The REAL fast and the furious (520 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.33 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Darth Vander<aaronsebay2002.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2004-09-08 11:34:17 EDT
The Fast and the Furious is full of shit. It makes your average gino look like a super-hero, which is straight bullshit. They should make a more realistic Fast and Furious part 2. Let me set up the scenario:
It's Friday night in a Tim Hortons parking lot with 18 ginos crowded around 2 civics talking about how they almost stabbed someone at the club they were just at. All of a sudden another crew pulls into the parking lot with their civics pumping Euro Heaven. The first crew of ginos tense up as they see the next crew park their civics to lounge around as well.
The crews spot each other. Hard looks are exchanged.
Finally a gino from the first crew decides to go into the Tim Hortons with his girlfriend so she can buy him a sandwich and juice. As the gino and his girlfriend go towards the Tim Hortons they walk past the other crew of ginos. Street heat is generated. All of a sudden ......
"Hey what are you looking at?"
"What ?"
"Yo what are you fucking looking at?"
"Bro you wanna start something?"
"Oh my god, bro, you are not talking to me"
"Get out of my face before I give you the zaps"
... All of a sudden the first crew notice their friend is in trouble. They speed over. Everyone rushes in and talks about stabbing each other but no one actually fights. Then...
"Yo I say we line it up"
"You wanna line it up with me?"
"What you afraid?"
"Bro I'll smoke you. My civic has dual turbo exhaust trans cam shafts."
"Bro, mine has a super charged rear front differential boost system"
They continue to brag about how they each spent over 10,000 dollars souping up their rides even though they both work for minimum wage doing retail in the local mall. Finally they line it up. Engines rev, and the ginos' 14 year old girlfriends wish them luck. They speed off blazing down the abandoned suburban road circa 3:00am on a Friday night.
Both ginos are really scared because although they talk like they race a lot, neither of them has really ever lined it up before. As he speeds down the road the first gino thinks to himself "what would the guy from the Fast and the Furious do if he were me?" He then remembers a scene from the movie and goes to push the nitro button hidden on his steering wheel. He however is disappointed to discover there is no nitro button on his steering wheel because stupid shit like that only exists in hollywood movies that try and glorify ginos.
He then hears on the radio that Cameroon has beaten Italy in world cup qualifying. He starts to panic. His world is crumbling around him. Suddenly he spins off the road and crashes into a lamp post then rebounds right into the front glass of the local blockbuster where his best friend works. He is still alive but his car is on fire. He knows he only has moments to escape before the car explodes. He goes for the door but is shocked to discover he can't make it because his super big loop earring is hooked on a piece of the front seat, trapping him in the car. He sees his friend in the blockbuster and cries out .....
"Lorenzo, please help me! Oh my god!"
BOOOOOOOM!!!
Too late. the explosion takes place levelling the entire complex. Further down the street the other gino is still speeding away because his windows are so tinted he can't see the other car has already crashed and is out of the race. As he drives he imagines Limp Bizkit's "my way" playing in the back of his head. All of a sudden he remembers that he has that CD cause he made his girlfriend buy it for him. He goes into his CD compartment, grabs the disc and puts it in to play. Everything is cool. Or so he thinks...
He has forgotten that he had his stereo set on super bass. All of a sudden the bass from his souped up system shakes the car so badly it causes engine failure. His car crashes into the local prison. Crawling out from the wreck, he is dismayed to find himself inside an innmates cell. The prisoner stares at the gino. The long streaked hair, baby smooth face and shiny loop earrings lead the prisoner to believe that the gino is actually a woman and he rushes to the poor gino. He easily tears away the ginos Kappa button up joggers and has at him. The prisoner handles the gino in a style that is both fast and furious.
Later the gino is naked and wandering the streets, sore and ashamed. He uses his white Nike headband hanging around his neck to wipe the tears from his eye. The night truly has been Fast and Furious...
The End.
User Reviews
Submitted by cexshun (user info) at 2004-09-08 11:52:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This story lacks direction and is simply a post insulting "ginos". There is no plot and it goes nowhere. It may have been funny at times, but as a story, it lacks in several areas. -2 for poor writing, but +2 to not seem like I'm touting my post over yours. I'll make it an even 0 to not be accused of vindictiveness.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-09-08 11:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate rice burners
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-09-08 11:38:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this one better than the other one.