Fuckin' Eyetalians (1103 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.5 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Schwarzes_Glas (View user info) at 2004-09-09 17:08:20 EDT
I was driving home from a lousy night with my bitchy girlfriend. I drop her off and I'm heading home, when one of those wanna-be dago greaseball fucks cuts me off.
You know, the kind of bitch who preaches to everyone about being Italian - flag stickers, greasy black hair, Tony Soprano walk complete with Jersey/Brooklyn accent - yet knows more about aftermarket Grand Am parts than anything having to do with the country of Italy.
I'm half Irish and Italian and I hate these fuckin' people. (inspired from Rock) - I love Italians, but I HATE wops. But nothing surpasses my hatred for phoniness.
I let it go. Yet, I'm a total hypocrite on the road. I always preach about peoples' ridiculous anger about stupid things. Granted, I'm a rager, but lately people get pissed off even if you PASS them.
So I get up next to this fuckin' "American-Italian" at the light and look over. Shit... I've quickly locked eyes with him, and there are four more of the brown fucks in the car. I can smell the deep woods OFF from my car (Tommy cologne in mass quantity).
Of course, since this retarded, mobster wanna-be fuckin' bean collector is with all of his degenerate fuckin' olive garden frequenting greaseball friends, he's got balls.
"Fuck you."
And they all start laughing. If they knew I had Irish blood in me, they'd be even happier. Why? That's the way fake Italians (American-Italians) are, in case you didn't know. They just HAVE to hate the Irish because ITALIAN HISTORY says.... - wait, they couldn't tell you.
I got so fuckin mad. I couldn't control myself. So I roll down and lean out my window, and holler "MOTHERFUCKING CUNT!!" but here's the thing. I don't even know why I did this - it was instinct. I reached in my coat as though I were pulling out a gun WHILE I was saying this. I hear "Holy shit motherfuckin....&%#@&%#&%@#@" and some other shit I couldn't make out, and they TAKE OFF. I mean, they FLY right through the light.
I watch them fly down the road, and all of a sudden - what! They get pinched! Yep! I take a few spins around, and LOOK! Now they're ALL outside of the car (which is being searched) and the driver was being given a field sobriety test! Vengeance is mine.
Be proud of your heritage - but never forget who you are, or where you're from.
...or else a constantly-oppressed American-Irishman will outwit you.
User Reviews
Submitted by MickGinny (user info) at 2005-01-24 16:41:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You feckin half mick half guinea bastard!
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2005-01-24 16:39:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2005-01-24 16:38:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Erin Go Fuck You is what that flag should say.
Submitted by Vomit (user info) at 2005-01-24 16:35:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
college guy is a retard.
Submitted by Feijuada (user info) at 2005-01-24 16:33:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who says that carrying guns is bad?!
Submitted by keirzty34 (user info) at 2005-01-24 16:29:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
great!!! sucks that college guy ruined your perfect 2.
Submitted by Chronicles_of_College_Guy (user info) at 2004-12-10 21:06:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by lazernuts (user info) at 2004-10-03 00:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lazernuts <lazernuts.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-03 00:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sketch9 (user info) at 2004-09-15 17:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.
i hate wops. italians, by and large, are a likeable people. and i love the food, but i hate people that make it a point to include the phrase "im italian" into every conversation.
--------------------
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-10 13:58:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
I used my Italianness a few times similarly. I once pulled out an air-soft replica 9mm Beretta on some fucks in a Tahoe in CT - scared the shit out of them - that fucker looks real!
--------------------
i think it was the gun that scared em, not the italian behind it.
Submitted by Scotsman (user info) at 2004-09-15 17:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't you guys just be American and leave it at that.
Anyway...Go Irish :)
Submitted by Joe at 2004-09-12 15:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-10 13:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used my Italianness a few times similarly. I once pulled out an air-soft replica 9mm Beretta on some fucks in a Tahoe in CT - scared the shit out of them - that fucker looks real!
Submitted by goatasskilla (user info) at 2004-09-10 10:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pow pow!!
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-09 18:05:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2004-09-09 17:17:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lot of not-so-hot posts today. This is NOT one of those.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-09-09 17:11:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck phonies.