Revenge Is Best Served Cold-- But What's Cooler Than Cold? Ice Cold (5504 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.91 on 199 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sideburns (View user info) at 2004-09-13 01:33:32 EDT
I sometimes find myself thinking about my first love. The indistinguishable flare of the bright flame that couldn't be burned out by the most determined firefighter is indeed interdependent on what society considers two young children.
"I'll never hurt you like those other girls did."
It's happened over and over. Your mind and heart are so weak that you keep falling for the same line over and over. The sincere look in her eyes when she tells you that she'll never hurt you, lie to you-- deceive you.
The deceit only starts there.
Blind deceit.
Blind love.
Blind intentions. But oh so sincere intentions.
"What do you see in this girl?", I'd be asked by the masses.
Much like when someone asks you to recite a poem about a brick on the wall on the spot-- my mind drew a blank each and every time.
I don't know what I saw in her.
From the moment I asked her to be mine, I was in a much better mood than usual. I had a purpose in waking up each morning. The sun glaring through the window was no longer a burden on my face-- but a welcoming unto the new day.
Keeping the mushy details to a minimum, she was incredible. Everyone had a girl like her. Everyone.
At one point or another, you've had a girl in your life that you felt honored to have. You cherished every second she spent wasting away the time with you.
You feel abandoned when you find out she is just as friendly with every other guy as well.
Why am I suddenly now recollecting about this?
Why am I opening up this late about something that happened over a year ago?
You tell me.
Why does the sun circle the Earth in such a perfect synchronized manner?
You tell me.
February 27, 2001.
"Alicia, can you tell me again why you're meeting with this guy?"
"He's the teacher of my palates class. I want to talk to him about some methods I can do to make myself more flexible."
"So-- you have to meet him for dinner?"
"Yea, it's just dinner. It's no big deal Justin."
"No big deal? You're dressing up. I've never seen you dress up like this. The last time you looked like this, I was taking you to prom."
"It's a fancy restaurant downtown. He recommended it and he's paying. I'm just being a courteous guest, that's all."
"Well, does he know you have a boyfriend? Is he bringing a date?"
"I dunno. I guess he knows about you."
"You guess? What the hell? A guy invites you to a fancy restaurant for dinner to ''talk about advanced techniques'' and the fact that you had a boyfriend didn't come up at ALL during the conversation?"
I was flaming mad. Pissed beyond belief. I was always overly possessive of any girl I had ever dated, but this was ridiculous. If you have a boyfriend, in my opinion, you shouldn't be going out to fancy restaurants with other guys.
Not another word was said. She grabbed her purse, took one last look in the mirror, and walked out the door. Why does she not want to spend a Friday night with me?
Because things change. People change.
<ring>
"Hey Daryl, it's Justin. Feel like hanging out tonight?"
"Sure. Where are you and Alicia going? I'll just meet you guys there."
"It's just me."
"What?"
"Yea, shocking. She's never gone anywhere on a weekend without me. Look-- I don't wanna talk about it. I just need to get out to take my mind off of things. Feel like shooting some hoops?"
"Sure. Let's go to the batting cage first. Bring your bat."
As I retrieved my bat, a warm feeling rushed over my body and gave me chills as I pictured myself bashing in the head of whomever Alicia was eating dinner with at this exact moment. I looked in the mirror on my way out, knowing that the person in that mirror couldn't bring himself to do anything remotely harmful to another person, no matter how vicious they were.
"Damn, bro! You hit a homerun on almost every single ball that came your way! What the hell's up? You only hit like that when you're pissed bro."
I smiled to Daryl as I lifted my bat and took another swing at the ball coming my way. I pictured a head. I didn't have a face to go with it. That made me even more determined.
Swoosh. Smack.
Oh, it felt so good.
That night, I got home around midnight, expecting Alicia to be there. After all, she had left at 8 o'clock. It doesn't take 4 hours to eat. Besides, she only gets a salad every time we go out.
"Alicia?"
"Alicia? You here?"
My calls were unanswered.
I checked the answering machine. She didn't even call. She's still gone. I sat on the couch and flipped on the TV. By 1 o'clock, I had already passed out into a peaceful sleep.
I woke up with the sun glaring in my eyes and noticed the TV was still on. I looked at the clock--
7:30 AM.
I walked into the bedroom to see Alicia sprawled out on the bed, sleeping just fine without the confinement of my arms. Unusual. Very unusual. She used to whine and cry when I didn't go to bed the same time she did for the simple reason that she couldn't fall asleep without me holding her.
She was sleeping. I wasn't holding her.
"So, where were you last night?", I asked her as she opened her box of cereal.
"I told you where I went!", she said in a defensive manner.
"What'd you do? Did you eat?"
"Yea."
"What time did you get home?"
"I dunno. Around midnight."
"Try again. I was home at midnight and stayed up until 1. You weren't here."
"Whatever, just let me eat and go to work. I'll talk to you later." She grabbed her keys, stopped at the mirror to give herself another look, and walked out.
My eyes watered up. I was losing her.
Things change. People change.
I walked up to the mirror that we had bought together when we first moved in. I stared deep into the mirror, seeing the reflection of the history of goodbyes we shared in front of its confinements. I saw her dragging me to the door and gripping onto my sleepy body for a good minute or two before finally letting go. I saw a long kiss goodbye and the uttered words 'I love you'.
