Eric Rice's Obsession part II (2297 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.37 on 66 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by I_Have_A_Caulaincourt_Fetish (View user info) at 2004-09-08 12:55:41 EDT
partI: http://www.ubersite.com/m/43581
I made another post about him (http://www.ubersite.com/m/44322). I haven't stopped thinking about him either. The night sweats are getting worse. As I watch the corridor's light fleeing from my bedroom while I slowly close my door, an untolerable feeling overwhelms me. He is not here. The man who's so far away but still haunts me. The door slams leaving me into darkness, my voice cracks. Once again my hope of a night with him collapses. I wimp to wash away my despair but after the torrents dry, like trees roots, my wounds remain only more denuded.
I walk up to my bunk bed, lay my incommensurate maxilla on the pillow and pray for one single peaceful night. I hug myself thightly and try to chase away the images of him. I stare at the comforting blinking green light of my computer screen and let the fatigue submerge me to the relaxing sound of power supply fans.
My love for Caulaincourt has transmutated into demons of erotomania whose shrieks have become deafening. I cannot find peace nor sleep. I immediatly run up to my computer and furiously rattle my mouse to take off my child porn screensaver. I try to stop pressing and caressing my crotch but the feeling is too intense. If he will not reciprocate my obsession, by God I will make him. I try to come up with a post to call him out but seeing that I'm an uncreative unoriginal sick human being, I have no idea. Realizing that my mind is clouded by lavish sex fantasies with Caulaincourt, I go to the bathroom. I kneel in front of the soap dispenser, pinch my penis and emulate facial cumshots as I angrily masturbate. I let the soap drip from my jaw and the cum slide on my scrotum to enjoy the entirety of this moment. Sometimes I will wipe away this very soap with my hands and lubricate the perimeter of my anus. Then I will proceed to finger myself doggystyle while banging my head against the bath tub and screaming obscenities but now, time is short.
I MUST run back to my computer and make a post about Caulaincourt, no?! *giggles incontrollably*
Then after I get my reaction from him which is essential for my survival, I can always go to the mall. There I'll photograph unsuspecting 15 years old's ass to put up on my website like I did already.
Here's a picture of daddy :)
User Reviews
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-03-01 17:56:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That looks just like that scary fuck actor Bobbie Z-Dar (Darcy?).
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-03-01 16:54:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My love for Caulaincourt has transmutated into demons of erotomania whose shrieks have become deafening. I cannot find peace nor sleep. I immediatly run up to my computer and furiously rattle my mouse to take off my child porn screensaver. I try to stop pressing and caressing my crotch but the feeling is too intense.
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Perhaps the funniest four sentences in this entire site.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-02-16 21:38:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This thing is worth reading again and again. It is that good.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-02-16 21:13:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Caul, this was WAY before my time, but it was extremely well done!!!
Submitted by digdug (user info) at 2006-02-16 15:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In the words of Beavis & Butthead:
"When God was handing out buttcracks, that guy got in line twice."
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-02-16 15:28:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2005-03-29 11:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by BalloonKnot (user info) at 2004-12-04 18:34:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:35:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Poutine is terrible. I hate fries. I haven't ate poutine since I'm like six.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2004-11-30 19:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
One order of poutine with extra gravy, please.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-11-28 00:02:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
as promised. but that picture gets a plus two any day. i love that guy. i first saw him in tango and cash. he must have had a lousy plastic surgeon.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-23 14:31:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh yes, catch you later on this
Submitted by sublime (user info) at 2004-11-22 22:23:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm picking up a free taste of buvard, you want it?
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-11-19 02:13:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Caulaincourt you should post more. You along with professorfuckface are the two best reviewers on this site.
Submitted by kai070169 (user info) at 2004-11-16 13:21:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Caulaincourt,
Je suis né en Saint Boniface, stupide. Je suis un fils de Louis Riel, véritable Canadien français - vous êtes un rejet Parisienne !!
So fuck off!
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-11-10 14:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Check your e-mail!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-10 13:43:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Not usually but my company does. I got tomorrow and took friday off too.
My elder brother *might* come here so I don't know if I could do anything but if you guys have organized plans and wouldn't bother if I'd join, email me at daggotht.at.hotmail.com and I'll see if I can do anything about it.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-11-10 13:25:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Caul, do you guys get the day off of work for Rememberence Day in Quebec?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-11-09 11:10:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-08 17:29:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ahhahah
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-08 17:28:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-08 17:26:58 (#)
Ranking: 0
This started him: http://www.ubersite.com/m/50951#942003
I think. He started his Random Joe (impersonnating me) shit there only to upgrade to a fake user a few minutes after.
