One Night at Bills (838 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Untruth
Rating: 2 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Snark << snarkk.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2004-09-09 10:19:33 EDT
ONE NIGHT AT BILLS'
Bill flew back into hazy half consciousness with a jolt, sending the mostly full beer can in his hand to the floor with a hollow thud.
He forced his aching neck straight and swiveled in his chair half expecting his father to be standing over him ready to bring the wrath of god down upon him but no one was there.
Well almost no one... through half closed eyes he could make out the semi prone body of Tim passed out on his bed, back propped up against the wall. Just to be sure he wasn't screwed he forced his eyes open a little wider and looked again. He could have sworn someone had shaken him awake but as before the room was empty except for them.
He pressed the palms of his hands to his throbbing temples and muttered "Fuck" then reached down to the paper bag in the sea of empties around his chair and popped open a fresh beer. The lukewarm liquid filled his mouth partially cleansing it of the taste of dead rat before sliding smoothly down his cigarette baked throat to land in his stomach with an almost audible thud.
The fresh infusion of alcohol into his system helped to clear his mind and he silently chided himself for being a pussy. His father was out of town for the weekend and wouldn't be back till Monday. He wondered how long he had been passed out and guessed that it couldn't have been more than an hour judging by the haze of cigarette smoke that still hung low in his room like an acrid autumn fog. A quick glance at his watch told him it was 3:44 AM. He wasn't sure what time they had both crashed but then decided he also didn't care. It was only Friday night... well Saturday morning and they had the house to themselves and plenty more beer to see them through until Sunday.
He took another long pull from the can and stretched back his loosening neck. Eyes closed he reveled in liquid pleasure as the beer kick started the warm buzz that had lulled him to sleep. After a moment he opened them again, sat straight and swiveled the chair around to his computer desk again in search of a smoke.
His groggy mind fought to make sense out of the mess on his desk as he scanned it for the gold embossed cardboard pack he had smuggled into the house a week earlier.
Mouse... keyboard... empty beer cans... half a pizza pocket... severed hand.
Bill stopped then blinked and tried to focus his swimming vision. When the hand on his desk didn't disappear he closed his eyes and shook his head then fought to keep the contents of his stomach in place while the world beyond his eyelids kept shaking a while longer.
After a moment he opened them and focused clearly on the same spot on his desk.
The hand was still there.
It lay on the top of the desk on its palm a little under his Monitor with fingers splayed out. The skin was pale and waxy, almost white and the finger nails blue. I thin stream of blood from the wet red stump at its wrist trailed over the top of the desk to drip occasionally into the expanding pool on the hard wood floor beneath.
Bill half smiled at the practical joke in front of him and glanced over at Tim's unconscious body and mumbled "Nice one fugger" through alcohol numbed lips.
He reached to pick up the hand and reposition it somewhere on his sleeping friend but stopped half way. It looked disturbingly real for a practical joke and a nagging voice in his head was telling him something that his drunken brain couldn't quite pick up. Without really understanding why he picked up a pen from beside his keyboard and tentatively prodded the appendage on his desk.
The hand twitched.
"JESUS FUCK!"
Bill jumped up sending his chair rolling across the room scattering empties and fast food bags. Beside him on the bed Tim sat up with a start, still half dreaming and yelled "Cat!" then groggily "Wha.. sup dude?"
Bill stood mouth wide and pointed at the desk in front of him.
Tim leaned closer to the desk and squinted as he tried to focus and said "What?"
"There's a hand... a hand on my desk!"
Apparently not yet able to focus on the desk Tim leaned back against the wall and rubbed his eyes with his fists "Very funny... pass me a beer homo" then sat up straight and looked with puzzlement at the blanket covering his legs "Oh shit man. I think I pissed myself"
Bill stood frozen in place, unable to take his eyes off the desk while Tim pulled up the blanket wrapped around his legs to confirm the betrayal of his bladder.
"What the heh... FUCKME!"
