (user info) at 2004-09-08 15:58:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
decent
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-09-08 10:04:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-08 09:30:35 (#)
Ranking: 1
Eep!
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JMG, I've noticed that you're quite a hard fellow to procure a +2 out of.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-08 09:30:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Eep!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-08 09:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-09-07 23:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't think of anything to say, other than "this is good."
Submitted by humor_me (user info) at 2004-09-07 23:10:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't know exactly what to give this so a +2 it shall be.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-09-07 22:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A bit predictable, but well written.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2004-09-07 22:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAAHAAA. Reminds me of all the teeny bop love lost and I'm stuck with his kid now girl posts
on here.
But in a good way, yeah that's it.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-09-07 22:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-07 22:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am now afraid of you.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-07 22:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44216