The Amazing Malcolm Starr (585 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.09 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by tshia (View user info) at 2004-09-12 05:39:38 EDT
Malcolm Starr was a world-class boxer. He was a gigantic man who stood close to seven feet tall and weighed over 300 pounds. In addition Malcolm was really fast, he could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. Also Malcolm was married to a beautiful woman, he had won the lottery, and everyone he met liked him immediately, for Malcolm life was good.
Malcolm's major claim to fame in the boxing world was that he had never lost a match, in fact he had never even been hit and he had been in hundreds of matches. Malcolm was fast, and he was very smart, he could dodge his opponent's punches and always knew the best time to unleash his own devastating attacks. Malcolm trained hard every day, he ran for miles, he jumped rope, swam laps, and drank eggs raw, everything was going good for Malcolm except for one thing. He had one terrible irrational fear.
Ever since Malcolm saw the movie "The Truman Show" he had a terrible suspicion that his life was a big fake, as if it were all a big TV show. "After all" he thought, "How could anyone's life be this perfect?" So Malcolm went to a psychologist for a couple of weeks and soon his crazy fears were gone.
One night Malcolm was going into the biggest fight of his life, the match that would determine the next heavy weight champion of the world. Tonight he would fight Frankie the Fist. Malcolm sat in his corner of the ring and got mentally prepared; he took off his robe and stood up. The bell rang. An announcer called out "Flight!" Malcolm looked confused for a second and looked to the announcer.
A man standing in the audience wearing a visor and sunglasses got up and yelled "Cut! Cut! The line is supposed to be FIGHT! Ok, take two people". Malcolm gasped as he realized all his crazy fears weren't so crazy after all, they were true! And then Frankie the fist punched him in the head so hard that he died.
The end
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-09-13 21:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Like I said... You're a bitch.
It's nice that you can prove it over and over.
Submitted by tshia2 (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks method but I think you should be more concerned with what you would do if you were a pathetic loser who friters away his entire life trying to make friends in an online forum to compensate for his desperate loneliness. Becuase you will never be a giant...
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-13 05:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If I were a giant, I would pick you up, tie you to a bungee cord, and fling you repeatedly into a brick wall.
Submitted by tshia2 (user info) at 2004-09-13 00:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey stabkill I can picture what its like to be your friend too.
Stabkill and a petrock are sitting in a room. Stabkill says "Rock you are my only friend" The rock breaks.
I like how you don't even try to disguise the fact that you rate the poster and not the post though, good work on that. By the way just because you are insecure about people talking about you behind your back doesn't mean I am, try harder next time.
Oh and Tom, have you realized that nobody anywhere likes you anymore? By the way when are your collegehumor updates coming out? I would really enjoy reading those. Post a link, would you?
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-09-12 21:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awful? Awful entertaining! +2's for all!
Submitted by melissa4 (user info) at 2004-09-12 21:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
uhhh...
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-12 20:55:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Awful.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-12 14:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2004-09-12 14:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I WANNA FUCK YOU LIKE AN ANIMAL
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2004-09-12 14:31:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-09-12 10:04:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
You are a major bitch.
I can picture what it is like to be your friend, and here it is.
"Oh shit, it's the bitch." Your friend says quietly to another friend upon watching you pull up in a car. "Hi, tshia! It's nice to see you."
... blah blah blah (some random bullshit conversation) blah blah blah ...
You leave.
Friend: "God damn, what a stupid cunt. Everytime I talk to her, I have a gut instinct that makes me want to kick her in the face."
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2004-09-12 11:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the Truman Show rocks. I still don't dare masturbate or do anything unholy, because I knów there's someone watching.
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-09-12 10:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2004-09-12 10:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are a major bitch.
I can picture what it is like to be your friend, and here it is.
"Oh shit, it's the bitch." Your friend says quietly to another friend upon watching you pull up in a car. "Hi, tshia! It's nice to see you."
... blah blah blah (some random bullshit conversation) blah blah blah ...
You leave.
Friend: "God damn, what a stupid cunt. Everytime I talk to her, I have a gut instinct that makes me want to kick her in the face."
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-09-12 09:12:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What an immense conclusion.