My Conversation With Hank: What A Little Bitch (23548 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: B@W
Rating: 1.85 on 88 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (View user info) at 2004-09-13 12:45:56 EDT
So its been a week since I did my UberPoll on which soda should make a comeback.
It was a close race, but OK Soda pulled it out in the end. The numbers are as follows:
OK Soda: 18 Votes
Jolt Cola: 12 Votes
Surge: 9 Votes
Crystal Pepsi: 13 Votes
Moxie: 1 vote
Tab and others that I don't give a fuck about: Don't care.
Now I have held up my end of the bargain. You vote, I make it happen.
With some research, I discovered that Coke used to manufacture OK Soda, and I e-mailed them with the results. Some stupid marketing guy wrote back that it wasn't "feasible at this time to take a chance on a failed soda." To which I countered that they never really gave it a chance, and it did very well in the test cities, selling over a million cases of OK in one years time. Apparently the facts confused the rep, because he didn't reply to my last e-mail, so I took matters into my own hands.
I went back to the Coke website to see what I could dig up on the history of their products. All I got was the run around for ingredients and advertisements for Coke C2. After all my search questions were redirected to the FAQ page, I noticed a little blurb in the lower right hand corner of the screen.
Ask Hank, the Virtual Coke Representative.
And ask Hank I did.
I'd have to say that if Hank is the best online representation Coke has to offer, Pepsi should be in line for a hostile take over.
Now for your viewing pleasure, I give you Hank, the Virtual Rep guy who's got the looks, but nothing upstairs.
User Reviews
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-08-09 13:30:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Envenom (user info) at 2005-08-12 09:28:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome. I'm glad I googled this up
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2004-12-29 10:14:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2004-11-01 00:10:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOO! YEAH!! TAKE THAT EVIL CORPORATION!! WOOOO
Submitted by Tigre (user info) at 2004-10-31 23:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 Die.
Oh god that's awesome.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2004-10-31 23:49:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AHAHAHAHAH
Submitted by BillsSBChamps (user info) at 2004-10-26 15:26:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I called and got nowhere. Something about research blah blah. THEN THE BITCH LAUGHED AT ME WHEN SHE LOOKED IT UP!!!!!! She fucking laughted, I never had this OK soda crap but now I'm not stopping until it is in every fucking vending machine from buffalo to wherever the fuck vending machines end. FUCK YOU COCA COLA AND FUCK YOU HANK!!!!!!
Submitted by wardrich (user info) at 2004-10-03 15:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So the email failed eh? Well, on the back of every can should be an 800 number, and lucky you, I have one right in front of me.
1-800-438-2653
Give that number a call and tell them what you want. Ask for the manager if you must. Call a tillion times!
Good Luck,
-Richard-
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2004-09-29 13:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2004-09-28 07:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by facts (user info) at 2004-09-24 10:47:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doesn't seem to be B@W worthy, not even +2 worthy.
Submitted by Caldur (user info) at 2004-09-23 02:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahah
Submitted by Trout (user info) at 2004-09-22 00:16:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've just had a conversation with Hank.
He's a useless cunt.
Submitted by Disektor (user info) at 2004-09-21 23:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Donkey (3,310,000 results) versus Hank the Bitch (55,600 results)
The winner is: Donkey
Submitted by Can_Always_Trust_A_Liar (user info) at 2004-09-21 20:22:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe I read it...
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2004-09-21 20:08:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I swear to God I've viewed this about six times, every time telling myself that I have to leave a +2.
This time I won't forget.
Submitted by queensowntalia (user info) at 2004-09-21 16:33:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:P
Submitted by Anonymous at 2004-09-21 16:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, this is kick-ass!
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2004-09-21 08:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Christ, this was funny.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-09-21 04:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"-2 DIE"
Nice!
Submitted by icon (user info) at 2004-09-20 23:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice.
Submitted by Emennius <emennius.at.gmail.com> at 2004-09-20 22:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Even SmarterChild is, well..um...smarter than this vrep
Submitted by Hank at 2004-09-20 21:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fie on you!
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2004-09-20 21:37:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Spider-Man (user info) at 2004-09-20 18:54:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
looks like anything is thrown on boredatwork.com now
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Looks like anyone is accepted to übersite now
Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-20 20:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ask hank if he's gay....
"i'm a vRep. VReps don't have relationships."
Vrep sounds pretty gay to me
Submitted by Spider-Man (user info) at 2004-09-20 18:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
looks like anything is thrown on boredatwork.com now
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2004-09-20 18:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hank is a few cans short of a 6-pack.
Submitted by CaptainAmik (user info) at 2004-09-20 18:05:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Was that like a revenge -2 for Hank that little bitch?
Submitted by RamJetMax (user info) at 2004-09-20 09:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by lowsodiummonkey (user info) at 2004-09-20 08:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahaha.....
Submitted by ohfukmeh <ohfukmeh.at.yahoo.com> at 2004-09-20 08:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hank said to ask a question.. but where was your question? D:
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-20 03:52:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on B@W, fucko
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2004-09-18 09:03:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job, NIGGA!
No really. Good job.
Submitted by Monarch (user info) at 2004-09-17 11:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Donkey, you are quickly becoming one of my favorites.
Submitted by pobz (user info) at 2004-09-17 09:05:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
virtual support staff rool!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2004-09-17 01:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you, lets spoon.