It was a ritual. She'd wake up early because she had to be to work before me, but she'd drag me to the door anyway and hug me and kiss me right in front of that mirror. The flashback was ruined by the present. The here and now.
I stared at my sad, tired frame. The mirror reflected exactly how I looked.
Things change. People change.
"Jasmine Spa and Healthclub, this is Ann, how may I help you?"
"Yes ma'am, I'd like to sign up for the pilates class."
"Yes sir, it's three days a week. Monday, Wednesday and Friday. We have morning classes and afternoon classes. Which one are you interested in?"
Alicia was signed up for the afternoon classes.
"Morning, please."
"Alright Mr. Justin, we'll see you here tomorrow morning. Thank you for signing up and we'll look forward to shaping you up."
My jealousy was eating away at the inside of me. Alicia was shying away from me and toward someone else. I knew exactly who, but I didn't have a name or face to go with it. The anonimity of the guy taking my girl away from me made the situation ten times worse. I had to meet him for myself.
"Relax. Now lift your back leg up. Great. Hold. 2. 3. 4. And release."
I was one of only two guys in the class. The other happened to be gay, so it didn't help too much with my manliness. But I wasn't here for my masculinity. I was here to protect my love, my future. The man teaching the class had chiseled muscles beyond belief. He was the exact same size as me but way more refined. His long hair was in a ponytail. He had an accent-- he was most likely Spanish.
After class, I planned on walking right out after surveying my competition.
But I'm Sideburns. I'm way too stubborn.
"Hi, my name's Justin. I'm new to your class."
"Yea, hey buddy! I saw you back there. Very good for your first time. I hope to see more of you. My name's Rick."
"Oh you should-- my girlfriend takes the evening classes, so I figured I'd try it out."
"Oh really? Who's your girlfriend?"
"Alicia B--"
Before I even finished her name, the expression on his face was priceless. It was if I just told him that his dog had died. It was obvious he was interested in her by his reaction. It was also obvious she had neglected to inform him she was taken.
He seemed like a nice guy.
But things change. Most importantly, people change.
That weekend, I had every intention of taking my girl out to a nice restaurant.
"Alicia, ready for dinner tonight?"
"Wha-- oh shit! I totally forgot! I'm soo sorry Justin!"
"What do you mean? I asked you everyday this week if you were still going!"
"I know-- it just slipped my mind. Earlier today I made plans to go out with someone."
"Who?"
"Nobody important."
"Is it a guy?"
"Justin! Stop being so jealous."
She gave herself one last look before disappearing out the door. That mirror held our memories.
She wouldn't let me catch a break. I had been working double shifts and I just wanted to spend time with the girl that I love more than life itself. She won't even give me the benefit. I punched the wall with my fist in a rage as she disappeared out the door, in hopes she'd turn around and ask what was wrong.
She didn't. And now I have a hole in my wall and a bloody fist.
The rage inside me built up. The rare feeling that I get in my stomach was back.
When I'm nervous, scared, or extremely angry, my stomach will suck in over and over again and my breathing will pick up dramatically.
I knelt over the bathroom sink as I bandaged up my fist, looking into the mirror as I did so. I was staring at the nicest, sweetest guy in the world that would do anything for anyone.
But things change. People change.
<ring>
"Hello?"
"Hey Daryl. It's Justin. What you doing tonight?"
"Me and Sarah are going to grab a bite to eat at Applebee's, then probably hit the bars."
"Need some company?"
"Don't tell me she--"
"Yep, two weeks in a row."
"Yea bro, c'mon. Drinks are on me."
This was weird. I had never ridden in the backseat of Daryl's car. Let alone been without a girl when I was with him. At redlights, he'd lean over and kiss Sarah. It reminded me too much of myself and Alicia.
As we drove through downtown toward the bar, I looked at all the happy couples walking down Main Street. Holding hands, cuddling, loving.
Where was I? Tagging along with a friend and his girlfriend. This was a low point.
I eyed each and every couple that we passed.
"Hey, that girl hanging on that guy looks like Alicia", Daryl blurted out.
I looked over to my right, squinting my eyes. There was Alicia. There was Rick.
There was Alicia making out heavily with Rick.
Daryl looked back at me with a worried look on his face.
"JUSTIN! DON'T YOU --"
Before he could even finish his sentence, I was out of the car, gripping onto my baseball bat that I had left in his car the previous weekend. I had no idea what I was going to do or who I was going to do it to-- but someone had to pay for my suffering. Someone besides me had to suffer.
"Hey, Justin!", Rick said as he let Alicia into the passenger seat of his truck.
"Is this your truck?"
"Yea buddy. What are you doing with that baseball bat? You're not--"
I started beating the bat against the driver's side door of his truck in front of the crowded streets.
"JUSTIN! YOU JERK! STOP IT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" is what I recall Alicia saying. I'll never forget those words. I'm the jerk? I'M the asshole?
Rick started toward me, "You fucking faggot!"
That Friday night, I lost it. Nobody insults my manhood to my face and gets away with it.
"You might be fucking my girl, but I'm fucking your truck!" is what I managed to get out as I bashed in his driver's window, watching Alicia cower against her side of the door, shaking, scared.
Wait. Alicia is scared of me.
Look at me, what the hell's happening to me?! I'm a fucking lunatic.
I let the bat drop to my side as Rick ran over to check on Alicia.
