newsflash!! (438 hits)
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Submitted by screaney (View user info) at 2004-09-10 15:34:14 EDT
(the following is an essay written by 50 cent in grade 12 before he turned pro-gangster...i found this on google using the key search words "50 cent cool nice guy"; i hope you like it)
editors note: i had to translate a lot of this from ebonics to english while retaining the ghetto attitude embodied in this piece. i hope it retains its original sentiment.
WHAT IT MEANS TO BE "GANGSTA" - by 50 cent
today i walked down the road and saw an elderly couple arguing. it was an older man in a stupid looking electric scooter yelling at his even more aged mistress. you know the kind of scooter constrained to sidewalk driving, it was one of those. well, they were arguing about how he had paid too much for his viagra refills at the pharmacy. the bitch was moaning that they should have had a discount because he was a long-time user and had a subscription to the blood pumping penis pills.
well, i got an earful of this bullshit arguement while waiting for my pimp ride. i just couldn't contain my anger at having to listen to this fucking cacaphony of decripit wailing and geriatric carping. in a flash of anger, matched only by that of mighty zeus, i burst out in vehement fury. i smacked the old bitch down to the pavement with a fistful of mean, and disconnected the power to that limp dick's scooter and pushed him into oncoming traffic. he rolled innocently into the far lane and flipped over...no, he bounced over the hood of a 1996 toyota corolla, fracturing his skull on the windshield, and breaking his leg as he concussed the pavement. it was like an acrobatic performance at the circus, except there was more blood and screaming this time. i love the way he was ejected from his scooter upon impact, while he went tumbling vertically into the car, his scooter took a hard hit and was splintered into inscrutable pieces. while the bitch was wimpering from this gash to her face inflicted my yours truly, i started strangling her and telling her that 'everything was going to be just fine' in the calmest voice i could manage.
i picked her up by the throat and threw her, like the rag doll that she was, into the glass entrance of this up-scale, urban cafe. the patrons started shrieking in fear, but it was okay as i silenced them with my trusty samurai sword i kept strapped to the inside of my jacket on sunny days such as this. i did all sorts of stealth kill moves on them. there must have been about 8 fatalities in all, including the hostess and owner. hahhaahahah.....it was a good time...they were all white too.
next time those old fucks better watch what they say in public or else i will fuck them over....dead...this is how my inner gangster came to fruition. word.
- 50 cent
PS. yo, teacher! you better give me an A+ on this shit or else i will fuck your day up bitch!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-12 18:27:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
sorry buddy, this sucked.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-09-10 16:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Lenny: Yeah, he got injured on the job and they sent him home with
pay. Pfft. It's like a lottery that rewards stupidity.
Homer: Stupidity, eh?
King-Size Homer
Submitted by ASSMAN (user info) at 2004-09-10 16:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It was the most I ever threw up, and it changed my life forever.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer Goes To College
Submitted by Shay (user info) at 2004-09-10 15:56:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
He did not make it to the 12 grade, liar.
Submitted by big_wigger (user info) at 2004-09-10 15:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh please, like he ever got past 4th grade