My midnight rendezvous and how it can happen to you too! (884 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.91 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <xenon> (View user info) at 2004-09-10 13:38:20 EDT
Well, I can't guarantee that it will work for you too, but it did for me...once at least.
Anyway, last night as my wife and I were in bed around 10:30, we were doing our usual pre-zonked-out talking about nonsense. The subject turned to our first time. We both married as virgins, and we'd never seen a person of the opposite sex nude in person. Pictures...sure! So, both of us were obviously, pretty naive. (let the flaming begin for that paragraph)
I asked her to recount what she thought when she first saw me naked. Here's a rough transcription of our conversation.
Wife (W): Well, for one thing, you're balls were HUGE!
Me (M): (laughs)
W: I mean, I knew you had a big dick already from what you told me and from touching it through your clothes, but I had no idea testicles were that large.
M: How big did you expect them to be?
W: I don't know, like a ping-pong ball size or something.
M: (confused/awkward silence followed by) What the hell?!
W: HEY, I had no clue, alright?
M: I guess so, but a ping-pond ball. I'd look like some sort of circus-freak with a sack that small.
W: I realize that now.
M: (moving the topic along) Well, your tits looked pretty normal to me, but your pussy was a little different than I expected.
W: How so?
M: Well, because it was shaved, it looked like a mouth if I turned my head sideways to look at it.
W: HEY!
M: I expected it to started flapping and say something like, "Me me me me me me me," like Beaker from the Muppets.
(at this point, she starts kicking me and grrrring at me...I move in for the kill)
I jump on top of her and begin nibbling her neck while snarling and grrring back. She's squealing in delighted terror as my member starts swelling.
My nibbling slowly turned to kissing and sucking on her neck, ear lobes, and nipples. The grrrings turn to moanings and I slide my dick betwen between her thighs to start grinding her groin.
Soon enough, she was begging to have me "make her a dirty girl."
So, I did what any self-respecting American male would do and fucked her brains out for an hour.
Damn, it was hard to get up at 6 this morning.
User Reviews
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2005-01-13 08:32:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Midnight_Laydee (user info) at 2004-09-10 19:09:17 (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm, was happily reading along and then you had to go and get all dirty, didn't you. Damn I'm horny now. It's 12:10am no men around so not a chance of getting laid tonight. Damn you.
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woah, there. you did read the part about me having a wife and all, right?
Submitted by Midnight_Laydee (user info) at 2004-09-10 19:09:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hmmm, was happily reading along and then you had to go and get all dirty, didn't you. Damn I'm horny now. It's 12:10am no men around so not a chance of getting laid tonight. Damn you.
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2004-09-10 17:47:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You've got elephantitis of the testicles. I suggest you see a doctor for that.
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-09-10 15:45:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure,
They're the balls that I like best.
And my balls are always bouncing,
To the left and to the right.
It's my belief that my big balls should be held every night.
You've got big balls!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-10 15:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
TMI
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:49:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Xenon, any similarities?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44552
EEEGHAD! NO!
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey Xenon, any similarities?
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44552
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is truly hilarious. I'll make sure I can work in a xenon reference on my next post for you.
It might not make any sense but at least it will be there.
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:14:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for making me suddenly think my balls were small. Enjoy it you sasquatch-ball having freak.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:11:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not too big.
Like tennis ball size or something.
J/k
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:09:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Godlovesalittlelovin - I actually used your screen name in that talk last night too. I couldn't think of a funny way to incorporate it into the story, though.
She said something about in the Bible how it says the wife shouldn't deny the husband sex (or something to that effect. I agreed and said, "That's right. God loves a little lovin'." She agreed too. :)
Submitted by jzuska (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I think your balls might be freakishly too big.
Maybe you have ball-cancer.
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't expect your balls to be that big the first time I saw them as well. I swear to god I could play soccer with just one of them.
Submitted by WhatTheHell (user info) at 2004-09-10 14:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus fucking christ... how big are those balls ?
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-09-10 13:47:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"M: I expected it to started flapping and say something like, "Me me me me me me me," like Beaker from the Muppets."
+2 just for that.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-10 13:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's a +2 for you and your huge balls.