He glared at me with evil eyes. "What the hell's wrong with you? I'm glad I DID steal your girl you fucking faggot!"
What's wrong with me? I don't know. But I do know that things change.
People change.
The rage inside me returned as I ran around to the passenger side with the bat in swinging position. Rick's eyes widened as I stepped closer to him--
"I dare you, you pussy faggot!"
Don't dare a lunatic.
I swung with my full force, striking him in the side of the ribs. I pulled back.
I swung again, hitting him in the left leg. He fell to the ground.
Alicia started screaming, crying.
I dropped the bat as reality grasped me. Tears rolled from my eyes as I walked off. I didn't run. I just walked. Nobody dared to stop me until an officer told me to put my hands above my head about two blocks away from the scene.
Community service and a fine is well worth what I did. It's a slap on the wrist for a man who just had his entire life ruined by a stranger.
As I sit here, I can look over my shoulder and see that same mirror sitting in my hallway. The mirror that used to reflect happiness. Every time I walk past it, it's a stale reminder of how my life turned downhill that night. But I'm fine.
After all, things change. People change.
-Sideburns
User Reviews
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-09-17 03:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know you've since been married and all that, but still... I'm sorry, man...
Submitted by fluffy_love (user info) at 2006-09-16 06:27:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow. fucking wow.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-15 19:40:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
best ever?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-09 14:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Slighty_Obnoxious (user info) at 2006-09-09 14:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gripping
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-09 14:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, dude... brilliant.
Submitted by InsoManiac (user info) at 2005-02-28 11:36:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, same thing happened to me. Except my "Rick" was really 9 black guys.
And I never hit anyone with a bat. What you did, you did for all of us who have been wronged by the promiscuous ways of the women who have at one time stolen our hearts.
Oh yeah, and thanks for bringing back the memories asshole.
Submitted by urbaneruralite (user info) at 2005-02-23 21:00:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by lizzard (user info) at 2004-12-21 22:38:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
okay, i'm going to go cry now.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-10-10 21:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that girl was a whore..
Submitted by JasonAlexPayne <JasonAlexPayne.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-10-10 19:08:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent writing
Submitted by Neeping <neeperite.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-10-09 01:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know what? Emotional pain/damage deserves to be beated back ten times more with physical pain/damage, You did good sir, you did good.
And don't worry, you get used to that whole tagging along with your friends who are attached or whatnot, even if you don't like it.
Submitted by JonnyBoy (user info) at 2004-09-28 20:00:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Noooo! I won't believe it god damnit! I want to marry Tori, I could never stop loving her, I could never stop seeing her, I could never do it...
Well, I will probably have to at some point in time, but until then, NO!
Submitted by Purplemonkeydishwasher (user info) at 2004-09-28 19:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Thats not right man.....
shouldve gone for the head
only +1 coz that "things change people change" thing annoyed me
Submitted by strangeparadox (user info) at 2004-09-27 13:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy crap. Im sorry. relationships suck. no that dosent begin to describe it. They REALLY REALLY REALLY suck. the part of your post that hit me was something about how you believe people when they look you in the eye and say that they are different...oh if i could say i have never been that naive.
Submitted by Subjugator (user info) at 2004-09-27 13:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can completely freaking relate to his sentiments (though not the presumably fictional violence).
Somehow, when the fair lady becomes a fucking bitch and cheats on you, *WE* are the assholes when we don't like it.
I've never quite caught on to that concept. Let me see...YOU betray my trust and everything you've ever told me, and when I'm mad about it, *I* am the dick.
Yeah.
Right.
On the other hand, you are so lacking in value that it's easier to dispose of nuclear waste.
Submitted by Subjugator (user info) at 2004-09-27 13:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tlovess (user info) at 2004-09-26 01:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is excellent. I am sorry for your loss.
Submitted by pokeysrevenge (user info) at 2004-09-26 00:58:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit dude.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-23 03:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2004-09-23 03:09:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
with 200+ reviews I doubt you'll see this:
This was a very good peice of writing. Every bit of it was well thought out and perfectly spoken. Except for this:
The morror reflected exactly how I looked.
That just seems redundant and foolish. I guess that proves that you are human and falible.
---------
Weird-- I type www.ubersite.com into my search bar and when the page loads, I see this post in the latest reviewed section.
And you're right. Now that I re-read it, that does sound a bit stupid. I know what I meant by it, but it wasn't reflected in the writing. Basically, I was trying to get across that I saw old memories in the mirror, then reality struck as I saw my own pale reflection in the mirror.
Submitted by Banga3386 (user info) at 2004-09-23 03:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
with 200+ reviews I doubt you'll see this:
This was a very good peice of writing. Every bit of it was well thought out and perfectly spoken. Except for this:
The morror reflected exactly how I looked.
That just seems redundant and foolish. I guess that proves that you are human and falible.
Submitted by big_n_veiny (user info) at 2004-09-23 02:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man that made me feel sick inside.
Finding someone you love cheating on you is the worst feeling ever
Submitted by 01011010 (user info) at 2004-09-18 17:34:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tenyuki (user info) at 2004-09-16 23:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Williams_2004 <thetyrant82.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-16 09:57:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know excatly how u feel man, i went through the same with my first love, she was cheatin on me with my cousin, so i beat the shit outta him, since then, he dare not look at me twice. Good luck in the future dude
Submitted by bravo_foxtrot (user info) at 2004-09-16 06:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF??!!! I'M NOT READING ALL THA......
