kids have too much time... (1312 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: goodfiction
Rating: 1.55 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Corn Nugget (View user info) at 2004-09-12 06:57:12 EDT
My daughter brought home a new friend. I believe her name is Xu-Shwang, but I could be wrong, I've never been good with remembering names, expecially not foriegn names. Her family must be new to the country- Xu's english is choppy and heavily accented.
They play in the sandbox constantly. I feel guilty about this, because I know it's full of cat-poop. I don't think they can get sick from cat-poop, so I let them play. Kids will be kids! I stand there in my robe, flicking my cigarette into the drain and sipping my margarita, watching them from the window.
Gloria clambers up to the porch and yells to me, "Mom, we're giong to Xu's house!". I nod at her from my place at the window, and she runs back to the sandbox where Xu is still sitting, hands submurged in the sea of sand and cat-poop.
I can hear the commercial ending on the t.v., so I quickly soak my cigarette butt in a stream of water, throw it in the trash, and go back to the couch. It's nice that Gloria has a friend, I need this time to relax and watch my soaps without inturruption.
After a few weeks of this I become curious about Xu's family, as any good mother would. I wonder what they are like, and I'm interested to meet the people my daughter has been spending time with. Maybe her mother will cook sweet-and-sour chicken for us.
"Mom, we're going to Xu's house!"
"Wait! Wait!" I rush to the door and slip my flip-flops on. "I'd like to meet Xu's parents, I'll come with you today!" Gloria gives me a blank look, shrugs, and walks slowly to the sandbox.
The sun accosts my eyes when I leave the house, bugs fly at me from every angle, I start sweating right away. I hate being outside! I crouch down near the sandbox, watching them dig. They seem to really have some drive and ambition at such a young age- throwing sand about and diging with purpose.
"Are you girls ready?" I say, wiping the sand from my mouth. They promptly ignore me. I see that they have dug down to something... a hole. A hole! This can't be safe! Cat poop in the sandbox was the least of my worries- the whole sandbox seems to be lacking in structural integrity!
whooosh
Xu is gone.
whooosh
Gloria is gone.
They fell in the hole! My daughter fell in a hole in the sandbox! I put my chocolate aside, and rush over to peer in. I can feel gravity pulling me towards the hole- it's like a vacuum (me, being a dust-bunny). Before I know it, the entire top half of my body is inside the hole.
I kick my legs furriously- I try to grab hold to the earth. The suction is too much, and my entire body quickly falls in.
At this point I blacked out.
When I came to I was a bit confused. I've never been the type of woman to have fainting spells (of course, I'm used to passing out after a few strong margaritas, but that is a different feeling, entirely). The sky above me was unremarkable, but the rest is worth remarking on.
I was in a field, surrounded by nothing but other fields populated by people with pointy white hats. I laid there, silently, trying to get my bearings, and I was very relieved to see the girls come out of the thatched house that sat off to my right. I did take a second to wonder how a house that appeared to be made of sticks could stand for more than a day, but I quickly turned my attention back to the girls. They didn't seem hurt.
"Mom, get up... come meet Xu's parents." I looked over their shoulders and saw two small chinese people come out the door and walk towards me. I couldn't tell the mother from the father- they were both dainty and feminine looking to my western eyes.
Apparently Gloria had managed to dig a hole to China. I hope they have a t.v. in there... my soaps would be starting in a minute.
User Reviews
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2008-01-17 17:26:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
great stuff, hilarious
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-13 22:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know- I am a supervisor of the Movie department (among other things, but primarily movies and cd's) at work... and I NEVER watch movies.
Well, I saw The English Patient the other day... I cried.
But I think that was just because I had PMS.
Submitted by chilivomitstain (user info) at 2004-09-13 21:43:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
In the movie Super Fuzz, Dave Speed falls from a balloon into the ground all the way to China. Remember that movie?
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-13 09:16:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I really enjoyed this.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-09-12 23:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by melissa4 (user info) at 2004-09-12 21:26:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff.
Submitted by Degreeless3 (user info) at 2004-09-12 20:12:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nuggs, the estimated time until the hole to china is finished is about 48 hours. I'll let you know when we can get some real fried rice.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-12 19:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
there seems to be an unusual fixation with the cat-poop senario.
Munkey- I told you not to tell everyone about my glue sniffing episodes!!
Shandy- Whew, I was worried about your reception of my ending.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-12 19:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
man, if I sniff glue will I write like this too?
Wow, that rhymed.
Deep.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-12 18:55:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What is toxoplasmosis?
Toxoplasmosis is an infection caused by a single-celled parasite called Toxoplasma gondii. The parasite is found throughout the world. More than 60 million people in the United States probably carry the Toxoplasma parasite, but very few have symptoms because the immune system usually keeps the parasite from causing illness. However, pregnant women and those with compromised immune systems should be cautious because a Toxoplasma infection can cause serious problems.
How can I get toxoplasmosis?
Through accidental ingestion of contaminated cat feces. This can occur if you accidentally touch your hands to your mouth after gardening, cleaning a cat's litter box, or touching anything that has come into contact with cat feces.
+2 for potential human-feline ass-to-mouth.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-09-12 18:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
great, though i think better without the gimmick at the end
just kidding! i love the suprise ending on this one.
Submitted by Skippy (user info) at 2004-09-12 18:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yup toxoplasmosis, oh by the way its fatal if left untreated.
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-09-12 13:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cat shit can give you toxoplasmosis.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-12 13:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2004-09-12 13:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-12 13:04:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think they can get sick from cat-poop, so I let them play
Ofcourse they can get sick from playing in feces.
***
I know this, Falco...
The woman was supposed to be portrayed as stupid, lazy, and careless... hence, her not knowing or caring enough about her child to stop her from playing in poop.
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-12 13:04:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think they can get sick from cat-poop, so I let them play
Ofcourse they can get sick from playing in feces.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-09-12 11:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2004-09-12 11:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You got a nice tan from the core? I hear it's hot this time of... time.
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-09-12 10:56:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sweet ass
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-12 10:49:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A story about kids playing in cat poop has to rock.
Submitted by sg11588 (user info) at 2004-09-12 10:46:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...What...the fuck.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2004-09-12 10:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a cute story.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-12 09:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-09-12 09:02:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-09-12 07:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
THIS is why I think you're going to finish really well in UM.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-12 07:26:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-09-12 07:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope I don't have to go up against nugget in madness.