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The truth is so painful to take for some unfortunate people.
Submitted by Commie_bastard (user info) at 2004-11-08 17:27:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by eIectrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-23 17:25:49 (#)
Ranking: -2
What are you going to do for a face when the babboon wants his ass back?
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What are you going to do for a brain when god wants his mistake back?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-08 17:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This started him: http://www.ubersite.com/m/50951#942003
I think. He started his Random Joe (impersonnating me) shit there only to upgrade to a fake user a few minutes after.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-11-08 17:14:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why have you angered the molester? He is on a rampage!
Submitted by funk_boy (user info) at 2004-11-02 10:23:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hadn't rated this?
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-11-02 10:19:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-11-02 10:17:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
I voted for Robert the Bruce, kinng of scots
===================
As promised
Submitted by eIectrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2004-10-23 17:25:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What are you going to do for a face when the babboon wants his ass back?
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-22 20:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still laughing at this.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-10-22 15:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy shit, someone spent a dollar to link my post. Now Fetish is gonna think it's me and will go psychotic.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-10-22 11:07:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2004-10-22 00:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
ass. i reveal my innermost self and your ridicule me.
Submitted by zakalwe (user info) at 2004-10-21 18:31:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AshyLarry (user info) at 2004-10-21 18:04:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit! Its Quagmire! Allllriiight.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-10-20 01:24:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is still the best post on the site.
Submitted by Vermin (user info) at 2004-10-20 01:14:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Finish the trilogy of these.
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2004-10-19 19:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck? is that steven segal? he runs like a girl.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-10-19 19:13:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where the fuck are you?
Post something, and remember to vote "no".
Submitted by gain (user info) at 2004-10-10 20:00:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's cool. But how did you get that killer tone? Essentially, what kind of guitar, pickups, amp, and other pedals?
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-10-05 21:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the Gay?
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-10-05 10:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-10-04 20:39:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what man? I love you.
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2004-10-04 15:55:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/47000
The prize has been awarded.
Submitted by lojope (user info) at 2004-09-30 08:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/46546#839389
Wanted to make sure you saw my reply. :o)
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-28 23:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
douche bag
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2004-09-24 15:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAA
AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH
HAHHAHHAHHA(cough)AHAHHAAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHA
AHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA(toke)AHAHhAHAH
AHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA...uuuhhhhhhh.....
...........(inhale+shot of whiskey).........
oh yeah.....................................
AAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA
AHAHHAAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAAHAH
Dad!
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-09-21 23:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
plus fucking two
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-09-21 23:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because, well, you know why.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-21 21:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
boooo!!
Traitor!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-08 19:20:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Domenad - yes, it is
Zoidberg - thanks man!
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-09-08 19:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice post, but I have to disagree with the fact that he's unoriginal and uncreative. I just believe he's being a dick for some reason or another, most likely hits or something.
That doesn't affect the score, I just think this is a solid +1 post.
Submitted by Spiral_Abraxis (user info) at 2004-09-08 18:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44384 <------------ check out this new girl she's really cute
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2004-09-08 18:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These two posts are the only ones on this site to ever make me laugh until tears form in my eyes.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-08 18:24:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44322
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-08 18:24:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-09-08 17:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Isn't that the guy from Tango and Cash?
Submitted by Zoidberg (user info) at 2004-09-08 17:14:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
huh I just found your pic Caul. You're hot
Submitted by KoolMang (user info) at 2004-09-08 14:16:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-08 14:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Teehee.
Submitted by l_Have_A_Caulaincourt_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-08 13:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know ! That's because I'm in love ! haha
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-09-08 13:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
your english is great!
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-09-08 13:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for fucking Tango and Cash. Kurt Russell and Sly? Could you dream something better than that?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-08 13:05:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
GodALittle... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0120494/
He was "Conan" in Tango&Cash
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-09-08 13:02:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Who's the guy in the picture Caul?
If I were you I would just ignore his retaliatory -2's until he realizes that you aren't going to give him any attention. That's what he wants and you're giving it to him. It is hilarious to see you two go at it though.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-09-08 13:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That really is his dad.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-08 12:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know that munkey, but every time I ignore him he comes back with a post about me.
I'm starting to think he seriously really likes me. I don't if I must be scared now.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-08 12:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ATTN GHEY MENZ
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-08 12:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know why you are lowering yourself with this battle with Fetish.
You're better than that.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-08 12:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure that's a mugshot of QueenASShat
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-08 12:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Christ, you need help. And an anal reaming.