Wait yes I did and it was awesome.
Submitted by MrRottenTreats at 2004-09-16 05:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i know how you feel sideburns.
This post reinforces my views on you being an uber ledgend.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2004-09-15 23:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My ex-wife cheated - I feel your pain. On a good note though, I have a video tape of her screwing the guy (private investigators are great). 3 years later, I mailed a copy to the guys wife...Ahhhhh.....satisfaction.
Submitted by moke (user info) at 2004-09-15 23:01:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awsome! Great writing.
The whore is the prob. Next time leave the guy alone and lose the slut, he will get the same or worse in time.
Submitted by ALINA at 2004-09-15 19:39:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn that was good! What a trick ass hoe she was! Revenge is always so sweet!
Submitted by gamma (user info) at 2004-09-15 12:34:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome. Pure gold.
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2004-09-15 04:05:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit. i know the feeling and i fucking hate it. especially the inevitability. fucking a....
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-09-15 01:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done burns.
Submitted by antiLemming (user info) at 2004-09-15 01:32:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
... wow.
Submitted by RaptorGTA (user info) at 2004-09-15 00:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow dude....just wow....
brought back some memories here....damn
Submitted by irtehrockz0rz (user info) at 2004-09-14 23:57:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why is your life rife with so many exciting events? I live a pretty dull life in comparison...I'd like to experience just one of these stories you publish...especially those with hot high school chicks. =[ boo hoo for me. yay for sideburns.
Submitted by cwl989 (user info) at 2004-09-14 22:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sublime perfection.
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2004-09-14 20:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yep
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-09-14 19:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my condolences. been there, didn't have a baseball bat though.
whenever I read a story like this, I am reminded of a Mary Prankster song,
"each loving lie is spoken,
how we mean them at the time
identical hearts are broken
another goes to the back of the line"
Submitted by jimbo (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Outstanding.
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:38:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me cry.
-----------
If I was a chick, damn the tears would be flowing.
I feel ill now.
And as has been said repeatedly:
Fuck me can you write well
Well done. If I ever get to write as well as you I'll be very happy.
Hey, add me on AIM or msn
AIM- sebcharrot
msn- ironmaiden_kickass.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-09-14 18:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, you really had to make me feel deppressed just before bed.
I don't need posts like this, I know just what it feels like to be jealous.
Submitted by whiteboywillbite (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:33:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
turn the frown upside down. u never truely liked women in the first place...the truth
http://www.ubersite.com/m/45003
Submitted by umpirerob (user info) at 2004-09-14 16:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember her... Just wish I had taken a bat to him like you did... Awesome!
Submitted by jumpinjellyfish (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wonderful, just fucking wonderful. I have no respect for a guy who steals another guy's girlfriend. I'm glad you beat his ass with a bat.
Submitted by quack (user info) at 2004-09-14 15:09:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a rare quack. very nice. good luck in ubermadness.
Submitted by icon (user info) at 2004-09-14 14:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Assuming this is true.. I have complete and utter sympathy for you my friend. I know what you were and are feeling. Very well written. Cheers.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-09-14 12:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very poignant. Reads like a true story. Assuming that it is, I wish you the best of luck in recovering from it. Heartbreak can take years to get past.
Submitted by Grover (user info) at 2004-09-14 11:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What is it that wont allow us to let go of another person. It always feels like the end of the world. Like your losing the best relationship you'll ever have. There are so many people all around us. I totally believe that there are an endless number of people that you could have a relationship with and be happy. There will be varying degrees of happiness, but a number of people you could be happy with none-the-less. Its amazing how long we'll hang on to a relationship even when we know its on that long slow train to shitsville. I can still hear that deperate echoing I love you thats met with nothing but silence.
Bravo for all the emotion you were able to evoke. Best I've read.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-09-14 11:10:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Jesus man, why didn't you just kick her to the curb after that first night?
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-09-14 10:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fair play man... God help any guy I see gettin off with my girlfriend.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-09-14 08:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Justin...whoa. Bravo my friend.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2004-09-14 06:48:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. That was fucking awesome.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-14 06:29:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
to balance that turd below who is trying to pin it on me.
I don't do aliases.
Submitted by squattails_mom (user info) at 2004-09-14 06:18:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF?? I'M NOT READING ALL THAT
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-14 06:17:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So tell me what you want, what you really reaaly want?
i wanna, i wanna, i wanna really really wanna zig a zig aahhh!!!
Submitted by Vanilla (user info) at 2004-09-14 05:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think I can add any more praise to this than what has already been given.
But... What happened after after that night? I'm sorry, is that getting too personal?
...Yeah, wow.
Submitted by Pancakes (user info) at 2004-09-14 04:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a very well written post that strikes closer to home than I'd like to admit. I just wished I could've given you a higher rating, damn the deuce!
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2004-09-14 04:22:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved this. It inspired me to write up me and my last girlfriends end of relationship. It'n not had the publicity it deserves so I'm going to shamelessly plug it here.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44843
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2004-09-14 04:08:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good story
-Black Ninja
Submitted by Pringles4eva (user info) at 2004-09-14 03:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did you call him a beech corndog after the first swing?
Submitted by MouRNIngLoRY (user info) at 2004-09-14 01:33:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is what makes me love this site...solid writing like this.