Oh wait, we already did.
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2004-09-17 01:20:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIS CHIN
Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara (user info) at 2004-09-17 00:27:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a case of Tab in my fridge.
Submitted by The_Walrus (user info) at 2004-09-16 22:58:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha, the best part is definetly his "thinking pose."
Submitted by ben <Bman1204.at.ikillclowns.com> at 2004-09-16 21:18:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!oneone!!!!!!!111!!!!!two!!!
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2004-09-16 20:49:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Falco (user info) at 2004-09-16 20:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by gibberish (user info) at 2004-09-16 20:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by antluvdog (user info) at 2004-09-16 19:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2004-09-16 19:03:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
twas, a good larf.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2004-09-16 18:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha, conversations with automated online bots are always funny.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-16 18:38:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-16 17:48:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed so hard I woke my kid up.
He rolled over, farted, pissed himself and went back to sleep.
What a coincidence...I did the same exact thing last night around 3am. Maybe your kid and I are related?
Submitted by Yes (user info) at 2004-09-16 18:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jolt is alive and well with all kinds of different flavors... mmm... grape jolt....
Submitted by cigar (user info) at 2004-09-16 18:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Quasiplasmohedron (user info) at 2004-09-16 18:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh god, make the laughter stop, I think my stomach is going to explode.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-16 18:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jinky,
I live near a Coke bottling plant, so I went down there to scrounge up the info. I can send it to you if you'd like once I find it again.
My e-mail is FallingDonkey.at.gmail.com if you want to leave your address there.
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-16 17:53:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
what's sad is if ubermadness wasn't going on, this might at least make most heated
Submitted by PatheticCapitalistFuck (user info) at 2004-09-16 17:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed so hard I woke my kid up.
He rolled over, farted, pissed himself and went back to sleep.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2004-09-16 17:47:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Go fuck yourself"
"I'm learning everday!"
Hahaha, too funny
Submitted by screamfeeder (user info) at 2004-09-16 17:39:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jolt Cola never went away. Funny anyway.
Submitted by checkyourmail (user info) at 2004-09-16 17:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JinkyWilliams (user info) at 2004-09-16 17:18:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, Donkey:
Where did you get the sales email? I couldn't find one anywhere. All I have is a snail mail. Do you have it handy?
I want to write in and see if I can get some old OK Soda marketing stuff.
Vivé l'OK!
Stay orange.
--JW
Submitted by hyprspacd (user info) at 2004-09-16 17:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2004-09-16 17:11:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey! Stop picking on retards.
Submitted by Julia (user info) at 2004-09-16 16:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking hilarious!
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2004-09-16 16:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by spedmonkey (user info) at 2004-09-16 16:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy hell that was funny.
Submitted by LadyPlural (user info) at 2004-09-16 16:38:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually laughed until I snorted.
Submitted by random guy at 2004-09-14 15:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hilarious!
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-09-13 21:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha
snort
Submitted by CoachMagirk27 (user info) at 2004-09-13 19:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2004-09-13 19:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2004-09-13 19:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy Hank's finger-to-chin "thinking pose"
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2004-09-13 18:56:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:14:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe Coke should consider Max Headroom as their virtual rep? It would seem appropriate
------------------------------------------------------
I think Pepsi has dibs on him since Back To The Future II.
Submitted by BoogieFevuh (user info) at 2004-09-13 15:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha...gold, as usual.
Submitted by ess-arr (user info) at 2004-09-13 14:59:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't believe they make these things...
Submitted by runninginplace (user info) at 2004-09-13 14:10:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2004-09-13 14:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't even know what to say.
All I know is that it made me laugh really, really hard.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2004-09-13 14:00:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hysterical. Fuck Hank and his virtual condescension!
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:56:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funniest thing ever
Submitted by 1Point21Gigawatts (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:47:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm going to have a conversation with Hank myself someday.
Why the hell did I never hear of OK cola?
Submitted by PWNstar (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:41:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"-2 DIE"
I did a spit-take on that.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Made me laugh.
Submitted by j0andre1 (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!
That guy's a virtual douche.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:28:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hank has some serious issues he needs to work out.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ROCKS!
Submitted by ASSMAN (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:25:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:24:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice work
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great. I know a guy named Hank!
Quality stuff Donkey, me likes what I see.
Submitted by strider (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:14:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Maybe Coke should consider Max Headroom as their virtual rep? It would seem appropriate.
I'd be first in line for the petition to fire Hank. Fuck Hank!
Submitted by NetProphet (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:09:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So, you think Hank will bring it back?
Seemed to me like he was just toying with you.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fucking fantastic, just fantastic. Definitely in the top 100 posts on all of Uber.
Submitted by youarsoghey (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think EVERYONE has a Hank-related story. He has invaded our culture like an infectious virus.
Submitted by xenon (user info) at 2004-09-13 13:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha ha ha ha! Hank!
Submitted by gassygirl73 (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:59:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd like to spank Hank.
Submitted by DrCactus (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:58:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that's funny.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:58:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hank sucks. You rule.
Submitted by potatomanjack (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:53:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PLUS FUCKING 2!!!
One of the funniest things I've read in a long time. I was sitting at my desk and could barely muffle my laughter.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2004-09-13 12:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA! NICE!