Tim tried to jump to his feet but they immediately became entangled in the blanket and instead sent him face first to the floor.
The shout jarred Bill away from the grizzly thing on his desk in time to see Tim on the floor and a severed leg lying on a large red stain on his bed.
Beside him Tim slowly got to his feet, the crotch of his jeans stained black with blood, and pointed a shaking hand at the bed. When he spoke on the verge of panic, his voice was high and his words fast "What the fuck man? What the fuck?"
Bill looked at his friend wide eyed then shook his head and without thinking took another slug from the beer he still held unconsciously in his hand. "Idunno"
"What the fuck?!"
"Idunno!"
The two of them stood in shock induced paralysis for a moment staring at each other then simultaneously bolted for the bedroom door. Tim reached it first and tried to turn the knob but it wouldn't budge.
"The lock!" yelled Bill and then "Move!" as he pushed his equally panicked friend out of the way and added his own failure to the effort. Tim pulled Bill out of the way next and began to kick at the solid wood blocking his way to freedom. Within seconds he was joined by Bill but both boys were lightly built for 17 year olds and the door was well constructed. After several minutes they gave up and stood facing each other, panting and sweating.
"The window!" cried Bill
They flew across the room to the window beside the desk and tried to widen the 3 inch gap between the bottom of the window and the pane but it resisted their efforts as easily as the door.
"Smash it!"
Bill picked up a heavy ceramic ashtray from the floor and hurled it at the window sending butts and ash in an arch to land on the floor and stain grey the white curtains surrounding it. The ashtray bounced off the window with a clang then shattered on the wood at their feet.
Once again they looked at each other shocked and panting.
Beside them on the desk the computer beeped as it came out of standby.
A single green cursor flashed on the black screen of the monitor for a second then slowly typed a sentence in large glowing letters.
THE MATRIX HAS YOU...
"Did we take any drugs tonight?" asked Bill?
Tim's reply was a shaky whisper "No not tonight"
The writing on the screen disappeared and was quickly replaced by the words
JUST KIDDING
Then...
SIT DOWN
Without really understanding why Bill rolled his chair back from across the room and sat in front of the monitor. Tim had already assumed his usual spot on the plush stool to the left.
They sat and watched the blinking cursor in front of them until Tim half heatedly hit Bill on the shoulder with the back of his hand and said "Type something"
"What?"
"I don't know man..."
Bill put twitching hands to the keyboard in front of him and typed
WHO ARE YOU?
Then pressed enter.
The cursor sat blinking on the line below for a moment and then quickly darted across the screen
S8N... REMEMBER ME?
The boys glanced at each other in puzzlement. Bill shrugged to himself as much as anyone and typed
NO
The screen before them went blank almost immediately and then flickered as the familiar white box of the Instant Messenger program materialized on screen. Inside the box was the slowly scrolling history of their last conversation. They sat and read it almost despite themselves as the words before them brought back sluggish memories of the drunken hours previous.
S8N: Hi guys! Want to chat?
2DRNKGuys: WTF? Who RU?
S8N: LOL I'm Satan.
2DRNKGuys: Cool I'm Jehovah and beside me is my buddy Fiel Mypalm
2DRNKGuys: He's from Jerkistan
S8N: LOL!1101
Bill looked at the top of his desk then the bed and then his friend in rapid succession. "Bullshit" he said "Someone's playing with us"
Tim swallowed hard and once again pointed at the severed hand "That shit is real man"
"We did drugs"
"NO! We fucking did not!"
"Well we did something!"
Tim moved his outstretched finger to the bed and said "Well I didn't do that!"
Not knowing what else to do, they turned their attention back the text scrolling up through the message box on screen and picked the conversation back up partway.
S8N: Then spent a bit of time in Rawanda
S8N: I get around
S8N: 
S8N:
2DRNKGuys: Yawn
S8N: Pardon?
2DRNKGuys: Yo Beelzebub
S8N: ?
2DRNKGuys: You're a FUCKING PUSSY!