GOOD JOB!
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-14 00:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HOLY SHIT! they are getting on the spice bus!!!! my peener is like rigamortisized wtf!!!!!!
theres goo in my underoos!
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2004-09-14 00:53:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent post. And my God thats just harsh what happened to you, just harsh.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-14 00:33:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2004-09-14 00:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sa-weet
im still winning um though. 109 ALL DA WAY
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2004-09-14 00:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was solid...I know that feeling
Submitted by drudy (user info) at 2004-09-13 23:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i agree with the post several below about how to "win" when in such a delima, but here's lyrics better than "Play The Game" about how to win when in such struggles. Rarely a song nails it down, but this is one does: http://www.songlyrics4u.com/foreigner/head-games.html
Submitted by purringbubbles (user info) at 2004-09-13 21:46:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**sends my love**
nobody deserves that. thank god the lowest bowels of hell are reserved for the wicked, the cruel, and the cheaters. oh, and maybe my tim for his racist jokes.
what's the difference between a pizza and a jew?
pizzas don't scream when you put 'em in the oven. yeah, tim's going to hell.
Submitted by DanielH (user info) at 2004-09-13 21:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I realized after looking again at your title that your revenge was not served cold at all but hot(see post below)
Submitted by danielh <daniel.at.writerspacemail.com> at 2004-09-13 21:25:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry I accidently left ranking at "0" on review, mean to give 2 for importance.
Submitted by danielh <daniel.at.writerspacemail.com> at 2004-09-13 21:22:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The only way to win these psychic/symbiotic battles is to beat women at their own game, being uber-sly--altho she's a novice at decite, obvious by her lack of cunning. You should've immediately (once you suspected anything) have made excuses for not being able to see her on expected date night, and then even again until (after she called you wondering 'What's up with him?') you make up some vague excuse for not wanting to go out, which she will immediately know is a damn lie. Her mind-set will shift back to you, and the more you keep up the game, the more she will call. I've played the game for 2 decades, on both sides of the fence, and have learned how to win. Altho it's not really winning when you have to play the game, but it sure feels better than losing. The main thing is to sincerely writer her off after you win, because you already know what she is. Listen to the old Kansas song: Play The Game. d
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44287
Submitted by comicbookguy (user info) at 2004-09-13 20:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
solid.
Submitted by Alicia at 2004-09-13 20:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm sorry Justin, your penis was just too small.
Submitted by Mike at 2004-09-13 19:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post rivals this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/44611
And you said you didn't want to face Badlands in UM...
Submitted by ugaly (user info) at 2004-09-13 19:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was a good one.
Submitted by JonnyBoy (user info) at 2004-09-13 19:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Love sucks, I think I'm losing my girl...
We are so close, but things change...
I don't know what to do, all I can do is cry
Submitted by GhostWriter (user info) at 2004-09-13 19:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was absolutely beatiful.
Submitted by Electro (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kick her ass out. no respect I tell you.
Submitted by MM_LP_Track3 (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are fucking awesome...
The same thing happened to me...but I didn't have a baseball bat and I didn't catch them in the act...
I just let it go...and a year later when we saw each other again we had sex after they got into an argument...
Karma's a bitch but so's life
Submitted by SweetBitch at 2004-09-13 18:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god......Hun! I'm so sorry.....I feel so horrible for you!
Submitted by Vomitoxin_AKA_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus 2 because I know good writing when I see it, and because I'm Cyst Master. I'm better than everyone.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you remind me of a girl I once knew...
We dated for years, first-love sort of thing. We went away to college about 45 mins apart, stayed to gether for a year and a half; stayed close. She told me she was going to this dance with a friend of hers, did I mind? No, not at all, as long as I got to meet the guy first, it was a month away. I saw her 4 times that month, every weekend, as usual, but there were always reasons that I couldn't meet him.
A week before the dance she thinks she's pregnant.
We never had sex. Waiting til we were married. That kinda thing...
"You can get pregnant from swallowing, I read something about it online."
I'm confused...needless to say, you can't get pregnant from swallowing, but I wasn't sure of this at the time. I take her to CVS, she buys a pregnancy test, and she's not pregnant. She still thinks she is.
Anyway...we break up two weeks later. One week after that, I find out from a mutual friend she's dating the dance kid.
I came to the only logical conclusion as to why she had been acting so differently, not doing the things we always did like we always did them...
I only wish I could have met the kid and had a bat handy...I still do.
That was 3 years ago, I still can't trust a girl enough to date anyone seriously.
sorry the review was so long, it was too copy-ish to be its own post...
Submitted by BonesForBucks (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Powerful piece of writing.
I had somethingsimilar happen to me.
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:05:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:32:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
...for clarification, yes it was real. ask wiki, i told her about it several months ago.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ohhh, so THAT, you remember?
Anyway.. yeah, he told me about it. When I started reading this post, I knew it was either about the baseball bat story.. or another one, which needs not be discussed.
I still love ya Burnsie.. and this post was so excellently written, I nearly cried.
<3 Mary
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
worthy of a plus 2 for the ending, which was quite powerful. wasn't that crazy about the build up.
plus 4 for chianski's comments
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-13 17:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Badass.
You are the man.
Submitted by deadSurfer (user info) at 2004-09-13 17:57:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking Spanish.
