If Only.... (349 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.4 on 5 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Josh (View user info) at 2004-09-10 05:09:31 EDT
Well hello hello, I haven't actually posted here before and have never generally shared anything I have written...but I decided to share this and hopefully get some constructive criticism.
Well here it is....
If Only...
Life is not a means in itself, but rather a journey that we all make with its individual hardships and moments of joy.
"Don't worry about it Adam" the girl pleaded, "It's fine and you don't need to worry about it, OK"
Her Birthday was in two weeks time and Adam has been frantically making the final arrangements. While Rachel considered this to be only a trivial matter, Adam wanted her last birthday to be a memorable one.
"I don't know why you're bothering with all this, it's nothing important" Rachel stated for the millionth time.
"Sorry for caring and loving you sis" came the sarcastic reply.
At that moment there was a knock on the door before the doctor proceeded into the room. They both knew what he was here for, and the long awaited news that he brought with him... "Well Rachel" he started "It seems like we have been able to control most of the cancer and it appears that for the moment you're going to be just fine" came the gleeful statement.
Rachel and Adam hadn't been used to hearing good news in quite some time and this reflected in their smiles of relief.
As the doctor left the room Rachel turned to Adam with that all too familiar smile on her face "What did I tell you, there was nothing to worry about". Adam knew better than this, it wasn't the first time that the two had been given false hope from doctors that had said that everything was fine. Adam still remembered his mother's smile, so similar to his sister's, and the way in which she seemed to be in control of every aspect of her life, that is, except the cancer that so suddenly claimed her life all those years ago.
The sun was warm on her young face, and her brother's eyes watched peacefully as she awoke from her pleasant slumber. She hadn't been home for almost a year now, but soon her time would come and this ordeal of their lives would be over.
Adam had put his life on hold, giving up his childhood dream of becoming a lawyer, well for the time being he thought.
"Did you sleep at all?" came Rachel's first remarks of the morning,
"You know me, a few hours here and there and I am fine" was the reply.
Adam had a lot of arrangements to make today, one of which included the trip to the post office to send off the invitations in anticipation that all could attend.
The time went by quickly and without event, it was only about a week until Rachel's party now and Adam was finally content with the arrangements. He didn't want to believe the doctors, but he still wondered how much longer she had. Such a waste he thought, how could someone so young be able to accept that death was breathing its cold breath upon her. These were things that Adam thought about almost every night as he watched the sister that he loved so much slide further and further away from him.
Three days from the big event and a day before Rachel was ready to finally check out of hospital and return home...and what a homecoming she would receive! Her treatment had been progressing successfully and things were looking more optimistic every day that went by.
Adam entered the room quietly and placed the flowers in the vase next to the bed of the sleeping girl. It would be several hours before she would wake Adam thought to himself, so he decided to sit down and start reading. Which was something Adam had only recently started, having a lot of time to himself he discovered the messages inside books and appreciated the deeper meanings that he could find in them.
"Geek"
Adam looked up, Rachel was now sitting up in her bed and still squinting while her eyes adjusted to the sunlight.
Rachel had never been much of a reader, and quite often teased her brother about his newfound interest in books.
Adam set his book down and walked to his sister's bed before kissing her on the head and telling her "Yeah, well at least the people in the book show me a bit more respect". He got a smile for that comment.
Rachel yawned and stretched her arms outward, as though trying to hug something that wasn't there. As much as she appeared to not be too perturbed by it, Rachel was actually looking forward to returning home and having a party with the friends that she had scarcely seen since she had been admitted to hospital, all having their own commitments and lives to live out while she sat in a hospital bed with only an overprotective brother for company.
The sun had slipped gracefully below the horizon and the stars were brighter than ever in the barely cloudy sky. Adam and Rachel were anxious about the coming day, her first steps out of the hospital in three hundred and eleven days to be exact.
Through strangely Rachel had become quite faint and disoriented in the hours leading into the afternoon. Adam thought that some food might help and as he left the quiet room his sister smiled through an otherwise pale face, "You know, I love you Adam". Adam could only manage a smile as he left the room.
When Adam returned he noticed his sister lying gracefully in her bed, eyes closed as though nothing could ever worry her again. He didn't know how right he was.
As he approached her bed he observed her emotionless face, the fear overwhelmed him almost instantly and his walk turned into a run as he reached his sister's bedside.
Adam held up his sister's cold hand and shook her shoulder, gently at first, but soon he was shaking her violently and demanding that she stop playing games and wake up.
The tears fell softly down his face as the nurses wheeled his now dead sister out of the room. The doctor, who had been with Rachel throughout the entirety of her struggle, was also visibly disturbed by what had just happened.
He could only offer a few words to Adam, who was completely inconsolable. "There was nothing we could have done, the cancer just consumed her without warning". The doctor left, leaving Adam alone in the room which had been the centre of his universe for the past three hundred and eleven days or so.
Her last works..."I love you Adam"... and all he could manage was a smile, he cursed at himself. If only he had told her that he also loved her or that every night he wished that it was him in the bed and not her, so much anger and regret consumed the young man that he was unable to remove his hands from his face and stop the tears from rolling down the soft skin of his unblemished face.
Life is not a means in itself, but rather a journey that we all make with its individual hardships and moments of joy, that creates the person inside of us.
Twelve years of sorrow could not mend Adam's broken heart, he had lived Rachel's joys and experienced her hardships and when she died a part of him left with her.
Twelve years of sorrow had inspired Adam to become the lawyer that he dreamed of.
He knelt at her gravestone in his expensive Versaci suit "Rachel, her youth did not reflect her strength" the inscription read. While the anger was long gone, the sorrow remained, and it was the sorrow that turned Adam into the compassionate, giving person that he was...the very person that now contemplated sliding the blade in his hand along the soft skin of his wrist...if only to end the pain.....if only....
User Reviews
Submitted by Dustbrother (user info) at 2005-02-26 00:08:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-10 07:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
avaerage at best.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-10 06:17:11 EDT (#)
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meh
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-09-10 05:32:10 EDT (#)
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http://www.ubersite.com/m/44509
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-10 05:18:17 EDT (#)
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Dumas, you are not.