S8N: ?!
2DRNKGuys: My dad's a priest. He kicks your ass twice on Sundays
S8N:
2DRNKGuys: Your Mother sucks Cocks in hell!
S8N: I never had a mother
2DRNKGuys: LMFAO No kidding!
Tim slapped himself in the forehead and moaned "Oh no we did NOT do that"
Beside him Bill handed him a beer and grabbed another from the bag beside him and popped it open. They each took a long swig and then Bill said simply "Yeah... we did"
Tim glanced at his friend and then pounded the rest of the contents of the fresh can before dropping it on the floor beside him and holding out his empty hand "Beer me"
Brian finished his off the same way and grabbed two more out of the bag. They both opened their new cans and turned their attention back to the endlessly scrolling text.
They had missed a great deal of the conversation but their memories were slowly filling in the missing pieces.
2DRNKGuys: Not even a reach around!!!
S8N: Fuck you both! I'm Outie!
2DRNKGuys: No wait
2DRNKGuys: Don't go! We're sorry
2DRNKGuys: Wer just fuckin witcha
2DRNKGuys:
2DRNKGuys: You there?
S8N: Yeah
2DRNKGuys: Srry man that was mean.
S8N:
2DRNKGuys: Dude can we ask you a question for real?
S8N:
2DRNKGuys: For real
S8N: K
2DRNKGuys: Would you be interested in a copy of Watchtower Magazine?
2DRNKGuys: ROTFLMFAO!!!!110101 Suck it you pointy tailed FuckTard!!!
S8N: !!!
S8N: You're going to burn for this. You're going to burn soon!
S8N: I OWN your soul!!!
2DRNKGuys: You don't own shit. If UR badass fucking evil then pull my phone number out of your licorice red starfish and call me!!!
S8N: Kind of hard to talk on the phone with all the screaming down here
2DRNKGuys: OMFG THE DEVILS A PUSSY THE DEVILS A PUSSY THE DEVILS A BIG QUEER DAVID SPADE BALL SUCKING FAG!!!
2DRNKGuys: Not that there's anything wrong with that
S8N:
S8N: Maybe I should visit
2DRNKGuys: Bring it! I'm so drunk I see three hands but I'll fuckin bitch slap you with them all!
S8N: Really?
2DRNKGuys: Yeah! And when I'm done my buddies gonna assblast you with his leg! The one in the middle!
2DRNKGuys: I bet you would enjoy that actually
S8N: YOU STUPID FUCKERS!
2DRNKGuys: Yeah whatever, go blow a demon
-----------------------------------------------------------
S8N has signed off at 2:44 AM
Bill and Tim stared at the unchanging screen in front of them and said nothing.
Finally Tim broke the silence with a belch and said "He was pretty pissed"
Bill nodded and looked at his feet and began to recite The Lords Prayer.
Tim interrupted him with a nudge and pointed at the computer screen.
A new Messenger session had started
S8N: TOO LATE
Brian felt himself flood with anger and furiously began typing.
2DRNKGuys: FUCK YOU! YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME!
S8N: Oh? And why not?
2DRNKGuys: I know the rules. My dad's a Priest! You don't own my soul!!!
S8N: Bill... about your dad... look under the bed
Bill turned in his chair towards the bed then stopped abruptly as his eyes came in contact with the crimson pool growing from underneath it. The beer in his hand fell into his lap as he put them to the sides of his head and screamed. He looked to the leg on the bed then to the severed hand on the desktop then his friend. Tim's face had gone ashen while his lips moved silently like a fish out of water unable to make a sound.
Bill turned back to the keyboard and frantically typed.
2DRNKGuys: WHAT DID YOU DO MOTHERFUCKER? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!
S8N: I kicked his ass
S8N: Twice
S8N:
With a strength he didn't know he had Bill fought back the panic welling up inside him and wiped the tears from his eyes then typed
2DRNKGuys: You don't own my soul!!!