Submitted by Nobb (user info) at 2004-09-13 17:35:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you got to fuck him up.
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-09-13 17:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the best posts I've read this year. Phenomenal layout. Well done.
You got lucky. What you did is aggravated assault, and assault with a deadly weapon. Felonies, bro.
Submitted by PurplePeopleEater at 2004-09-13 17:19:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn, dude. that's gotta suck. It's shit like that that makes me glad I'm single. I feel for ya dude.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-13 17:05:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-09-13 17:05:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was shouting "Booo-urns"
Submitted by milton at 2004-09-13 17:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i feel for you man, great writing.
Submitted by DarthAwesome (user info) at 2004-09-13 16:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man.
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-09-13 16:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Chinaski and Falco's reviews rock my face off.
Submitted by JenBee (user info) at 2004-09-13 16:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahh, that made me really mad and sad. great piece of writing though.
Submitted by hamilton (user info) at 2004-09-13 16:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That guy's pretty stupid if he keeps calling a lunatic with a baseball a faggot.
That's how I'd like to go. Calling an axe murderer a fag.
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:59:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Chinaski -- best review ever.
Submitted by Chinaski (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking incredible...
It reminded me of the time my girlfriend, with whom I shared an extremely similar relationship, betrayed me and tore my heart out in front of my very eyes by flirting heavily with, dropping her hands and head into the lap of, hanging on to every word of, etc etc some bastard who was sitting in the cab with us... then going to his room later that night, leaving me alone in our hotel room.
But I got that motherfucking bastard.
Oh, I got him good.
I stuffed a mouldy quesadilla under his hotel room door.
Do you know what that must have been like for him?
Do you have any idea of the pain and suffering he must have experienced as her practiced lips sucked sweet pleasure out of his mangina?
To have the sweet scent of her young, wet, ruby flower suddenly be UTTERLY AND IMMUTABLE CORRUPTED BY THE VAGUE STENCH OF A SMALL, ROTTING PILE OF CHEESE AND TORTILLA WHICH WAFTED UP (presumably) INTO HIS NOSE?
So as I sat on my bed in my room, masturbating bitterly to the creamy, pale wrists which sensually modeled watch after watch on my TV screen, I was, for the first and only time in my young life, utterly content.
Submitted by ardubs (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:47:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amazing.
You rock my world.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...for clarification, yes it was real. ask wiki, i told her about it several months ago.
Submitted by themattcollins (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
holy shit dude. that made me depressed.
hopefully it wasn't real.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thank you-- for those of you that did indeed like this. Thank you.
Submitted by Malificent (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my God.
This is just an incredible, incredible piece of writing. People speak of betrayal and revenge all the time as if it were just another hurdle we have to face in our lives -- it's so great to see someone speak of it the way it really feels.
My heart goes out to you. This is just amazing writing, really amazing.
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin' A - straight shot to most heated...
Submitted by Lost_Gator_Fan (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:14:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very well done!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:03:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2004-09-13 14:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by knucklesnelson (user info) at 2004-09-13 14:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story sideburns!
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2004-09-13 14:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Things change. People change.
You told me this story before.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2004-09-13 14:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I know exactly how this feels .. how all of this feels. I hope it's not fucking true. I hope it's just a story you made up.
Submitted by Reese at 2004-09-13 14:13:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuckin' A! +2 on that shit!
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-13 14:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:45:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
I just finished watching spiceworld err big trucks n' shit and i thought i'd re rerate.
__________________________________________________________
HAHAHAHA!!!
Spiceworld was such a disappointment. Not a single titty found its way outside of a shirt throughout the whole GD movie.
Submitted by AndyD (user info) at 2004-09-13 14:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Legend!
Submitted by thaumaturge (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:55:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Top notch.. I was getting angry for you. I think everyone who's ever dated can relate to that feeling.. you portrayed it so well.
0.o
_____
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just finished watching spiceworld err big trucks n' shit and i thought i'd re rerate.
Submitted by Mario (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice, Sideburns. I think we've all been there at one point or another...slags.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:23:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very powerful.
Submitted by ASSMAN (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:54:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:30:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:07:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think you handled that situation any differently that most people would have. Though I'd have gone after the girl, not the guy.
>Yeah, beating women is a real manly way to go, you fucking fatass trailerpark trash heathen
_____
I'm... a girl. I didn't say he should have, I'm saying I would have. Being a girl, I'm not real worried about guarding my masculinity... because I'm a girl. Dumbass.
Submitted by DataForge22 (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is why you are one of my favorite users on the site.
Awesome...just Awesome.
Submitted by Garet_Jax (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Been there, done that (almost). I didn't think about a weapon, he was in my house and I tackled the guy. We just about killed each other right there.
Love is tough, people suck, just gotta get through.
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:30:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:07:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think you handled that situation any differently that most people would have. Though I'd have gone after the girl, not the guy.
>Yeah, beating women is a real manly way to go, you fucking fatass trailerpark trash heathen.
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:20:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God damn, burns...
God damn.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:16:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Honestly, this isn't a B@W kind of thing.
It's great, don't get me wrong. This is just the sort of thing I hope to see during UberMadness.
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:02:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a bitch-whore-slut-tramp-c word
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:55:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't write like this. Then again, I never had some coldhearted bitch do that to me. that had to feel great.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:42:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Geez, Sideburns, you REALLY outdid yourself with this one!
Big, humongozoid +2!
