Here I sit (2599 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.49 on 112 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <nolan.at.Baseballwriter.net> (View user info) at 2004-09-09 09:34:37 EDT
Broken hearted
Came to shit
But ended up just peeing
And reading Sports Illustrated
Ta Da.
User Reviews
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-09-23 20:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS EXCELLENT POST SHALL NEVER PERISH!!!!!
Submitted by RotAtoR (user info) at 2009-09-20 20:00:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here I shit
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2009-09-20 18:53:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take back Über, sitting down.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-21 17:42:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are allowed to do so...then, I'll pinch your labia. It'll be fun.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2009-06-21 16:59:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just want to pinch your old man cheeks
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2009-06-19 16:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh...that's right. This wasn't "a series".
Submitted by MajulCartoons (user info) at 2009-04-07 04:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...its a poem of sorts..
short, flows ok, nothing special, but does the job.
I'd hate for this to be your proof of your artistic merit.
Also, are you saying you pee sitting down?
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Came to shit
But ended up just peeing
And reading Sports Illustrated
Ta Da.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2009-04-07 04:00:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how DID i miss this
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-07-15 04:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-07-12 13:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is still great.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-01-27 14:16:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Time to revive some of the better classics. . .
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-12-31 10:46:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't like the part where Francis hits Marvin for no reason. It detracted from your story and overall appeal. Maybe next time, Luther.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-30 13:25:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-30 10:07:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...we must be doing a year end "Best of Ubersite" for this post to mount a comeback.
===========
Excellent idea, mate!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-12-30 10:07:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...we must be doing a year end "Best of Ubersite" for this post to mount a comeback.
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2007-12-30 08:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The meaning of Ubersite.
Submitted by sadie73 (user info) at 2007-12-30 07:52:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A classic.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-07-23 11:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Live frankenstein!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-23 11:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The post that will never die until it reaches 112,000 hits.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-07-18 21:03:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-07-18 20:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Goddamn right...this SHOULD have been B@W.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-07-16 09:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-04-02 16:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WELL...THIS WAS WORTH POSTING
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-04-02 13:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2007-01-08 17:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeh!! And take pictures this time!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-08 17:22:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why don't you suck my dick, again, Homer.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-08 17:10:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
awful awful awful. you assholes astound me with the stuff you rate positive. you should all have your goddamn fingers ripped off so you can't use your keybaords anymore.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-08 17:00:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A-1.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-17 21:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-06-16 21:33:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
old
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-06 13:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's what I think, too, but it probably doesn't mean as much when my own alter says so.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-03-06 13:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Puts orgasmatron to shame
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-03-06 13:32:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm working on it...I have ZERO ideas but I DO have a digital camera now so SOMETHING is brewing and it wouldn't surprise me if I shit something out in the next week or so.
I must preach patience to my fan. Errr, fans.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-03-06 13:22:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
When are you going to post again, fag?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-02-03 16:36:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
BRING THIS BACK TO LIFE. PERFORM CPR ON IT.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2005-06-27 22:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, reminds me of some early Jim Davis.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2005-06-07 12:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and gay. Faggot.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-06-07 11:47:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My early efforts were astoundingly simplistic, yet comical...and touching.
Submitted by awj002 (user info) at 2005-06-03 19:30:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"Here I sit, same as ever. Took a dump, pulled the lever. The toilet clogged, the water flowed. Watch out world, it's a mother load." ~Beavis
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2005-06-03 19:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The gayness of this is pretty astounding.
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2005-06-03 19:11:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This will never, not be funny.
Submitted by lush (user info) at 2005-04-06 16:46:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:13:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Reading this post is a lot like listening to a classic rock radio station.
Submitted by TheJedi (user info) at 2005-02-16 09:00:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked the "Ta Da" too... Hated the poem... But the "Ta Da"... That was the kicker!!!
Submitted by polymorph505 (user info) at 2005-02-15 15:03:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-02-15 15:02:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-01-23 07:51:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
beautiful simplicity.
ending with "ta da"
hahahahahaa
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-22 14:40:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was gonna recommend this one.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2005-01-22 14:37:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
actually this made me laugh..
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-11 19:20:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd like to think so.
But it's a couple thousand- alright, MANY thousand hits short, though.
I guess that's just one of life's mysteries.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2005-01-11 19:10:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It ranks right up there with 're 16 y/olds.' GOLD
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2005-01-11 19:03:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Why would someone randomly go back to THIS post just to toss a -2 at it?
PS. This post was great, you fucking jealous, cunt rag.
Submitted by Rawrg (user info) at 2005-01-11 18:54:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by mazman23 (user info) at 2005-01-11 18:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Boy did that suck
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-16 18:20:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oops. @.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-16 18:19:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"B & W"...
Buahahahahahaaaaaaaaa...Some bored fuck would lose his mind if he had to read this while expecting some kind of short story.
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-12-16 18:13:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-16 17:55:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This IS improving with age.
I just burst out laughing at it ...again.
I'm available for parties and bar mitzvahs.
Submitted by AwesomeJohnson (user info) at 2004-12-16 17:48:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this is the kind of stuff that makes me laugh uncontrollably.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-12-16 17:45:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The classics, like "Catcher in the Rye" and "Here I Sit" never get old, do they?