S8N: What's the name of the CD on the top of the monitor Bill?
2DRNKGuys: WTF? It's a band "Evil Buttjunkies"
S8N: Correct. What's the name of track 6?
Bill typed the answer automatically from memory despite himself.
2DRNKGuys: It's called "My Personal Contract to Sell My Soul to the Devil Without Reservation for Free"
Bill sat back in his chair and buried his face in his hands "Ahhh fuck" Beside him Tim nudged him again and said "Dude he's still typing" Bill gave his friend a dirty look and returned his attention to the screen before him.
S8N: How many times have you sung along with that song Bill?
2DRNKGuys: Once or twice
S8N: Actually it's more like 53, but who's counting.
S8N: The point is YOU'RE MY BITCH AND I'M CALLING YOU HOME!!!
2DRNKGuys: I WON'T GO!!!
S8N: You don't have a choice and you know it. I own your soul fair and square.
2DRNKGuys: What about Tim?
"Fuck You!" said Tim as he slid his stool further away from his doomed friend.
S8N: Timothy does good work for me and will continue to do so.
S8N: He gets a reprieve for now.
Bill looked over at his friend, his pale pimply face one big frantic question. Tim looked back and smiled sheepishly "It's a long story"
Bill tried to think of a way out of the unbelievable mess he found himself in but nothing came to mind. His world had never been one of miracles and deep inside he knew it wasn't going to start filling with them now. He turned watering eyes back to the screen.
S8N: Step Through.
Behind him he heard the metallic squeak of his closet doors opening.
Frantically he turned to Tim one last time with the hope his friend might bring salvation
Tim grabbed a beer from the bag on the floor and handed it to him then smiled sadly and said "Catch you later I guess..."
Bill popped the top on the can and guzzled the contents then said "Fuck it" and turned around without hesitating and walked into the black emptiness of his open closet.
The doors snapped shut like wooden jaw behind him.
------------------------------------------------------------------
S8N has signed off at 4:00 AM
User Reviews
Submitted by sis <sismo12345.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-11 21:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit Snark. Move over Stephen King there's a new author in town. Will you please listen to me and publish something. Damn Buddy you surprise me all the time, I can't get enough, keep up the good work you twisted bastard. TTYL You know who.
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-21 13:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO S8N WOO!
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-09-21 11:56:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I missed this.. how did I miss this? Awesome as always.
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-09-09 14:53:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Despiadado (user info) at 2004-09-09 14:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-09-09 14:31:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa....
Submitted by engine13 (user info) at 2004-09-09 14:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehe. Nice one.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-09-09 13:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Satan on a computer? Yeah I'm sure it's been done by someone.
Satan meeting to knobs over IM? I doubt it.
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-09-09 13:17:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Satan on a computer? something smells of plagiarism. +2 anyways as the story was fantastic.
Submitted by Xena (user info) at 2004-09-09 13:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2+2+2+2 you are fucking crazy...I'm sure of it!!! LOL
I can't believe you kept your imagination and writing such a secret for so long! I feel betrayed <whimper><sob>
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-09-09 13:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Tim looked back and smiled sheepishly "It's a long story"
____________________
I giggle snorted.
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-09-09 12:59:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought the transition form horror to comedy and back was a little too abrupt, but what the hell do I know? You've got real knack for fiction. I liked it.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-09-09 12:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That would be hysterical in retrospect- "Remember that time that I pissed off Satan so badly that he... Ah, good times."
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2004-09-09 12:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This had a modern day twiight zone feel to it, I liked it.
Submitted by indepth25 (user info) at 2004-09-09 11:33:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew you were dark and distrubed, but damn... is it wrong to enjoy your work so much! Not that I'm complaining but it's a nice to have a little change from the Necro series (In no way does this mean stop writing that series!)
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-09-09 10:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. I liked this a lot.
Definitely one of the best authors on this site.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2004-09-09 10:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess this is kind of a continuation of this story.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/43650
Mostly it's just about two losers...