Submitted by Midnight_Laydee (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:37:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, totally blown away, that was an awesome read. Bravo and encore.
Thank goodness my parents brought me up to know what's right and wrong so I've never been that girl.
Oh, and when you and Falco make love, could you arrange for photos and send them to me? Midnight_Laydee81.at.hotmail.com
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:30:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So great.
Submitted by rurumon (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:24:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment
Submitted by RolusD <rolusdeplorium.at.hotmail.com> at 2004-09-13 11:23:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shweet. That rocked.
Submitted by Nator (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:21:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking ace. I want to beat someone with a baseball bat.
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:15:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and...
B@W
Submitted by Totally_useless (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is said that emotion shows itself upon a connection to the events at hand.
Simply put, it means that people feel the same when they can relate to the situation.
I had to leave my desk for 10 minutes before I could come back and write this.
DAMN, I knew I was right picking you in the predictions.
This is going on my all-time favorites list.
You are a nice guy.
Submitted by lrw (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this hit me hard... i'm in the process of analyzing some changes right now. sucks.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:07:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't think you handled that situation any differently that most people would have. Though I'd have gone after the girl, not the guy.
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-13 11:05:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I... wow. Sideburns remains my favorite author, hands-down.
Submitted by AshK (user info) at 2004-09-13 10:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by hockyman (user info) at 2004-09-13 10:50:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stin (user info) at 2004-09-13 10:46:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-09-13 10:40:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was awesome.
Submitted by shark25 (user info) at 2004-09-13 10:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn
Submitted by wazzawazzayo (user info) at 2004-09-13 10:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dang.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-13 10:24:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have been there. This post brought all of those memories back to me. It made my stomach knot up and I am shaking right now, thinking of the striking similarities.
What I took away from my situation, is that it's never the guy's fault. If your girlfriend is committed and decides to cheat on you, then the blame should be placed solely on her. However, I understand that you needed to take it out on someone. I did the same thing.
I just hope that you never do it again. It's not worth going to jail over a girl that would do that to you.
Still shaking. Good read.
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-09-13 10:12:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Naery (user info) at 2004-09-13 10:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn fine job. I don't remember the last thing I read that was so good I didn't realize it was hella long. And this was hella long. And hella good. I bet you had a helluva time kicking Rick's ass. He hella deserved it. And that was hella whack of your girl. haven't been there myself but I hella feel like I have after reading this. Hella good job.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-09-13 09:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cuberat (user info) at 2004-09-13 09:43:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ive been in almost the exact situation bro. I know what you feel.
The only way to make yourself feel better?
Beat the living fuck out of that guy till he pukes blood.
I went Eminem on the guys ass, never got caught either.
It will make it all feel so much better.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-09-13 09:01:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now you just wait and seduce her at a later date.. then afterwards dump her and make sure Rick finds out. Eaaaasy..
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-09-13 08:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm speechless.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-13 08:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. As the kids like to say...you got some mad skillz, yo.
Much respect.
Submitted by josh_t3h_ninja (user info) at 2004-09-13 08:33:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Outside the realm of one's self there can be no control, thus a relationship is built on trust. I feel for you man. Haven't personally been in that situation, but I do know loss. Anyways, thanks for the good read... didn't even notice it was long untill I was finished.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-13 08:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No no no and no... wait until it's 3 am to fuck up his shit. Stick a tin can up his
exhaust pipe, put sand and molasses in his gas tank.
Then send naked pics of your ex girlriend to every one of your friends, penthouse,
and her relatives.
That's a dish served cold!
Submitted by GeorgeBaker (user info) at 2004-09-13 08:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I have to admit, when I saw the image of that mirror loading, I sort of expected it to show my reflection, like a magic image or something. I was dissapointed to say the least.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-13 07:54:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beautiful. People most certainly do change. It breaks my heart. That's when the baseball bat comes out.
Submitted by traxzilla (user info) at 2004-09-13 07:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sad because it reminds me of "that girl," but still awesome.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-13 07:42:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
>>Much like when someone asks you to recite a poem about a brick on the wall on the spot
Oh brick in the wall, why are you there?
You remind me of my underwear!
Tight and solid and oh so confining...
Comparable to swimsuit lining.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-09-13 07:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yep, EXACTLY like apolaroid picture - hey!..how did you know? you behind me hmm?
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-13 07:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shake it like a Polaroid picture?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2004-09-13 07:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sideburns that was superb... was hoping upon all hope that it was all paranoia about
Rick but.... *shakes head side to side* so sad... an very good read, thank you petal..
Submitted by Fleadh (user info) at 2004-09-13 07:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yea, been there, done that.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2004-09-13 07:03:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the first thing I've read by you that's made me think "Damn, this guy can write." That was awesome. Well done.
Submitted by dolfin (user info) at 2004-09-13 07:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awww.. I feel for you man.
Submitted by krootons (user info) at 2004-09-13 06:44:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus.
Submitted by SullyThePirate (user info) at 2004-09-13 06:18:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by XII (user info) at 2004-09-13 06:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tell me this wasnt real, i dare you.
beautiful.
Submitted by G_Nonny (user info) at 2004-09-13 05:27:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Justin, this is definately your best piece of work yet. I didn't even notice how long it was until I finished reading. Beautiful writing, absolutely fantastic.