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (user info) at 2004-12-16 17:34:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
=D
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-12-16 17:24:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For some reason I wanted to read this one more time, even though I know it by heart.
I'm thinking about putting it on a tee-shirt.
Submitted by boredgurl210 (user info) at 2004-10-09 18:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Ta Da" amused me.
Submitted by HelloMello (user info) at 2004-10-09 18:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is no dought the best post you have written yet
Submitted by DBPH (user info) at 2004-09-20 12:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you ever get that red ring around your butt cheeks from the toilet seat? I can only have maxim by the can, because the articles are short. Anything longer, and I could risk permanent damage.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-14 11:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't hold your breath on that...I am an expert reviewer, a part-time poster.
I'll wait for the Uber historians to take my entire body of review work , and compile it for our future generations- you know, the children - to read, absorb and enjoy.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-09-14 11:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha ha... you should make a post about her ass, including every comment you've made on it. I don't have anything against Lojope. but your ass comments are funny, and it's high time you made a post as amusing as your reviews.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-14 10:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Then I deserve a plus 122, because I've made lots of comments about that enormous bloomin' onion.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-09-14 04:31:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Right fine. But don't call me woolfie, it makes my name rhyme with yours. Don't wanna look gay or anything.
You can have your plus 2 for your comment about Lojopes ass. Ha ha
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-13 16:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OK...can I get a hummer as your down payment?
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:10:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Buy it, when you're done reading it - I can borrow it.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel very strongly that I deserve at LEAST one plus rating post, MrWolfie.
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Please let me be the one to get this back in the minus'...
I love you shlongy, but you just don't deserve a positive rating.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-12 20:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey...I'm rallying late! Thanks, kids...
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-09-12 13:18:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhhh yes...
Submitted by JonnyBoy (user info) at 2004-09-12 13:13:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm feeling extra nice today.
Thank Tori
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2004-09-12 13:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When the law break in
How you gonna go?
Shot down on the pavement,
or...wait.
Wrong post.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-12 13:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for ruining this, flibby, you gay bastard ya.
Submitted by captainflibby (user info) at 2004-09-12 10:02:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-12 09:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still in the positievs, you fucking queerbait, Fetish.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-12 07:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-11 20:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nope...the one with Tom Brady on the cover...But I really liked that Joe Namath article...I think I want to buy the book that the exerpt was lifted from.
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-09-11 14:50:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was it the issue about Joe Namath?
Submitted by JonnyBoy (user info) at 2004-09-11 14:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Broken faced
Came to die
But ended up just living
And reading penthouse
I wish I was dead
and not reading this post
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2004-09-11 14:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Cubs win!
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-11 14:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You want to quit while you're in the plus column, Shlongy?
I didn't think you gave a shit about ratings...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-10 12:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to quit while I'm in the + column.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-10 10:45:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed.
I'm still laughing.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-09 16:30:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I HAVE to believe that I was actually in the + column until that last killjoy went and ruined everything.
Oh well...that just means nother attempt tomorrow from the annals of Shlongy's vast emporium of classic posts...just waiting to be dumped on Uberdom.
To my fans...well, we tried. I know the day isn't over with yet, but I have to go gamble on the boat this evening...But thanks for your +'s.
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-09-09 14:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2004-09-09 12:06:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2004-09-09 11:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Really stupid, but for some reason (maybe the drugs) I laughed at the "Ta Da."
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-09-09 11:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yup
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2004-09-09 11:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Those were the good old days.
Jobzaguden'
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-09 11:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm off to the beach for a few hours...I expect , that with this late groundswell of support from my fans- the best in Uber - to be in the positive ratings by the time I return!
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2004-09-09 10:56:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha! You kick ass.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-09-09 10:34:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
GENIUS... absolute fucking GENIUS
How DO you do it ?
Submitted by slutcase <imanutcase2.at.gmail.com> at 2004-09-09 09:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here I sit same as ever
Took a dump pulled the lever
the toilet clogged
the water flowed
look out world
its the mother load
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:58:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See, I thought this masterpiece had +1.47 written all over it.
Am I delusional? Or is my IQ too high to reach the simpletons who post here on a regular basis?
Hmmmmmmmmmm....
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I feel better already.
Because I just popped a beer.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That's the worrying thing Schlongy, you're not the worst. By a long way.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:50:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, I'm the worst.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you read deeper into this espo, you'll find that I was trying to conjure up a discourse on man's duality of extemperous psychobabble and nebulism in an gaseous state.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:50:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Write me a baseball!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What about pity? Can't I get some of that?
Fuck it...I'm going to the beach.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
sorry shlongy...this can't have a positive rating
This was bad even for SPT.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oops...I spoke too soon.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:43:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BTW...this is the most reviews I've ever received while still maintaining a rating on or above 0. Thanks!
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:43:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you forgot "SPT" in your title
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Men's room? There's a men's room?
Oh oh...
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You should make a collection of men's room stall poetry. I bet it would be pretty popular.
Submitted by jzuska (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:38:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
meh
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-09 09:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Let the good times begin.