Submitted by Spookster (user info) at 2004-09-13 05:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MickGiny (user info) at 2004-09-13 05:13:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44833
Submitted by Nomad (user info) at 2004-09-13 05:07:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"JUSTIN! YOU JERK! STOP IT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" is what I recall Alicia saying. I'll never forget those words. I'm the jerk? I'M the asshole?
----------------------------------------------
Yeah, I know that feeling.
Submitted by espo (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This deserves the +2 streak. Great writing Sideburns.
I woke up hungover this morning and I'm now sober after reading this post. Thanks.
Submitted by Lyric (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:52:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very very very very awesome. It's funny how, when something's going on in your life, you're constantly reminded of it by numerous, seemingly incongruous things.
This story didn't help. But you don't get any lower of a rating because of it. :)
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:43:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
4 funniest reviews ever:
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:59:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:48:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god this was awesome.
---------
that's what your mom said last night
_________________________________________
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:10:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
<ejaculates>
__________________________________________
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:13:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
<opens mouth>
damnit, you missed again.
...i'll go get the towel.
_________________________________________
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:37:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Poor siren. Perhaps you need me to place my lips on your tummy.
...then go 'PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT'
Submitted by triple_optics (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a girl just like that. Ah well.
Fucking rockin
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:39:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why is there stale semen in my underoos?
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:37:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Poor siren. Perhaps you need me to place my lips on your tummy.
...then go 'PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT'
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was so well written. I didn't even realize that it was long.
It made my tummy hurt.
Submitted by iIIinformed (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:30:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wtf tje mirrer is broken i cant see shit in it oh well tony danza
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:13:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
<opens mouth>
damnit, you missed again.
...i'll go get the towel.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:10:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<ejaculates>
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-09-13 04:01:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:59:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:48:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god this was awesome.
---------
that's what your mom said last night
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:51:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
... i love you too.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god this was awesome.
Submitted by someone (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like the reoccuring line. Good story, well written.
Submitted by Ainkara (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:38:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me cry.
Submitted by DavyJones (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:30:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MatrixBreaker (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:23:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey bro
throw away tt mirror that'll jz keep remindin u of her evryday.I know tis hard to forget her but u gotta move on.We are all in e same boat i know how u feel cuz wat u went thru is wat m goin thru now :( God knows y do these gals do things like this.
forget it bro u deserve much betta
tekker
Mess wid e best Die like e rest
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:18:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, sorry about the longevity of the post. I could have broken it up into 2 or 3 parts but then someone would complain about that. There's really no win win situation.
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who am I to mess up the string. Longer than most stuff on here, but worth every word of the reading.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-13 03:15:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to scream out ''BORED AT WORK'' at the top of my lungs but seeing as how bart only puts comedy on baw, I think my screams will go unheard. Great job. Great great great job.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Superb.
'nuff said.
-Davros
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:05:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck dude i logged in without your email being sent.
i coulden't wait to give you your +2.
keep it up.
Spuds002
Submitted by KingHFB (user info) at 2004-09-13 03:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
unbe-fucking-lieveable
excellent writing
i could feel the bat in MY hands
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-13 03:01:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hey sideburns
i need you to email on sept 19 to reminde me to login ant rate this
beguiler.at.juno.com
i think you even gave me a gmail account but until then.
this was an awsome post.
dont forget to email me on the 19 of sept if you want a plus 2
dude, awsome.
i know what you are going through on this.
you fucking rock you mother fucker, email me for your plus two,
PS im out of town form the norm and if you send me email woth the link to this post i promis you will get the 2 you deserve.
SPUDS002
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 02:53:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Falco is human after all.
I think I just found a new friend.
Come-- we make love.
Submitted by Caldur (user info) at 2004-09-13 02:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-13 02:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite possibly the best i've read from you.
Baseball bats are for girls Justin, use your hands.
(If it is true) You are better without her.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-09-13 02:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude...this was amazingly written. It reminded me of my girlfriend of just over 2 years, and how she cheated on me in almost the same way. You always know who the motherfucker is, too. This honestly made me sick to my stomach, so rest assured that you captured the essence of distrust and betrayal perfectly. I pity the poor bastards who go against you in UM. My figurative hat is off to you.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-09-13 02:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is kind of post that you can't stop reading.
Awesome job Sideburns
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2004-09-13 02:27:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great... you're great.
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-13 02:25:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
anyone that counted you out of winning UberMadness is really rethinking that after reading this post, i guarantee it.
Submitted by Sarah at 2004-09-13 02:23:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can do no wrong
Submitted by venusinblue (user info) at 2004-09-13 02:08:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*shakes head*
Damn...
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 02:00:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like the way you put that, Corea...
"sanity slipping slowly away..."
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-13 02:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
........
Submitted by CoreaPeekay (user info) at 2004-09-13 01:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That fuckin sucks man. I've actually done (nearly) the same thing. Relationships are the devil. You really captured the feel of sanity slipping slowly away. +2.
Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2004-09-13 01:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ooooh, Smurfs wants to beat me.
I'd be honored to face Smurfs-- or you for that matter, Donkey.
Submitted by Tuxebux (user info) at 2004-09-13 01:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome Read. Made me read it twice.
i hate you
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-13 01:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The bet that he is going to beat you in UberMadness. I called the bookies to inform them of this post. I took the over/under. If you win by more than 5 votes or lose by less than 3, I win $50.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-09-